So I tried cocaine for the first time when I was 21 and 8 years later was still doing it until I found a new love: opiates. That was a 4 year addiction. I was prescribed adderall last October because I'm bipolar and have focusing problems. I'm not the type of bipolar where I need regular medication, i am the type that only gets manic on ssri's so regular maintenance medication isn't needed because my moods are stable. The adderall initially made me feel great, euphoric and alive. I got up early during the day and cleaned and was able to focus on work. The good feelings ended like they do with all drugs. My problem is, I really want to quit taking adderall because it's making me turn narcissistic and I'm not as bubbly as I used to be. I'm very turned inward. The problem I'm having is a battle with my own mind. There's SOMETHING in the adderall that helps me, but it makes me emotionally numb just like opiates and cocaine did and I want to start feeling again. I don't want to take medication. But when i don't take adderall i crave opiates. I'm seeking to numb my emotions. I've figured out the root of my addiction. I've tried stopping but it never works out. I also live with an adderall addict as well. She actually introduced me to them. I just want to live normally. I want to be sober and be happy. I'm supposed to get clean because I'm supposed to do something important. I had a spiritual experience last year right before the adderall scripts started coming and I believe they're connected. Yet this demon is stronger than me. I'm not at rock bottom. I don't pay for my drug of choice. I don't know how in the hell I'm going to stop this addiction. And I know the obvious answer is stop getting a script. Tell the dr the truth. That won't help because it's in my house all the time and I have access to it regardless. I want to be the type of person that says they're gonna do something and then frickin do it! I'm just ranting sorry. I don't tell anyone about this problem so I had to get it out somehow.