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how to help a drug user that doesn’t wanna be helped especially if you love them

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by pinksnewmex, Mar 26, 2018.

  1. pinksnewmex

    pinksnewmex Member

    ok so this is the second time me and my boyfriend broke up .... i honestly think it’s the drugs the first time i left him he was getting so bad i couldn’t take a shower or sleep at a certain time without being accused of something stupid like cheating so i left him .now seven months later he has calmed down with acting up like that but it’s like any time we fight he uses that drug more or he blames me why he does drugs he has trouble keeping a job so many times he has quit jobs he can’t stay working because of jobs i told him all i want is a nice home for my family but he can’t givd me that i realize now why the drugs make him careless even though he only uses on the weekends .... my question is how to help a drug user that doesn’t want to be helped ...
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @pinksnewmex hello and welcome. i'm sorry you're going through this. there's not a lot you can do for someone who doesn't want to stop using... it's best that you resolve to take care of YOU... practice self-care, learn how to set and keep boundaries with him, no enabling, and let him take full responsibility for his life. it's not easy, but you'll go crazy trying to help or "fix" him.... al-anon says you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

    you deserve a healthy relationship...

    you might find this link helpful: https://the20minuteguide.com/partners/introduction-partners-guide/
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @pinksnewmex.I am a recovering addict of more than 20+years but now i try to help and offer advice.I noticed something very critical in your explanation.You stated he only uses on the weekend's and that tells me very clearly his issue.I hate to have to say this because you seem to be a very loving,genuinely careing woman and please keep in mind this is what i hear from your statement that helps me get an impression of his true heart set.He is not in love with you,the fact that he stays sober to try and keep a job 5 day's a week even though he loses many job's the fact that he uses on his day's off,the weekend which is time alone with you but he is completely emotionally unavailable considering he would rather be high on the weekend versus making an emotional connection with you.Again I'm one person and this is my view point on what i read.I wish you all the best and if nothing else i hope this maybe gives you something to think about,as i believe you deserve better and im not really a person who should say such a thing but i was on meth 20+ year's and though i caused my wife alot of heartache she was always my heart's priority.Good luck and God bless you
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    it might not be an issue of whether he loves you or not.... drug addiction is a brain disorder or disease (some call it a disease). but regardless, unless he reaches out for help, being together will be rough. and there's no way of knowing if or when he will be ready to really get some help and do the work at getting clean.....
    True concern likes this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Dominica is correct,it very well may not be an issue of love again i just want to be clear that i am only one person making the best observations i can based on what i read,however it definitely does not mean i am correct.It is infact a brain disorder and or a disease.I wish you the very best and i hope he does seek professional help for his addiction and as well i think you would both benefit from counseling.God bless you both and take care.Stay Strong we are all rooting for you
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @True concern appreciate your insight and encouragement in the forum!
    True concern likes this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Dominica i thank you very much for that it is always a good feeling to know your appreciated and i as well appreciate you,your a great person and the support you offer is so very important,i am under no delusion that i myself don't always supply the right information as i have lived a very vicious cycle of addiction myself and as i try to encourage i as well need encouragement to.Again thank you for all your care and concern it is a priceless tool that's absolutely necessary and greatly appreciated.
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    i feel there are many paths to freedom from addiction.... what works for one might not work for another, but something you have done or some insight may indeed help another! we share our experiences, strength, and hope.... and people take what helps them and can leave the rest. glad you have found freedom!