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How to motivate my boyfriend to quit smoking again?

Discussion in 'Tobacco / Nicotine' started by Femiluv, May 20, 2015.

  1. Femiluv

    Femiluv Active Contributor

    I was really excited that my bf quit smoking, but this excitement was short lived. He started smoking again after about 3 weeks sober. He said he was planning to smoke less and less as the days ago by. I went for a 2 week vacation on my own and it seems like he's gone back to his old smoking habits and hasn't verbally told me that he plans to quit anytime soon.

    Obviously this is disappointing to me, but it's not about me. He feels sensitive talking about smoking because he considers it a major weakness.

    Have you been successful motivating a partner to quit?
  2. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I couldn't speak as a motivator but my family has successfully motivated me to quit over the years. I still haven't quit completely but I have now significantly cut down on how much I used to smoke, previously. I don't think there's anything specifically said that triggered me to start to cut down but I think the overall vibe of genuinely feeling the concern as well as my own willpower and self awareness contributed a lot to my decision.
    Femiluv likes this.
  3. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    A lot of people threaten to take things away whenever their significant other does not stop smoking. I would try something like that.
    Femiluv likes this.
  4. Femiluv

    Femiluv Active Contributor

    Thanks. I personally don't want to do that as it seems much. If the situations were reversed, I don't think I'd be super motivated to not do something just because someone would take something away from me.

  5. Femiluv

    Femiluv Active Contributor

    Thanks for your input! I agree with you because I feel like my overall concern for my bf's wellbeing was additional motivation for him to quit. Hopefully my concern will convince him to try again.

  6. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    I think it's very much about you as well, as you are exposed to his passive smoking. Perhaps it will make a deeper impression on your boyfriend if you start talking to him about how his smoking is adversely affecting everyone around him. Maybe you could encourage him to turn his "weakness" into a strength by taking responsibility for his actions, not just for his own sake, but for everyone else's sake as well.
    Femiluv likes this.
  7. DM25

    DM25 Member

    My girlfriend had been asking me to quit, it didn't really bother me, the smoking demon had me twisted, very difficult indeed. I tried many times and failed. You need a strong reason to keep motivating you everyday, especially when the crave hits. What really pushed me to quitting smoking was this link, it even helped every time I got a crave, I hope it helps you, get your boyfriend to take a look at it:
    Femiluv likes this.
  8. Femiluv

    Femiluv Active Contributor

    Thank you amethyst and DM25. Those are very good suggestions. I know it makes him feel bad and cut back when I tell him how much the passive smoking affects me. I usually don't mention it until I have a cough and the cigarette smell triggers it. I will follow your advice.
  9. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I honestly don't have a lot support to offer to you, I'm in the very same situation with a loved one who won't quit smoking.

    He does the same your boyfriend does, he is smoking less cigs or so he says, but he doesn't seem to eager to really go for it. I doubt he will make it this time around... I'm sure as soon as he is done with his current pack he will get on his car right to the store buy more. Then I'll be there not knowing what to say and what to do... ending up frustrated and angry.
  10. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Persuading someone to quit smoking is usually a futile endeavor if the smoker himself has no desire to quit. The least a loved one could do is to foster in him the desire to quit and there's a long list of methods for doing so, which may or may not work depending on the smoker's temperament or situation. Some would send the person in question to therapy until the therapist manages to convince him. Others would offer substitutes like nicotine gums, electronic cigarettes and whatnot so that the smoker can slowly let go of the habit. Exposure to salient smoking facts may also be beneficial.
    kjonesm1 likes this.
  11. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    I agree that he has to want to quit. If you are continually nagging him or throwing passive aggressive attitude, you will have an adverse affect on him. I smoke and my boyfriend doesn't and occasionally he annoys me so much about quitting that it makes me want to smoke more.
  12. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I wonder why he got back to smoking after no smoking for weeks, there could be triggers and knowing those might help on knowing what ways could be done to stop it. I think motivating him to quit would eventually help him and not irritate him cause it will be for his own good as well.
  13. whitenoise

    whitenoise Senior Contributor

    This is a hard situation and you won't be able to figure it out by yourself. I believe that you need advices from an expert in this field that treat cases like this everyday. Anyway you should better try to convince him harder about how important is quitting smoking.
  14. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    While that's true, you obviously know your boyfriend better than I do. Think hard. There's got to be some sort of incentive for him to stop smoking.
  15. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    I'd try to talk to your boyfriend about the situation. It's important to not force him into talking about this issue but he also has to understand that this can take a toll on your relationship.
    If he was able to quit once I'm sure he can do it again! He needs to understand the consequences of smoking in relation with the relationships with other people.
  16. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think it's time to try something different. How about you try to scare him with all these photos of the internal organs of smokers and you compare it to the organs of non-smokers? I had a magazine that showed just that. The pics just might scare him!
  17. Femiluv

    Femiluv Active Contributor

    Haha, it's interesting to hear a smoker's perspective. I try not to be passive aggressive (I'm typically direct) and trust that he wants to quit and will do so on his own timeline not mine. I don't nag either but I think the understanding that this affects me (a non-smoker) is pretty important too and can be a motivation to quit.
  18. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think there's only so much you can do to help him stop smoking. Some people, the more you talk about it the worse they get because people dint like being told what to do, it's got to be his own decision.

    At least he's showed that he can stop, and he's making the effort to cut down. The first step is always the hardest, maybe if he does manage to cut down, the next step will be quiting completely.