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How to stop my mum drinking so much?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Sami, Apr 15, 2015.

  1. Sami

    Sami Member

    Hey guys.

    My mum's drinking has gotten really bad in the last year. It used to just be a few glasses of wine on the weekend, but since she started seeing a new guy it's gotten completely out of control. He's a big drinker - like 20 beers a night kind of drinker - and is always encouraging her to have a drink with him.

    It's gotten to the point where she's going through 2 bottles of wine a night and is always hungover. He's a really nice guy when he's sober, but they're always drinking and he's always encouraging her to as well.

    So I guess my question is - how do I ask her to stop? I don't mind her having a few glasses a night, but it's really upsetting to see her wasted on the couch every night. I love her and want to support her.
  2. Johnsnow123

    Johnsnow123 Active Contributor

    I know this can be frustrating, because I've been through the same thing, I wish I could've saved my mother but a good tip is to spend more time with her. She's probably in a depressed state and she needs you, more than anyone else. Help her find something that she loves more than drinking and spend time with her.
  3. May102014

    May102014 Active Contributor

    People tend to drink wine/liquor when they are having problems at work, in the family or other social problems; but for others, they drink just to kill the time. So, the first thing that you'll do is to observe your mum why she drinks that much or ask her if she has any problem or something she is worried about that makes her bothered. You should talk to her every time she drinks and help her to stop if you'll figure out what's wrong. You can also discuss that drinking too much of liquor/wine is bad for the health especially it has a great impact to the liver.
  4. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Find out if there is something missing in her life right now and try to find a way to address it or make her conscious of it. Most of the time people start drinking or abusing substances to fill a void, while most are able to use more moderately if they are well adjusted. Try finding the core of the problem and you'll ultimately solve the symptoms.
  5. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    You say that she's started seeing a 'new' guy? How long as this been a new relationship because sometimes the novelty can wear off pretty fast and she might get bored with her new found, drunken way of life.
  6. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I understand and feel your pain, my wife also drinks sometimes to the point she gets wasted and then I have to take care of the kids and tell them that their mum is okay. It has been affecting the environment and she's seeking professional help and it has been improving. The reason my wife sometimes used to drink is because she gets depressed and she says she wants to feel unconscious because she has a lot of stress going on, however, when she went to seek therapy it has been improving her mental state. Sometimes people who get drunk have a lot going on in their lives. I really hope it works out for your mum, try maybe seek help from people who are professional and can offer a solution. But what I can say is, the best thing you can do at the moment is love her and show her as much care and love as you can. Forgive her and hug her often because love heals. Hope it turns out well Sami.
  7. lgdg090596

    lgdg090596 Senior Contributor

    Just talk to her. :)
  8. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    Well it is obvious what the root of the problem is, he's bad for your mom and she should know that before it gets too late. she could get hooked on Alcohol very quickly so act fast, talk to her and explain how bad he is for her and that she can find other nice guys who will be really good for her...
  9. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    You just need to tell her how you feel. If you truly care about her you wont hold back your feelings and you'll tell her.
  10. wahmed

    wahmed Active Contributor

    Sit down and talk to her. If it doesn't stop involve someone before it gets out of hand. Don't suffer in silence
  11. pinksavage22

    pinksavage22 Member

    I have been there too. My mom and her boyfriend were out drinking frequently and it got to the point that she was drinking and driving. Just sit her down and talk to her tell her how you feel and tell her it is coming from a caring place and you love her and just want the best for her. How new is the relationship? It could also be just a phase since its a newer relationship, sometimes people tend to drink because they are nervous or uncomfortable. Regardless though, I would still speak up with her alone and tell her your feelings, the last thing you want is to sit in silence and the drinking gets too far.
  12. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I would try talking to her: reasoning with her so to speak. Sometimes unless you speak up people don't realise how much you care and how much their actions are affecting you.
  13. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Sorry to tell you this, but as long as she is with that guy she won't stop. She already had a drinking problem, then this guy came and things worse.

    Your mother was already dealing with alcoholism. This guy could end up destroying her, she definitely needs to stop seeing her. Remember that a person like her needs to surround herself by people who are not into self-destructive activities.

    She has an addiction, she needs to realize that on her own and decides what she wants to do next. She has a problem, but she seems to be too busy with that guy and her drinking... I doubt she will listen to you or anyone, but who knows! Maybe it works! Have you thought of an intervention? Those sometimes work... but you can't really reason with an addict when it's on the prime of his/he fun, I should know...

    Whatever you decide to do, please do let us know how it goes! Best of luck!
  14. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Agree that you should talk to her about it cause she might need someone to help her realize her over drinking. Although it will not guarantee that she will listen to you, at least you give it a try. You can also try to ask help/support from people around you like relatives, friends or support groups in the community.
  15. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    Suggest to her if she can go to a rehab. At her current state she can be unable to do her chores. Have you talked to your aunties? Can she listen to them? Try and find out. If stress is the cause then try and find out what stresses her. Talk to her friends if they can help.
  16. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Don't think doing this works at all.

    Happens than a mother may understand a child having concern on the way she drinks, but if there is a man in between, she will ignore her child wanting to please her man.

    I would say that if this guy your mom is dating can be a nice person when sober, try to get closer in sobriety to earn his confidence and find a way to make him see you are worried about the way your mom and him drink.

    Don't try to make him quit drinking nor delivering a sermon on this but working on his sensitive side, tell him how much you like him and how you would like to see him hangover-free or doing as bad as it could be doing after an all-night drinking time.

    Telling him "don't make my mother drink" will cause a defensive reaction and he may send you to hell, or making her drink even more just to bother you.

    Telling her to stop will only make her ignore you and even get mad at uyo, as she seems to be loving him and wanting to please him.
  17. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    I can imagine that this is hard. I have never had this problem but I bet this is frustating to deal with. It seems like the people we love so much can have such strongholds over their life. It is like people are sitting back watching the people we love hurt themselves. I imagine that fear can set in.
  18. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    That's a tough one. I know it's upsetting to see your mom going down the wrong path, but there is, unfortunately, nothing you can do. A person must want to change in order for change to happen.
  19. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    Your problem is very complicated. The thought of seeing your own mother in a situation like this is very frustrating. In as much as you want to tell her to stop and how you feel about her drinking sessions with that guy every night, you are hesitant on how you can tell her directly that what she is doing is not right in the sense you do not want her to get upset with you when you will tell it to her. But instead there is no harm in trying and try to talk to her if you think she is okay to talk to. Let her feel how you worry for her and I am sure as a mother she will emotionally feel it coming from a loving child.
  20. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    The guy who is a big drinker is not good for her. Let her know that you love her and you're doing something genuinely good for her, and prohibit her from dating the guy—you have to be the stone-faced parent here. It's for her own good, and you have to consult a professional that can assist you on the field. There's a lot of online consulting services like 7 Cups of Tea with trained listeners that can help you and suggest solutions.
    Let her know, gently, how much you love her and tell her how bad her future looks when she's hanging out with the big drinker.