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How to save an addicted friend?

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Mayoress, Feb 27, 2016.

  1. Mayoress

    Mayoress Active Contributor

    He was my best friend in highschool. We were so close and we didn't ever want to leave each other.
    But I and my family had to move out of the state. I missed him a whole and never really got a friend as good as he was. Later on, we lost touch. I wasn't on Facebook and I didn't try to search for him.(still regretting that.)
    I rented a small apartment last month. It's closer to my present working place.
    When I saw who my neighbour was, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was Josh! My highschool best friend.Was this a coincidence? I just couldn't comprehend.
    But it felt so nice to have him closeby. I wanted us pick up where we left off, continue to be friends. But then I noticed some of his strange behaviors. He was hiding things from me, he wouldn't let me see his apartment ( something he never did before.) At first I thought he was now a horrible person who didn't know how to treat people. But then, he came over and apologized to me, then he invited me in. I didn't notice anything, I was just so happy that he was still himself, and I also found that he was a hip-hop dancer.
    I got back early from work on one of those afternoons and decided to give him a surprise visit so we could eat pizza and watch a show together. (That was how we used to catch up). I knocked several times but he didn't open the door. So I went in, and to my greatest horror, Josh was laying unconscious on the floor with white substance all over his nose, his mouth and the floor. Then I didn't need anyone to tell me. My friend was into drugs. I called a private doctor to treat him because I didn't want to get him in trouble.
    I still feel very bad about it. It saddens me whenever I think about it. He wants to stop, but he doesn't want to go to rehab. He wants to deal with it on his own. I'm trying my best for him. But what else can I do if he refuses to go. I don't want my friend to be destroyed, because he means a lot to me. I'm so desperate, he was such a sweet boy in school. What do I do to help my friend?
  2. Kolyenno

    Kolyenno Member

    He absolutely needs professional help. There are people training their whole lives to help people like your friend.

    He already is in a huge trouble, don't make it worse. Seek professional help for him. It will be appreciated in the long run.
  3. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @Mayoress! Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about the current situation of your friend. Well, I could really feel how much you care for him, and how badly you want to help him, but it looks like he's not ready for rehab or professional help, so I think you should just give him enough time. Don't try to pressure or push him into it, just be as supportive as possible.
  4. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    The truth is @Mayoress you cannot do it alone and cannot keep hiding it. You could meet a professional together and be there for him because he may not want to go alone. You need to see him through it all. But don't force him, just express how much he means to you and how you would like to seek help for him. With you by his side, I trust he will quit.
  5. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @Mayoress Hello and thank you for sharing your story in this forum. It seems your best friend is not yet ready for a treatment since like what you had said he wants to deal it on his own. Just be on his side all if you worry all the time for him. Show to him that you really care that is why you always keep on reminding him to go to a rehab. Who knows in due time he will be enlighten and realize all of this thing. Keep on praying and have that faith.
  6. fergilicious

    fergilicious Member

    You should stay by his side and keep supporting him. Don't let go of the hope that you have for him. Sooner or later, he'll come around.
    And also,don't put too much pressure on him so he will not push you away. Just chip it in your conversations once in a while, and soon - if he really wants to get better- he'll realize that what he needs is professional help.
  7. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Agree that he needs professional help and maybe try consulting a professional that could guide you how to better convince or approach him. Maybe also there could be someone who can also try to convince him like family members.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Welcome @Mayoress. You have already received a lot of responses so far and I would like to add mine as well.

    I agree that your friend should seek professional help but until he is ready to do that I suggest you get to know him better. It is obvious that he has gone through a lot of changes since you last saw him. Be curious to find out what those changes were or are this may help him realize that he may need professional help. See if he trusts you enough to share his story with you.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. akiram13

    akiram13 Community Champion


    First off I am sorry that your friend is struggling with his addiction. He is very lucky to have a friend that cares so much to try and help. It is sad that you both lost communication and that he went down a different road. You shouldn't put it on yourself though for losing contact ok? Also your friend really does need help and you shouldn't keep it a secret because he is hurting himself in the end. Until he realizes that he needs the help you can't force him to go. But you can be supportive, don't give up on him and have patience. Maybe you came back into his life to help him out the hole he has dug himself into. I guess it depends on how you look at it. I hope that he will get help and that you can be strong for your friend. If you pray please do for your friend. I believe prayer is strong when heartily felt. GOD bless.
  10. lost247

    lost247 Active Contributor

    It makes us feel so incredibly helpless when we watch someone we care about destroying themselves. Sadly, when it comes to addicts, my personal experience (from both sides) is that pressure and ultimatums are a sure way to push them away completely. My only advice is to try to keep an eye on him if he's so close geographically, and just be present in his life as a positive point. They will not get help unless they want ti, and if they are ever actually forced into it, it never actually lasts.

    sending you hope and strength for you and your friend.
  11. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    When I was in college, I had an addict friend. Once day he came to me and said that he is willing to give up addiction and wanted my help. I agreed. Thus he shifted to my dormitory. As long as I was with him, I limited his drug intake. However, I could not make him give up drugs. It is really hard when the addict does not try himself.
  12. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Try to convince him to go to rehab or to undergo counselling. If he doesn't want to then there's no other way that you can make him stop. The first step to recovery must come from him.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    @OP if your friend isn't willing to go to rehab for some reason since it can be very hard for someone with no support network to make it on his, you should try to convince him to join a local narcotics anonymous group. Though they may not be as good as getting professional help, maybe the support and knowledge he'll gain from other members might be what he needs to get him started in the right direction.
  14. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    Hey there! I'm so sorry to hear that about your friend. I think that everyone here agrees on having your friend seek professional help. You should convince him to at least talk to a counselor if he doesn't want to go to rehab. Perhaps you can also seek the advice of a professional as well on the best way to approach Josh about this matter. I hope everything will work out fine. I wish you and Josh the best.
  15. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    .I join with those who say you need to convince your friend to get the professional help he needs. Someone suggested that if he does want to go to rehab you should at least try to get him to talk to someone who can give him some professional advice.

    I invite you to take what you can from the forum and the resources it provides so that you can help your friend. I don't think I believe in fate but maybe you were suppose to be in his life right now after the distance. I pray Josh recognizes the friend you truly are and cares enough about himself to want to change. Do let us know how thing progress and know that you have our full support.
    xTinx and deanokat like this.
  16. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I likewise recommend seeking a professional if you think your support and the support he gets from family and friends seem inadequate. Professionals can offer tried-and-tested solutions, which might work when applied the right way. There are stories and experiences in this forum that are very similar to your friend's case. These might help him understand his situation better.
  17. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    He needs professional help indeed. You need to convince him of that, that is all you can do. But to be honest it doesn't sound to me like he really and truly wants to stop. I think if he did he'd be willing to try rehab... he might be telling you he wants to deal with this on his own just to get you off his back. Just don't enable him, that is the worst that you can do.

    Just observe him, it might be hard, but you might have to put some distance between you and him if you don't feel comfortable with him using. Sadly you can't do much.
  18. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    You cannot save your addict friend unless he/she is willing to give up drugs. I once had a drug addict friend. One day he asked me to help him give up drugs.I accepted and welcomed him on my college dormitory. He was willing to give up drug, but he did not have will power to give up.
  19. rajesh

    rajesh Senior Contributor

    Your friend will not able to leave the drug if he is not willing to do so. Actually, drug changes our belief system by brainwashing. Your friend needs help and you can help him. You can talk to him and motivate him. You can show him many success stories on the Internet and you can give him hope by various methods. You are the only person who can successfully change the belief system of your friend. Good Luck.