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How do you reply to a child who points fingers..

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by Teresa, Dec 4, 2014.

  1. Teresa

    Teresa Senior Contributor

    He and I can have an open dialog. but its a walk on egg shells situation with other family members not in relation to the addiction but in relation to my son having broken into and stealing from his grandparents home twice.
  2. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    I haven't been in such a situation but i think that we owe it to our kids to be honest and forthright with them.On issues to do with drugs,we should have a candid discussion with our kids and in the course of it,admit our past mistakes and use those experiences as a lesson to make their future less risky.
  3. greensat

    greensat Member

    It depends on how your relationship with the child is, if you often have fights and you would insult each other, then I guess you would just insult them back or if you want to make peace and end this cycle of insulting each other every time you guys argue, I suggest you just stay on subject and reply, "This is about you right now, not me. I've already made my mistakes, I don't want you to begin yours."
  4. kevinkimers

    kevinkimers Community Champion


    One thing you should not do is make excuses for anyone who has an addiction. They have to own up to their problem otherwise they will keep making excuses and never give it up. When a child is involved, you talk to them about the persons addiction and why it is bad. Remind them of how the person was when they were on the substance and ask them, do you really want to be that way or treat people like that or be better. A lot of times it stops them from becoming an addict too. I came from two alcoholic parents. I drank, but I never became an alcoholic and one of the reasons is because I have in my mind constantly what became of them (they both died young) and how they treated me when they were drunk and most of all how they acted. I told myself, I do not want to be like that and I don't want to die young. That thought is what kept me from going to far. Talking to a child and helping them to see what the addiction is doing to them could help to deter them from making the same mistake.
    Teresa likes this.
  5. sillylucy

    sillylucy Community Champion

    When it comes to that point the best thing a parent can do is show what they have learned from their mistakes. They can say, "Yes, I did do those things and look where it got me." By show a negative connotation then the child learns that it isn't all roses.
  6. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    "The do as I say not as I do" is the worst statement I think to make to a child or teen. First you need to say that you made a mistake and that you wished you were smart enough at the time not to have done this.
    Ice the cake with, "you are much smarter than I was, I know you are. I'm sure you will make the right decision"
    Leave it in their hands. Support their intelligence and be the bigger person by admitting the mistake.

    The do as I say thing causes resentment and anger. It doesn't make any sense anyway. If you did you should let them other wise you are a hypocrite. Kids really don't like that. Nobody does. If you have already used the language of do as I say not as I do with other situations. You were asking for this one. You've got to go across the board with this and be this way with everything. Kids are smart. Parents don't realize how important their own behavior is in raising a child. They just get so focused on how difficult kids are.