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How Healthy Should We "Push" Them To Be?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by bluedressed, Jan 30, 2015.

  1. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    Exhibit A smokes, drinks constantly, eats bad and does not exercise much. Within two years and a half year of meeting this person, I've pushed him to stop smoking (tobacco), to stop drinking alcohol and to *at least* take the stairs up in the apartment building rather than the elevator.

    This person still smokes weed and does not eat healthy enough nor do much exercise; I know I can't dictate how his life should be, and he sort of grumpily acts like I try to change him too much when I mention that he should try to ease off on the other stuff too (though the other stuff is by no mean TOO unhealthy: he eats homecooked meals and does not smoke this much weed, just a few bong hits over the day).

    Did you ever have this sort of situation where you're so proud of the step someone took, but still think that ideally, they should take more? Did you push for it? Or did you respect the person's right to his/her own flaws as long as they weren't too harmful?

    The alcohol and smoking caused real problems, whereas his "poisons" of choice are pretty much harmless -- a bit less to himself as to the people around, but still in no way a big deal, so to say. Thoughts?
  2. gmckee1985

    gmckee1985 Senior Contributor

    At the end of the day you can only do so much. I'm always encouraging and pushing my friends to better themselves. I dont think theres anything wrong with that. But at a certain point you have to back off and hope they got the message.
    RingoBerry and bluedressed like this.
  3. 4rainydays

    4rainydays Member

    I think you've done great so far with how much you have gotten them to change their life for the better. The fact that he followed your advice and has quit some of his bad addictions is a sign that he understands that you are trying to help him and he wants to change. However, addictions are hard to let go of. My boyfriend is also in the same situation, no matter how much I tried to convince them, in the end, they had to convince themselves.

    Right now weed is a hard topic to convince people to abstain from, especially with all the hype around it now. There are so many sites online where it's touted as a healthy and harmless alternative to alcohol. Overtime I'm sure test results might show otherwise, however, it's hard to convince people when they can show these sites to contradict you. Instead of telling him how harmful it is, let him know that you enjoy talking and spending time with him when he's sober and all-there, compared to when he's high on substances. Also that the time and cost that he spends lost in weed, he could have maybe spent doing more productive and enriching things. Like I said, it's a hard battle, my boyfriend is in the same boat :(
  4. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    @4raindydays Good to know you're also doing good and your relationship gets better! I don't think that weed is unhealthy per se, not as much as lack of exercise and eating good.

    But I guess I can only wait and hope for the best at this point. Good luck to you too!
    4rainydays likes this.
  5. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I had stopped some friends to drink a lot of beer on a party but that was just for one moment. I do not have a roommate or housemate or a neighbor that is really close to me that I would daily give advices to stop bad vices and be healthy.
  6. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I agree with this post! It sounds like you have done a fantastic job helping your friend cut back on some of his bad habits, and you should be proud of yourself for that. If he doesnt want to get any better, that's his choice. At this point, I think you should just keep being supportive.
  7. RingoBerry

    RingoBerry Senior Contributor

    I can't help but agree with this post too. The thing is, a person will only be able to accept help from another person if he/she really wants it. Sometimes we have no choice but sit on the sidelines and hope they won't destroy themselves completely.