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Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by JoshPosh, Mar 2, 2015.
I’m usually up 3-4 days if I shoot it. If I smoke I’ll probably be up a day if I keep smoking.
I have been a meth addict for almost twenty years. Back when I first started, I stayed awake for 10 days straight. No sleep. Worked everyday during this time, physical work, cleaning carpets. I went to bed after having a 3 hour conversation with someone who wasnt even there. I could hear this person talking to me, but I was alone. It was wild. Now, 5 days is about the max for me.
@pythonruiz hey there. thanks for sharing. that's a lot of days without sleep... wow. that's gotta wear you slam out!
@pythonruiz... I can't imagine going that long without sleep. Doesn't that have an adverse effect on your body? And have you ever thought about quitting meth? Just asking those questions because I'm curious.
Of course I have thought about quitting meth, but I am trying to kill myself, in a indirect fashion. Since I don't have the guts to blow my brains out, yet. As far as the adverse effect on my body, I wouldnt necessarily call it adverse. I normally weigh about 170, I dropped to 135 and for the first and only time in my life, my damn pot belly went away. I looked good, or so I thought. Feel free to ask me anything, Ill be honest with you.
I'm sorry that you feel that way about yourself, @pythonruiz. You have value. Everybody does. I hope that someday you will realize that. Please feel free to lean on us anytime for help, support, encouragement...anything.
i would like to ask you something. why is it that you are trying to kill yourself in an indirrect fassion.
i am really curious to see what your answer is, because i would be willing to bet the drug use has a lot to do with the suicidal thoughts. but i would like to know why you feel this way. i have felt that my life didn't matter but i have never picked up a shot hoping that this shot would do me in...
I was suicidal before I ever did dope. Growing up, I was my familys punching bag, my classmates punching bag, everyones fucking punching bag. Nothing I ever did was good enough, I was bullied, and doesnt help having no athletic ability at all, not to mention not liking sports or stuff like that. I kept to myself as a child, I keep to myself now. And NO I DO NOT HAVE VALUE. Stop lying to me
And when I "was being myself" I was always told I was a jerk . What is a jerk? Just cause im pessimistic and hate life doesnt make me a jerk, or maybe it does.
thanks for the straightforward answer
@pythonruiz... Have you ever undergone counseling? Just curious. A lot of people who feel suicidal and have grown up in a challenging environment have found relief by talking to a therapist. You may want to look into it. You may not believe it, but I believe that you do have value. It sounds like you were dealt a sh*tty hand when you were a kid. I think if you could talk to someone and unpack that baggage, good things could come your way. But you have to want to do it. There's a lot of good in life, my friend. I know it's easy to focus on the negative, but there is lots to be grateful for.
We're always here for you if you need us. Even if you just want to vent.
You are wrong!You do have value,huge amounts of value,but first you must overcome the meth abuse.I know what it feels like to be a punching bag,I was beat until I was 16 year's old by everyone in my family,I was forced to fight kids 3 grades above me my entire life to protect my older brother who has a learning disability, I'm not making lite of the way my family beat me by any means but it gave me enough to win most those fights I was in protecting my brother, I think I was releasing my rage for my family on those other people,sorry I got off track I have ADHD.I am very honestly still fighting for my life,I am an addict of meth,opiates,xanax,alcohol and just so you believe me every time I do meth I want to die,if you don't believe that go through my post and you will find where I have stated that before you ever posted once.I know you have value you can't feel,or even imagine at this time...The meth won't allow you to see or feel it,it is only there to make suffer.Try to see the value you possess,imagine all the other people who have gone through the same thing's,the number in reality is absolutely staggering....Now try to imagine a life where you have overcome the self hate and low self-esteem, picture a healthy you sitting in front of a group of people going through what you are now hanging onto your every word, imagine the hope they would begin to feel.That my friend is a great amount of value and that's just one example there are so many other things you could do that are as well of value,but first you need to fight back,fight the meth,you can win this fight,I know you can.
I Believe In you my friend please Believe In yourself.
