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How to help a addicted spouse

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by need help, Apr 12, 2015.

  1. need help

    need help Member

    my wife is addicted to meth and I'm not sure how to help her. she really wants to stop and I believe her and I try to support her with her battle but I feel I need to do more to help her how do I do that
  2. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    You need to support her in every way possible. Give her a shoulder to cry on for she is going to be emotional for awhile. Make sure she has a routine and she sticks to it religiously. If she deviates from it she might fall back to old habit, and you don't want that.
    ktdid likes this.
  3. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Well, you've just got to be there for her all the time. Try to motivate her and encourage her that she can do it, she can totally beat meth addiction. Don't ever give up on her because that's the least thing she needs right now. Just offer your support and push her a little bit more. I'll be rooting for her fast recovery.
    ktdid likes this.
  4. rightct

    rightct Community Champion

    You can't, unless your power of will upon her is bigger than her attitude. Meth is known to cause addiction and fixation, and once you're in, the odds of getting out by yourself are quite low unless forced to quit. I'm not saying you should lose hope, but simply seek professional help or call 911. These two options would help the situation a lot.
  5. sadgyrl1325

    sadgyrl1325 Member

    You can be of very much support to her, but you will have to be understanding. In the beginning she will be very angry, grumpy, irrational, and moody. Just have patience with her and dont get upset and argue because that will just make her want to use again, instead just agree with or ignore the comments she makes. She will want to sleep a lot at first and you should let her. The longer she sleeps the less likely she will relapse. Don't give up on her because it is a hard battle I myself have fought that battle and have seen others fight it as well. Good luck and remember dont give up and always lift her up with encouraging words.
    ktdid likes this.
  6. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    Meth is extremely addictive. Many people can not successfully get into recovery without going through a rehab program. If she really wants to quit, get information about rehab options in your area and support and encourage her to make the decision to go. As much as she might not want to have to do that, the chances of her getting off it without professional help are not very good.
  7. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    I would agree with other posters who say that you should consider getting professional help with this issue. Meth is one of the most addictive substances out there and willpower alone is not usually enough.
  8. bsthebenster

    bsthebenster Community Champion

    Get professional help. And if possible, try not to nag her to quit. Addicts don't quit to prevent further nagging, they quit for themselves.
    blur92 likes this.
  9. blastguardgear

    blastguardgear Senior Contributor

    Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to walk away and say that you are not willing to carry on living with the denial because its effecting you too badly. its called tough love, you stop covering for them and let them face the full force of what they are doing. That might snap them and make them change the way they should
    Drandolph likes this.
  10. ktdid

    ktdid Member

    some of these repsonses are ridiculous. ive never met an addict who was happy they were addicted. she knows the cconsequences. if jail or tough love worked, people in jail would be released and never use again.
    LOVE HER. Be compassionate, but not a doormat. designate one person that can hold her accountable not you if possible. let her know how you feel when she uses, let her see the hurt. don't get angry at her, be angry WITH her at the disease. she hates it too i promise. get counseling, for the both of you. it is a disease that makes the whole family sick. encourage her efforts. reward her achievements. addicts have an instant gratification mindset. rewards along the way mean s lot. set personal boundaries so you avoid building resentments toward her.
    And MOST important, remember that she is more miserable than anyone.
    she can change, if she is surrounded with reasons and inspiration to do so.
    Blakem23, Drandolph and Lackluster like this.
  11. blur92

    blur92 Senior Contributor

    This is important. Getting professional help in addition to you supporting her is crucial. A person trained in this area will know how to handle the situation from a therapeutic point of view. And like @bsthebenster said, try not to nag. There's a difference between this and being persistent in encouraging her to quit. Don't constantly be on her back about it and lecturing why she should stop, but instead, try keeping her distracted, occasionally saying how proud you are of her in making the steps to recover, and the like.
    ktdid likes this.
  12. Lackluster

