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How To Tell A Friend to Quit

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by suegiplaye, Jul 19, 2015.

  1. suegiplaye

    suegiplaye Member

    I have a friend that I have known since we were kids. He is a very attractive guy . I guess he just let life get to him. Every time I see him he seems to be high. How can I bring it up that it is bothering me and I worry about him? How can I get him to quit?
  2. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hi @suegiplaye! :) Thanks for joining us and sharing your friend's situation with us. Since you've known your friend from childhood, I would guess that you guys are really close and you know each other so well. Given that fact, it would be easier for you to open up your observation and concerns to him because of the longevity of your friendship. If there's anyone who knows him well, it would probably be you.

    Try to open up to him slowly and in a calm non-judgmental manner. He might resist your opening up to him at first but if you make him feel that you are not trying to interfere with his life or his decisions but rather trying to be the good friend that you are to him, he will eventually listen to you.

    Approach him now and begin your slow intervention to helping him change. I wish you luck and I hope to hear more updates from you soon. :)
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @suegiplaye... Like I commented in the thread you started about your brother, I suggest you find a time when your friend isn't high and sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Tell him that you're concerned about him, and that maybe he should take a closer look at his drug use and how it's affecting him and those around him. You can't get him to quit, though. Only he can do that. As loved ones of addicts, all we can do is express our concerns and love them unconditionally. And, if they decide to quit, support them 100 percent.
  4. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Hi @suegiplaye Your friend's potential to quit substance-abuse, healing and recovery is a decision that must be made on his own. Do you know of a community rehab counselor/adviser/worker who can support you and help you and your friend to want, upon his decision, to put a stop to his addiction? I think your friend isn't that desperate and broken to "feel the need" to respond to his conscience to listen to body's desperate cry to stop ruining himself?

    Would you be able to contact his family and loved ones? They might be able to help him to decide to rehab.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @suegiplaye... Check out the book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's a book for people who have loved ones suffering from addiction and it takes a different approach than many books. It's all about love, kindness, and--for you--self-care. It offers some great insight on how to help motivate a loved one to want to change. I think you'd get a lot out of the book. I wish it existed when I was dealing with my son's addiction.
  6. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    The best time to talk to your friend would be when he isn't high. He may not take well to you bringing it up because he probably doesn't think that he has a problem. You can talk to him and let him know how you feel and that you are concerned about him. In the end though, he is the one who has to want to make the changes. He has to want to do it for himself. Nobody can do it for him.
  7. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    There is no way to get someone to quit if they don't want to, but there is every reason to encourage a friend to quit and seek the help they need in order to do so. It will all depend on how long you have known this friend and what the status of your relationship is. It will probably be rather difficult to talk to them about quitting if they are high every time to see them. If you have an opportunity to talk to him when he is sober, that might be the best time to gently bring up the subject of his addiction and let him know you are concerned for his health and safety. Be sensitive to his response and make sure you affirm him as a person and let him know you are not condemning him for having a problem, you are there to support and encourage him and want to see him live a better and healthier life.
  8. notathrowaway

    notathrowaway Member

    He'll probably be really defensive about it.

    And depending on that stuff he'll question your motives. That's definitely a big obstacle in dealing with him.

    I don't know the nature of your relationship, you know? There are a few factors that make a big difference in how you should deal with him.

    You might want to get one of his guy friends that say something first.
  9. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Try to have a heart to heart talk with him when is not high. I am assuming you are really close to each other since you are childhood friends so, most probably he will give time to listen. But it will still be him that could make him change and you cannot really force a person to change if he does not want to.
    deanokat likes this.
  10. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    The concern for your friend is admirable @suegiplaye. Since many people start using drugs for a reason, try to find out prompted him to start using drugs. It will be easier afterwards to determine the best way to convince him to stop using drugs. It won't be an easy task but if you don't despair your advice and support could get him to change.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. Cheeky_Chick

    Cheeky_Chick Community Champion

    I think often, with addiction, the best thing that you can do is to address the problem as soon as you can, as this means that your friend will have more of a chance to think about what you have said to them. Admitting that you have a problem can often be the main issue for people - once they know what's going on, they can take steps towards getting better, and it is from there that they can really take some positive steps forward in the life.
  12. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    Show them the damage that it is doing to their lives and their loved ones. Show them all of the downsides.
  13. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    When you talk to your friend, though, be empathetic, too. A little bit of empathy can go a long way toward getting someone to trust and open up to you.
    Winterybella likes this.
  14. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    It's hard getting someone to understand how bad is doing drugs or drinking in excess, but certainly. You need to talk to him when he is not high and, preferably, when he is in a cheerful mood so he doesn't take your worrisome the wrong way.

    Addicted people tend to take offense when someone tries to get them quitting, or simply set themselves in denial trying to convince others that they can stop whenever they want, or that there is no problem in the way they are going with the substances they are addicted too.
    Winterybella likes this.
  15. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    Bring it up in conversation over either the habit itself or the cost of said habit, and convince them it isn't worth it, they'll ruin their health in the long run. However most people won't care. A true friend would listen. And maybe even counterpoint you in some categories. The negatives don't always outweigh the positives, but it's very rare to find a case for the positive over the negatives in drug addictions.

    People may want to sugarcoat it. People may want to dodge the issue altogether. But only by talking, understanding, and realizing what is wrong can you finally address an issue.

    If they're not willing to listen, or refuse to listen, they're not really a friend.
    Winterybella likes this.
  16. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    you should remember that he's sick. Just like any disease, there are symptoms and possible cures. You have to convince him that he has this disease.
    Winterybella likes this.
  17. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    The answers to your questions are not set in stone. There are a lot of things to consider too such as his temperament and how you approach him. The thing, though, that as a friend, you must know a great deal about him and are aware of a strategy or method of coaxing that might work. What's your intuition telling you? Just bank on your close relationship and tell him outright, but in an affectionate way, about your concerns. Depending on how close you really are to each other, he may be open to changing himself for the better. When push comes to shove, ask help from common friends and family members.
    Winterybella and JonnyMacdonald like this.
  18. harold

    harold Community Champion

    Let me begin by telling you what you must not do before I tell you what you must do. Many people do not like to be criticized. Don't confront him. Alright, this is what you have to do, advice him. Show him the negative influence the drugs are having on him. Show him what he could achieve if he stopped--what he could do with the money he uses to get these drugs with. You know him better; just show him heights where he can attain if he stopped and let him know the negative influence drugs are having on his health. Talk to him softly. When you talk softly, he will know that you are talking from the perspective of someone who cares.
  19. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    The approach really will either make the conversation, or break it. The first 10 seconds will determine if he takes anything you say to heart.
    Shimus and deanokat like this.
  20. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there @suegiplaye! Welcome to the forum. :) Well, I think the best thing to do is to be honest and upfront to him, tell him that you are really concerned about him being too high, tell him that it worries you to see him like that. Just do it very carefully. I mean, don't try to offend him or something. Best of luck and keep us posted!