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How do you stay clean when your family is actively using around you?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by NyX82, Nov 6, 2015.

  1. NyX82

    NyX82 Member

    I've been clean for some time now but I still struggle with wanting to use mostly because I have so many people in my family that do. It gets tiring hearing about their pill problems. They switch pills with each other, lend each other pills, and buy pills off each other. My own mother has even asked me to ask my grandmother if she could bum a few pills off her. Then I'm the one that has to take the pills to her. It just baffles me how I was so looked down upon when I was using nut everyone turns the other cheek for these family members. Do you deal with a similar situation? If so how do you cope with it?
  2. thekennie

    thekennie Member

    All I can say is Stay Strong, I'm not sure how old you are but maybe get a job? Try getting out of the house some more, go on walks or anything that will get you out of there. I struggle with self-harm and everyday is bad for me, there are plenty of things around me that I can use to hurt myself but I choose not to. You are stronger than all of that, getting clean is the best thing you can do for yourself. Like I said, Stay Strong. <3
  3. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    If there's no practical option for leaving the house and moving somewhere else that has a better environment (I know it's not always that simple, especially depending on the cost of living where you are) then I would honestly endeavour to stay out of the house as much as possible, like @thekennie mentioned. Hobbies out of the house are critical, I think - even spending time reading at a local library or something is good.

    I am wishing you the best because it's certainly a tough situation to be faced with.
  4. Carnold23

    Carnold23 Community Champion

    You need to get out of there. For the sake of your health and your sobriety. I understand that you may not be able to move out, do to financials or other situations.
    There may be resources in your area to help you get on your feet. If you feel comfortable with that I think that is your best option. I know how hard it is to stay sober when you are surrounded by drugs. You are so strong for doing it for this long.
    If you absolutely cannot move out then I would have a talk with your family. Ask them to stop talking about drugs around you, explain that it does affect you and that it is making it difficult for you to stay sober.
    Good luck and keep us updated!
  5. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    No. I have never been through that kind of situation before, and it does sound really terrible. I think the best thing for you to do right now is to leave that place, and be more independent now. You'll never lead a better life if you will just stay in that place.
  6. NyX82

    NyX82 Member

    Actually I don't even live with any of my family anymore. I'm 33 by the way. I lived with my Grandmother for 3 years after my ex and I split up so that's when I was mostly around it. About 2 years ago I moved out and now my boyfriend and I have our own place. It's much better now that I'm not in that environment but any time I'm around my family it's obvious who has what or who doesn't. They talk about it a lot. It's just very annoying to me.
  7. NyX82

    NyX82 Member

    @thekennie I do understand how you feel. I've dealt with my own self harm but not in the ways that people are mostly use to. Also my boyfriend is the same way. He burns himself. I hate it but I understand it. I'm glad that you're choosing not to self harm. You're worth more than that. You're a beautiful girl and I can tell that you're beautiful on the inside. You stay strong as well! <3
  8. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    I had been trough something similar. Both of my parents were alcoholic, but I did not want to be like them anymore. Father died when I was young, and Mum turned into a horrible person, so I ran from home. While I don't recommend that you do the same, it would be better if you moved with a friend. Also, you can find a place to leave by yourself if you are more comfortable with that, given the fact that you are an adult. I know it hurts to stray away from your own family, but it's better like that. They are negative influences and it's dangerous to be around them. Good luck!
  9. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    I am sorry you are going through this. Good for you for staying strong and reaching out on this website for assistance! Do not be afraid to tell family members no when they ask you to get pills for them. Whenever you are getting them pill, you are enabling them. They might get mad or upset with you, but at least you will know that you did the right thing by saying no. If you can withdraw from them when they are using, it might be a good idea. Try to get out of the house or at least occupy yourself with something else on your own to keep your mind off of what they are doing.
  10. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    I feel like that sometimes as far as, when I do a certain thing, I was looked down on, yet other people in my family do things, and it seems like everyone is just fine with it. It's really frustrating:mad:.
    It's important to speak up about such things. Sometimes it's uncomfortable to call people out, but it's better than letting resentment fester and grow inside of you.