Stay Strong and God Bless you
No it doesn't
I've stayed up for 5 days and I was tripping hard. Harder then any hallucinate I've ever took. My 4 legged end table turned into a rottweiler and it was staring at me. My dads curtains had this lacy design on them and somehow I was making them out to be cartoon characters flipping me off and being devilish it was crazy. When I was driving yes I'm stupid to be driving around like that but I kept seeing whst I thought was cops behind me holding up there guns lol. Needless to say I backed off the meth after that. Of course this was the powder meth from back in the day it would turn blue because of the pseudo 60 pills they made it from definitely not this crystal junk.
Scary stuff, @Onceaddicted77.
Lol oh man I have been there and then some,I'm sure it's posted here somewhere,ya that crystal junk lol
I wouldnt say I'm a long time user, a couple of years, however I do the same! I feel like before this drug, I was depressed, anxious, panic attack disorder, alcoholic, ANY drug I'd do it! I feel like I slept my entire life! I turned to sleep for EVERY solution to EVERY problem! Now, I DO NOT suffer from ANY of those pschiatric or substance abuse disorders or diseases! Absolutely NO desire to drink which has been an issue for over 30 years...age 7. Depression since age 10. Manic depressive BI Polar depression age 12. Anxiety and panic disorder since 16. I have over 40 hopsitilizations from documented suicide attempts and even more stays from other issues. I suffered from insomnia for years and HATED it! When I first started doing this drug, all I did was read about it! Reading that people would stay up for a week and a half was INSANE for me to picture and sounded like my ultimate nightmare! Now that I dont suffer from ANY of that and actually enjoy being up and dont have to deal with all of those problems and issues, LOVE being awake! I'm sure I'm quite rare but I can stay up for 3 weeks, sleep 5 hours and do it all over again! Its been like that for 2 years now! Whats even crazier to think of is even people that know me WELL, can't tell if Im on day 1 or day 18! I dont get emotionally impaired, hallucinations, or become any kess motivated or coordinated! I don't understand it myself. I DID start to make myself sleep a lot more because I dont want long term issues to arrive or it to affect my looks anymore than it already has. And, I started literally fainting and passing out! At first, I'd get right back up and keep going confused and laughing about the fact that I REALLY just fainted and fell on my ass. Twenty minutes later, it'd happen again so I'd figure okay enough and go to sleep. To add to the madness, I'd only sleep 5 hours and just naturally wake up refreshed and ready to do it again. I remenber a couple of times thinking it was the beginning of the month when I started again and slept last and now, its the end. It went that way for a year and a half before I started making myself sleep a lot more. I HATED the idea of sleeping! A yawn was like an uncomfortable hiccup to me lol Now, Im a lot more conscious of my sleep, hydration, and eating habbits. I could and have a cpl of times...STILL do that same amount of time awake!
Alas....You are not the only one,but you did say it affected your appearance which tells me 1 or 2 things.. either you pick or you don't eat.Curious which one it is.I use to get SUPER paranoid on this crap,now I could be awake 2 weeks and have a conversation with law enforcement face to face and not even care,why it no longer does the paranoia thibg?I'm not really sure.i try my best to stay away from this crap as is pure death powder but sigh.....from time to time this junk shows up and off I go to analyse everything I see,hear or pass.. not in a state of paranoia but just to understand how thing's are connected. Boredom, I guess it's called boredom
It sounds like you and meth just have a wonderful relationship going. But I do have some bad news for ya. All drugs start out that way.
Now here is what you may not know you are doing to your brains chemistry. Meth has the ability to completely destroy your Dopamine receptors. Which means servere anhedonia and depression for possibly years. Cause let's be real how long do you think you can keep up with being a junkie.
Eventually homeostasis will win over meth all drugs really and instead of you feeling good most of the time. The roles will reverse you'll be down way more than you are up. You'll be able to eat and sleep like normal and your anxiety and depression will overtake your life to the point that nothing helps you anymore.
Now Your brain has balanced for the drug to be present. Thanks to good ol homeostasis. Your new normal will be down and your highs will only make you feel normal as in before you started using.
Good luck and hope you wake up to reality one day I'll pray for ya.