    Lackluster Active Contributor

    I consider this the best advice in this thread. Marriage is an agreement between two people to share their lives with each other until the end of theirs. Even if the problem arose after marriage, it's a problem they share and they're going to have to work through it together. And like you said, you have to avoid building resentment, especially in the most trying times. It's harder emotionally on the non-using spouse, but it takes an enormous toll on the addict physically and mentally. Sometimes, they are going to look, sound and act like your wife, but some of the things they are doing to themselves make them seem like a different person entirely.
    ktdid likes this.
  13. cpinatsi

    cpinatsi Senior Contributor

    If you can't find a solution on your own, then you should go seek help from a proffesional. I have done it in the past, nothing to worry about.
  14. Rholm

    Rholm Member

    Be there for her, try to provide emotional support and impart the importance of treatment onto her. Drug addicts oftentimes feel stuck, or can only find happiness in their vices. Give her your love and emotional support, but you have to make her understand how important it is, and how possible it is, for her to seek treatment.
  15. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    You should seek help from trusted friends and close family members, because this is a serious and urgent condition that needs to be stopped—your spouse really wants to stop her habits, and don't let her fight her battle alone. One of my relatives was addicted to a drug and chopped off his little finger trying to stop. He ended up in jail because he couldn't stop, and said that he wished someone had helped him.
    It's not a matter of mental will and brain strength or determination—drugs can drastically alter your state of mind, and turn you into someone who isn't yourself. Try consulting a psychiatrist or looking your condition up on the internet for some help from seasoned experts. Don't give up hope! :)
  16. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I think it's great she wants to stop, that is definitely a very good sign! I hope she is being honest tho, if she is all she needs is for you to support her. If she has a relapse don't freak out so much, that actually makes things worse. Try not to nnag her too much, just keep supporting her while she tries to quit. If she needs something just bring it to her, be a nice, kind & understanding husband. The rest is up to her and her will power.
  17. Drandolph

    Drandolph Member

    Sobriety is up to the user. You can support or show the way. But you have to realize that your loved one has LEFT THE BUILDING they are no longer who they were they are all about the next hit. I know? Because ive done that.
    Supportive. You can be there and understanding as you want to be and they go continue down that spiral down.
    There comes a time when we need to start thinking about ourselves and holding them accountable
    Its hard most def. But why us supporting are not addicts ?
    I feel coddling needs to stop at some time.
  18. frusterated

    frusterated Member

    I'm sorry that you and your wife are experiencing this. I'm living with a spouse who was sober from meth for 7 years. During a time of enormous stress, he chose to become an alcoholic and cocaine user. When his body physically could not handle alcohol anymore, he was sober for a few months, then he went back to meth. I'm at my wits end. The lies, the financial stress, the complete lack of care or concern. I've been trying to support him, but, I don't know if he actually wants help. I don't come from a background of drugs or alcohol. I don't know how to properly handle this. I love him. I believe in his core he is a good man, but, that man isn't present. I'm hurt, angry, and resentful. I know he's ill, my heart breaks for him. But, I'm frustrated and tired. I know I can't fix this for him, but, he thinks he can stop on his own... that he's not addicted. I feel selfish because I'm angry at him and his actions, and my anger is becoming increasingly overwhelming. I want him to be healthy and happy, but, I want me to be healthy and happy, too. He's moved addicts into our home, he claims to give them a safe place. I want my husband back, although I know he won't be the same man. How do I help him understand that there are better options and the effects of the drug use?! How do I not grow to resent and dislike the man I love and married
  19. Drandolph

    Drandolph Member

    There is no HE. IM a she dealing with it. Im so sorry and sad to hear your l ife.
    In all honesty? He was a private user and he brought Noone around except himself..
    I cannot imagine him bringing around user friends.
    You have enough with him.
    You need to stop this asap.
    I have a hard enough with him as a user..him looking towards tecovery without making your home into a conedowm pad.
    YOU are worthy!
  20. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @frusterated...I replied to your post in another thread, so please look for that.