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How long would it take you to give your child their freedom back?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by pineywood, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. Tryner

    Tryner Member

    Punishment is always necessary when a child breaks clearly stated rules, but you need to be sure to discuss why they're being punished. It's also good to make them aware of a stricter punishment if that rule is broken again. However, if you've never had a conversation about a certain thing, they do not deserve consequences, but to be educated on why their decision was wrong. The second time around, though, grounding/loss of privileges is more than deserved.

    They'll definitely despise you for a while, but what kid doesn't? Mistakes help people learn, and I don't think it becomes an actual problem until they become a repeat-offender.
  2. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Working with kids have to be something totally rewarding, it's something I'd love to do I think. I say I think because it's exhausting as well, but their smiles is totally rewarding.
  3. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I love kids because I love feeling responsible since I'm not that old, I'm only 18 years old and I just enjoy taking care of people, it's something that I love.
  4. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Yeah, my wife took care of kids with needs very young too and I think that made her more responsible. Many people don't have such responsibilities while so young, so it's a good experience to mature ourselves.
  5. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Sure. I also know that kids always need a mother and I'm sorry but that's just a fact, they cannot grow up properly with just a dad because a mother has something in her that a dad wouldn't.
  6. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I would not go that far, but certainly that something might be missing. All in all a kid is better off with just one good parent than with two that create a bad growing environment.
  7. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    When I say a mother, it's a well functioning mother that has a well being and well spirit, well mind. I think it is necessary for a kid to have a mother to grow up with and not just a dad because the motherly instinct is different than dads.
  8. IrishHeather

    IrishHeather Active Contributor

    My husband and I have an interesting approach to grounding, we call it a "privilege points system". Everyone starts out with 100 points, kind of like an A in school. Each set of points corresponds with a privilege access level, say for instance, 90-100 is full privileges, as they go down levels they loose access to certain privileges. When one of our children does something to warrant grounding they loose points. And when they do something positive such as good grades or chores the earn points.

    This approach can be very time consuming and detailed to get started, but once you get the hang of it we believe that this approach teaches our children responsibility for their actions. It gives them a certain control over how positive or negative their lives can be, and shows them the results of positive and negative behavior.
  9. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    That's a good approach I would say, that's good. Very inspiring.
    IrishHeather likes this.
  10. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    Oh, you and your husbands approach sounds like a wonderful idea. I am going to share this idea with others, including my own children. Maybe, they will want to try this out with my much anticipated, someday grandchildren. Do you have a list made of behaviors; such as, what will earn them points?
  11. Pendulum

    Pendulum Member

    Questions like this keep me further from wanting to be a parent myself, to be honest (I don't mean to disrespect you in any way)... I would probably be either too benevolent or too harsh with my children in case they misbehaved. I just know that I would definitely talk to them about what they had done and encourage them to stop behaving like they had previously.

    This may actually be a good idea, but it seems extremely tiring to plan, as you have said...
  12. IrishHeather

    IrishHeather Active Contributor

    Some of the behaviors we have listed are:

    Positive

    • Bringing up grades in school ie. bringing a C to a B.
    • Doing chores on time.
    • Extra house work above what they have for chores.
    • Good behavior at school and activities.
    • Volunteer work (helping at church and community for example)
    Negative
    • Not turning in school work or homework
    • Misbehaving at school or activities
    • Not doing chores
    • Fighting
    These are just some examples, of course each plan should be costumed tailored to the particular child's needs. Part of the fun with this plan is to have the child help with what actions warrant positive or negative point values, this lets them become aware of what actions he or she should be mindful of. There is so much flexibility with this plan that the interaction with you and your child could be endless, which in itself is a bonus! :)