    As far as being around people who do things that you don't like to be around, the bottom line is that you have to care about your well-being, you can't leave it to someone else. It's like weight loss, you have to do it for yourself, no one can do it for you.
    It would be really nice to think that everyone (especially family) is sympathetic to our needs, but most of the time, people are just trying to get their needs met. They may not be intentionally trying to hurt you. Sadly, they are just thinking of what gets them through the day.

    I would have to move away from that situation. If I could not afford my own place, then I would have to stay at a motel room or something. Even if you only have enough money to go and get away for one night a week, you should try to go and find some solace for yourself.

    Depending on your budget, you can stay in a really nice hotel (or motel) for an extended period of time.

    Motels can be great places to stay.
    When my son and I were homeless, we stayed in a motel for almost two months, and in yet another one for about 4 months .

    I have certain friends whom I love dearly, but I can't be around them, had to cut them OFF. I didn't want to, but for me to remain drug and smoke free, I had to say yes to myself, and no to them. The only way for me to do that was to stop being around them.
  11. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    I would suggest not being around your family as much. It's hard to do, but at the end of the day they are going to make you struggle more with addiction than you need to. Being around people that are addicted is hard to face on a day to day basis. It's not a pretty sight. Have you tried talking to them about your feelings or about getting help? Do they want help?
  12. NyX82

    NyX82 Member

    I've tried talking to them about getting help but none of them will admit they have a problem. They're prescribed their pills so apparently that means it's ok for them to abuse them. I purposely avoid certain family functions because I just can't deal with them. It's not only frustrating to me but it's also annoying.
  13. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    NyX82, I too was wondering if you could encourage the others to try to quit but like we have discussed countless times here, they must want it for themselves.

    It's tough that you have to distance yourself and avoid family functions which under the right conditions should be great therapy for you. Sometimes we have to make hard decisions to protect ourselves and it seems that's what you have to do. Focus on you and protect you. Maybe your life will impact on them overtime.
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2015
  14. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    This is a huge problem in my family. They don't know about my addiction, but I can compare those of other family members. My cousin is addicted to cocaine. He's lost everything over it because people judge him so harshly. Yet, those same people are the ones sitting around smoking their pot and popping their pills. It's all addiction and should all be judged the same way, but a lot of people want to think their drug isn't as bad as the rest.

    As for staying clean when you're around those types of things, sometimes it's best to distance yourself (at least mentally). If you don't think about it as much, it's easier to ignore your own cravings.
  15. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    All you can do is use them as the motivation to stay strong yourself, and make sure that you don't get drawn back into it again.

    Now that your clean, look at them and how they're acting. Do you want to go back to acting that way again?
  16. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    Hey, I think you need to get away. I think it is best if you find another place to stay. It is not safe to be living with people who are using or in the way of temptation. You should really try to find another place to live. Perhaps your local drug rehab or support center could assist you.
  17. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Having the drugs around all the time will either make you stumble or you could get stronger in time as you fight the temptations. Another thing you could do is create a "safe zone" for yourself in your home where you can retreat to when you don't want to see anyone popping pills.
  18. Psyduck

    Psyduck Active Contributor

    I feel it's better to let your family know about this. If you open up to them, they might be a bit more careful in their actions and how it affects you. They might not be aware of this initially. I told them in the beginning itself, they were very helpful towards it.
  19. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    In that type of situation, you have to remove yourself from their company. You definitely don't need to be around people who are stuck in their own pit and will only bring you down. That's depressing to be around.
  20. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    I've not really had any pill problems myself. Maybe an over the counter pain killer years ago that started out as a prescription that was given to me from someone's. I don't know we do all kinds of things when we are not thinking. Probably not a good idea. Sometimes you just want a quick fix. Your story sounds like the show Shameless almost. What you are saying could be prime time material. They know you've stopped yet they toss it in your face. Its a low mentality. These kind will just bring you down. Eventually just distancing yourself. You don't need it. I know its family but there is no reason to let them drag you down or put this garbage in your face.
    If you are not able to distance yourself there is only one other way to look at it. Set yourself apart from it, mentally. When people choose to do harmful things to themselves you really have to just realize that their mentality is so low and you are better than that. Your mindset is more advanced and evolved. Not necessarily that you are better than them but that you are wiser. Its called speak your peace and let it ride. Sometimes it seems like a waste of your breath to even say what you think but as much as it seems like it is wasted, it is penetrating their minds. Eventually they may get it. People have to be open to the truth.