An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

How Do You Support Your Spouse?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by DLWright, Oct 19, 2014.

  1. KRDG1

    KRDG1 Member

    I certainly wish it was as cut and dry as simply getting the addict some help. Literally, I tried everything and often things were turned around to somehow be my fault. I honestly thought I was crazy and would continue to believe this if it weren't for the marriage councilor, who helped me see that none of this was my fault. I love my husband very much and will always support him and help him to become sober if he so wishes, but I cannot sacrifice myself and my children. I know that addiction is difficult, but often people forget how hard an addiction is on everyone else surrounding that person.
  2. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    That's right, we can only help who wants to be helped and if that person does not everyone around suffers as well, I've been there...
    KRDG1 likes this.
  3. KRDG1

    KRDG1 Member

    I have been referred to Al-Anon by many people ... does anyone have any experience with this organization? I haven't had the time to go yet, but I wonder if it is as helpful as phone say
  4. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    I don't have experience with them, but the concept is the best, when people withe same goal get together they become stronger and have more chances in achieving their goals.
  5. muthoni

    muthoni Active Contributor

    I have a close friend who has a spouse who abuses alcohol. She has stayed with him for a long time. The secret to her not getting stressed is because she understood that it is an illness that requires treatment. When he comes home drunk, she is kind to him and waits until morning when he is sober to talk to him to establish why he drunk on that particular night. Sometimes he goes for long periods without a drink. Please try to find the root cause that makes your spouse take drugs. Remember to be kind to yourself because you have to be strong for the both of you.
  6. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    The first step to overcome a problem is to realize that we have it. If we deny our addiction is way more complicated to solve it, but if we reach out it's great to have someone by our side to help us.
  7. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Very true. Unfortunately many addicts prefer to be in denial because they are afraid of what comes next after they are made to confront their problems and lose their current lifestyle. Some people are able to moderate themselves so not everyone who does this is automatically in denial, in my opinion, but I agree that for the few that are it would really be helpful for them to be able to reach out if only they can admit that they do need help.
  8. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Yeah, but it's an impossible situation, when we see them homeless just looking for money for the next fix is something beyond reasoning...
  9. thomas carty

    thomas carty Member

    I do not have one personally but my wife has an uncle that is a drunkard and it is really hard on his wife because she sometimes sends him to pay the bills and what he does sometimes is that he would take the money and then go and buy rum. It was only after his son got really ill that he seemed to cut back on his drinking but before that he would just drink and drink. I think it takes something happening serious in their lives for them to really take it serious.
  10. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    I have an uncle in the same situation, I mean, he's not totally our of control, but he does drink all day and that has aged my aunt a lot, I don't know how she is able to keep up with him.