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How long would it take you to give your child their freedom back?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by pineywood, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Yeah, being polite helps but sometimes yelling at a child will shock them into realizing they shouldn't disrespect and should obey and act accordingly. Of course, not a violent way, there's a limit absolutely.
  2. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Yes, I believe in that too. We need to keep them occupied with good things and above all to give a good and healthy example. If we don't do so we simply cannot expect them to do what we want if we don't do it ourselves.
  3. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    That's true. I certainly cannot expect my child not to smoke if I myself smoke for example. It's mere hypocrisy and it doesn't work, it destroys. It's also good to be careful what environment we create.
    sunflogun likes this.
  4. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    That's a good example you give there, my brother and I started to smoke precisely because of my dad as he smoked as well. If he did sports would have we started to do sports too?
  5. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Not necessarily, but it's a good influence and there's a chance you would. If from a child your dad said you need to do sports it's healthy, you probably would, but I don't think it's much up to what your dad or parents do, it's more up to what you as a person perceive of it, meaning, if your parents smoke and they don't seem to have a problem with it, then you would think to yourself, if you smoke it wouldn't matter. Some people though, have parents who smoke but they wouldn't because they know it's unhealthy and don't want to go there, but a lot of people with parents who do so, would end up doing that because they just think who cares, my parents did it and they wouldn't be mad at me because they aren't mad at themselves for it.
    sunflogun likes this.
  6. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    I really don't think there is a specific timeline or time to give the freedom back. Whenever I know they have learned their lesson and whenever they can prove to me that they are ready to make adult decisions, then I will let them have their freedom again.
  7. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    That is completely true. Love and discipline are equally important, but totally different as well.
  8. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    You need a watchful eye and let your kid free. Never ground your child.as they grow they will learn to change. Be full of advice according to what you see interests your child most. They first need to understand that you love them as their parent, that is why you must advice them.
    sunflogun likes this.
  9. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I share your view 6up, we need to give them freedom and we should not punish them when they are older without trying to talk first and reach an agreement, I think conversation is the way to go.
  10. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    That's what I am talking about, a good influence, a good example, if we manage to give good examples most likely our kids will follow our example, at least the odds are on our side.
  11. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I can't say I have grounded my son in any effective way and he is in his early twenties. When he was much younger as a form of discipline, I would take away some of his privileges for a while and I don't remember them having any real effect. I honestly could never measure the success of this method.

    I recall his dad intervening and imposing some restrictions at one point in his early adult life. The results in my mind were near disastrous. For the first time I saw a rebellion and indifference from my son that I did not even know was possible. Fortunately, he has never resorted to drugs or alcohol, but I know there are other things out there which might be equally damaging.

    If there are great benefits to imposing restrictions, I am yet to see them where most of the young ones I know are concern. Others close to me who got mixed up in drugs built up a lot of resentful for what they saw as unfair "punishment" and limits.
  12. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I totally agree.
  13. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Do you have kids kyler? It's something really hard, bringing them up, but at the same time they do make us grow because we are their mirror and we want to see them doing good things.
  14. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    True. I don't have kids no and I am not looking to making one for a long long time because I have a different opinion on bringing kids, especially me suffering thinking this world is miserable, I don't want to put a child in it and one day see him in pain. Do you have kids?
    Winterybella likes this.
  15. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I find your prospective quite interesting and one day we could perhaps introduce the topic in another thread. I do have a son who is now in his early twenties. There was a time I used to have strong opinions very similar to yours and then he came along and while I have not regret (he is my heart), I am constantly concerned about his well being and the kids he speaks of one day having.

    Sunflogun said something that captured my attention.
    Quote "It's something really hard, bringing them up, but at the same time they do make us grow because we are their mirror and we want to see them doing good things."Unquote...
    Those comments are quite loaded.
  16. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    We should make a topic about it. I would say my position is me experiencing pain, and not being able to cope with it myself, I've thought this world and in the current environments, it's too bad to bring children in and it's not recommended. It might be nice to have a child, but I wouldn't want to be selfish on the matter that bringing a child into this world might be something to be proud of or something to look forward to, I most likely look on the side of, will this child appreciate living in the future, will he be wise in choices, will he be hurt? It's very important.
  17. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    I hope a topic is started on this subject, too.

    ==================

    Totally enjoyed and appreciated all of these responses!
    I would like every post, but would flood the board, lol.

    My children are older now, too. College students. As my daughter is autistic, her independence and guidance is a bit complicated vs my son. Of course, will always be there for them both equally.

    Anyways, I never grounded my children; although curious what others thought. I was big and still am on consequences. I think this goes back to my childhood. It seemed like I spent half my life being grounded.
  18. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I know for a fact if parents went through abuse or something in their life that made them realize they wouldn't want that to happen again, they wouldn't do it for their own children and would take the greatest caution to treat them better. Just a question though, what type of Autism does your daughter have?
  19. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    Hmm. I hope you do not think, I thought it was abusive for my parents to ground me. I have not really talked about my younger days on this forum. The reality is that I was wild. I did what I wanted when I wanted. Although, I do think, if my parents had been more communicative vs just laying the law down, maybe I would have been more receptive. But you know, as I think back on it, I doubt it.

    Anyways, as I am sure you know, and others too, the spectrum of Autism is difficult to define, but it does border on what is commonly known as Aspergers. Others mistake her mannerisms as either shy or standoffish. Some even go as far, as blatantly telling her get a grasp on her confidence, grow up, etc. She has a delayed response time in processing communicative information. Although, she has an exceptionally large advanced vocabulary and a grasp on extremely technical knowledge, it is social cues and casual conversations that are an issue. I will give you an example, she has never gotten on the telephone and had a fun chat, ever. By the way, she is blessed with beauty inside and out.
  20. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Yes, that is a correct view, bring them to this world to suffer is something we need to think about. I have a couple of kids, things happened and now I just do the best I can.