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How long would it take you to give your child their freedom back?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by pineywood, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    I asked this question in another post, but it kind of got lost among other issues. So, I wanted to give this topic its own thread.

    Do you think it is better to ground or take away the privileges of your child for an extended period of time? How long is enough time to get your point across that there are consequences to their actions?

    Do you think the longer you ground your child, the more the resentment builds and the reason they are in this predicament becomes muddled into a issue of anger at you for being the "bad guy"?
    IrishHeather likes this.
  2. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    I do think think grounding only breeds resentment and creates more problems. I think punishment needs to be more than jailing a child in their home. I think parents need to be more creative in their punishment. Make the child work, make them sweat, pull weeds. I like the idea of making a child volunteer at a homeless shelter to make them see what could come of their addictive behavior. I really like the scared straight program and think it should be used more. "Grounding" just doesn't have the same effect as it used to.
  3. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    I think two weeks is enough time to keep your kid grounded. Any extended period of time would be risky in the sense that he/she would not be able to stomach further infringements of their rights.
    pineywood likes this.
  4. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I absolutely love your stance on punishment - especially the idea of showing kids the real world effects of what addictive behavior can potentially come to. The entire concept of volunteering to me is a great one because not only does the child (hopefully) learn a lesson, they also get to give back to the community. Makes the best of a tough situation.
    MrsJones and pineywood like this.
  5. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    I think and know that punishment only creates resentment. A different approach, such as an open communication and education might be in order. Pointing a finger at your child and telling it that it did wrong isn't enough in my opinion. Things need to be analyzed, talked about, solutions need to be found. Remember, you have a responsibility to give your child the best you can.
  6. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I always think that freedom is just an invented concept that doesn't really serve any good, unless you're completely responsible and disciplined well enough. If I had children, I would never give them "full freedom" until they are old enough and disciplined enough and mature enough to make wise decisions. By full freedom, I don't mean that I would prevent them from a lot of things, I would only prevent them from things and be a bit controllable for a while for their own good, so that once they grow up and see their friends that haven't been disciplined around them, destroying their lives, and they are different, they will realize that what their parents did was such a good job of being preventive even if they didn't understand it at that time. We need to protect the children and youth, they are the people who start learning and perceiving the world at that time.
  7. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    I believe the length of the punishment depends of the severity of the action. I also agree that the punishment should include doing something productive during that time but give the child a say in the type of punishment from those you think they would benefit from. In other words not letting them choose their own punishment.
  8. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Absolutely, they also need to be disciplined because it totally helps so that in the future they will thank us instead of turn to us and tell us it's our fault for not being protective and punish them in a way that will make them see what is right from wrong.
    MrsJones likes this.
  9. JoanMcWench

    JoanMcWench Community Champion

    I'm not a fan of grounding. I'm not a fan time outs. I am a fan of taking every minute from my child & putting it into things that will result in positive things. Oh, you want to be disobedient? Well, you'll be going to school, finishing your homework, biking with me to a homeless shelter, & volunteering until it's time for bed. Tomorrow? The same with a different charity. Over & over & over. I enjoy volunteering. It's nothing but a positive for me. We'll both be exhausted but it's worth it. For a few reasons.
    MrsJones likes this.
  10. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    That is what I love to hear. I think this is going to be really helpful for your kids in the future because that will shape them to be who they are, and disciplined enough in life to make the right decisions without depending on their mother/father.
  11. angel_lou

    angel_lou Active Contributor

    Due to becoming a mother at a young age (16) and then living with drug addiction, my approach to motherhood was very relaxed. Don't get me wrong, I have always looked after my children and they never wanted for anything. My eldest 2 are now 22 and 21 and have turned out very well. I never felt to try and ground them and they never did anything to deserve it. When they were teens, they had no set time to be home by and they never abused it. I was always informed of what they were doing, and they came home when they said they would, or let me know otherwise. After seeing my struggle, they are both anti-drugs for that I am ever grateful. I currently have a 6 yr old and an 18 month old and although I still have drug issues, I do feel more of a better parent with slightly different views on raising them than last time. I am more of a parent now not just a mother, if that makes sense.
  12. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    This depends a lot on the situation, as it's something complex. To start with, how old is the child? The age will make a huge difference here. Also, what is the conceived joint plan for recovery? You must agree on something or else you relation will just deteriorate.
  13. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Perhaps, but it also needs strict and try as much as possible to maintain the relationship and show them that you're doing it out of love.
  14. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Parenting needs as much loves as it needs discipline, I think no one can argue against that. Even if we love them unconditionally we need to set rules, we are the parents after all.
  15. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Absolutely. Parents is not always a friend, eventhough they are friends and they can be, being a parent is much more important than just being like a friend. By being a friend I mean, friends don't care like parents care and love their children. So I see your point and you're absolutely right.
  16. katherine25

    katherine25 Senior Contributor

    I don't think grounding a child is the proper punishment. I do however agree that taking away certain privileges is a good idea but I do think there should be more to it. When I was a kid my parents knew that sending me to my room as punishment would never work because I had to many things in my room to keep me happy such as a TV, computer and my phone but if they took those things away from me then I was affected by it. I also agree with community service as punishment, I think that's a great idea.
  17. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Many times we can see that our kids will be give us trouble when they grow up even when they are kids. Is there something we can do about it as parents? I'll let you know in about a decade, but ultimately it is their choice.
  18. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I believe you can affect the way they would make choices. When people say it's their choices, or they will choose it, and we can't be certain what they will choose, it's often a misconception because I believe choices are backed up by the way someone was raised, or certain experiences leads people to certain choices, so affecting the way you raise up your child, makes a major difference.
  19. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    That's really nice. I also believe punishment should be deeper where they actually feel what they've done was wrong and feel remorseful so that they won't do it again. Remorse certainly is a sign of regret and regret leads to change, so if a child or a teenager feels regret for a certain bad thing they did, it's good, and it's good if they cry about it because it shows a sign they have conscience and they care!
  20. chanelskii

    chanelskii Member

    I think it should be clear to the child why they should be grounded, what actions lead you to do that to them and that they understand why you have to do it. Although personally, I don't like grounding, still it shows authority, as long as it is done in a proper way. If you're going to ground your child, tell them a reason in a serious but non-shouting manner. And appropriate the punishment with the age. If you can help it, find ways that would punish yet will also help them as they grow up.