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How is the relationship with your family now?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by FuZyOn, May 29, 2015.

  1. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    Since a lot of people are left by their families because of their addictions I was wondering if those relationships can get repaired once that person gets sober.
    How is your relationship with your family right now? Did it improve after you recovered from an addiction?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @FuZyOn... Can I answer your question from a parent's perspective? I'm the father of a 25-year-old son who is coming up on 3 years clean and sober. He went through about 7 years of addiction: pot, RX meds, cocaine, heroin. It was an awful period of time for everyone in our family. I was devastated by how my relationship with my son deteriorated so quickly. His constant lies and manipulation completely destroyed any trust I had in him and I was convinced I would never trust him again.

    But today, my relationship with my son is better than it's ever been. The trust came back, slowly but surely. He gives me hugs today that are a hundred times more powerful than any hugs he gave me as a kid. There is so much love and respect for each other now. It really is amazing. I know some people think I'm crazy when I say this, but my son's addiction actually strengthened our relationship and made me a better person.

    Here's a link to a piece I wrote for the website "To Write Love on Her Arms," which is a movement to help those with mental health and addiction issues. Maybe you and others would like to give it a read.

    "What I Learned Through My Son's Addiction"

    For everyone out there whose addiction has destroyed relationships with loved ones, know that there is hope. It's never too late to fix things.

    EditorsRHumansToo! and Rainman like this.
  3. superbobby

    superbobby Active Contributor

    My family has restored their trust on me ever since. I always tell them that I am thankful for having them and being there to believe in me.
  4. SarahWorksAtHome

    SarahWorksAtHome Community Champion

    My parents and I have a better relationship and a deeper kinship now than we have EVER had. The transparency and way we had to bind together when I was struggling brought us all closer to God and closer to each other.
  5. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think it can work either both ways. Sometimes it can make a family a lot stronger going through a situation like that, but it also depends on how much damage as been caused, and if it can be fixed.
  6. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    There's no relationship that can't be rebuilt I believe. There's something about family bonds and how hard it is to sever them . . .

    Much as you can convince yourself that you won't forgive someone for what they've done when you recall the good times you had together and what you'd lose permanently if you cut that person out of you life, you'll find yourself first thinking about giving them a second chance then before you know it things will be as great as they were or as those who've learned from experience say, better.
  7. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    It really depends on the situation, Rainman. Family relationships are always easier to repair than normal ones since the bond is stronger between the relatives. That being said, there are some situations where a relationship can't be rebuilt. When that happens a lot of things come into play such as trust issues, anxiety and so on.
    Rainman likes this.
  8. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    My relationship with my mother has always been ok, but now it's much better :) My relationship with my step-dad is very bad though, we no longer talk, specially now that he knows we know he is the one who stole money from my mom. Ever since that I lost the last bit of respect I had for that ''man''.

    My relationship with my sister will never be good... she has always been really mean to me since I was little and will never let me forget my past. So what is the point in seeing her? No point. I had to cut ties with some relatives who turned their back on me when I was recovering and was in need of a helping and and some compassion. Most of the times it's during those hard times that you realize who cares and who doesn't.
  9. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    If your family really loves and cares for you, they would accept you again with open arms. As long as you have already proven to them that you are now a changed person, I think there is no reason for them to not want you back in their life.
  10. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    My relation with my family is fine right now, but I cannot say the same in what concerns my brother because he's not totally recovered and I feel that his personality changed, so he's really hard to deal with.
  11. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    I’m quite sure it’ll always be broken with one particular family member who refuses to see anything good in me. It will never matter what I overcome, or how much I better myself, this person will always find something new to pick at. Not exactly a good way to cultivate trust, or any sort of relationship.

    But I’ve got other family, plus my friends, who do see the good in me even when I fall short. That’s what’s important. That’s what I choose to focus on. As long as I can maintain those relationships, I think I’ll be fine.
  12. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    My family was never involved in my addiction or recovery in any way shape or form and I would not have had it any other way. Even when I lived with my parents I had absolutely minimal contact with them. My father was the reason I drank and I did not trust him one bit. I have not seen any of them for well over three years now, I miss my nieces and nephews but I do not miss the rest of them.
  13. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I am a sorry to hear about that Claire, it seems you have been through a bad time. How old were you when you had that problem?
  14. seatones

    seatones Member

    I never had it that bad with my family, but when I was in high school and doing a lot of drugs there was definitely a lot of tension. No one was really comfortable with what I was doing and did their best to tolerate it because they loved me, but weren't proud of my actions. Now that I'm older and clean, everything is great. They never shunned me so it wasn't too harsh of a transition going back to being a happy family- they are just happy that they don't have to feel uncomfortable around me anymore. I think for most families it is a blessing when someone quits drugs, and they will generally take you in with open arms.
  15. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    Of all the addicts I've ever known, most of them have had strained relationships with their families. However, most of them were able to mend those relationships after getting treatment and sobered up. Things don't always work like that, though. Some relationships are strained to an irreparable breaking point, and they never get fixed, no matter how hard the two sides work at things. Every situation is different.
  16. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Family is the one thing that lasts for life, at least in most of the cases and even when drugs are involved. It's always a safe harbor for those fortunate enough to have a caring family.
  17. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Active Contributor

    My parents never really saw the worst of my addiction fever, I was mostly living on my own. And I wasn't addicted bad enough that I couldn't sound sober on the phone. relations with my family isn't as smooth as I would have liked it to be, but I doubt my drinking habits alone are to be blamed for it.

    A lot of things often come in the way of repairing these old ties, not least among them is our egos and lack of willingness to accept and forgive. People make mistakes. I think love and forgiveness things even an addict - recovered or otherwise - deserves.
  18. ZXD22

    ZXD22 Senior Contributor

    Its been alright but we have been through many rough patches along the way. Everything is on the rise though so that is always a great sign! I tend to have a stronger connection with my dad though then my mom...
  19. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    My dad has always been a difficult person, especially after he returned from the war he has some sort of PTS that really messes him up and everyone around him, it wasn't very easy to live with him and even now to relate with him.
  20. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    My family love me and they're a great support in my life. I really am thankful for the family I have and they've been really good to me through all I went through. I wasn't particularly addicted to a substance but I was struggling with other stuff and they've supported me the best they can.