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How To Tell A Friend to Quit

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by suegiplaye, Jul 19, 2015.

  1. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    This is very true. Read body language - posture, eyes, contact, voice, everything. Read the situation - in the first 10 seconds, they will either set it down in their mind you're out against them, or you're butting into a situation that doesn't require your two cents. If not, they will approach you open minded and listen to you. The people who just wall you off aren't ready to be helped yet - because they're not even willing to help themselves.
  2. Thejamal

    Thejamal Active Contributor

    Sorry for your situation. It's definitely one of the worst to be in when we see a loved one throwing their life away with drugs. All you can do is tell him that his drug use is not only affecting him, but everyone else around him, including you. Just be a constant reminder that his drug use is incredibly harmful to his life and others. As others have said, also look for a favorable situation to have the conversation where he isn't high or won't get incredibly angry and lash out.

    In the end, he has to choose to get help for himself. Just try and point him in the right direction towards getting to that decision.
  3. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    That's all we can do - point them in the right directions and hope they listen and will take advice. Most of the time people just shut you off from the word go if you don't word or phrase it right, or get your true intentions known/across. Just have to make sure they know your intent is good and true, and you want to see them better themselves.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Hiding your emotions won't help, either. If you can get him to listen, let him see how it hurts you.
    deanokat and Shimus like this.
  5. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    This is really great advice. Things are always dependent on some many factors. Take them all into consideration and always reach out to your support network.
  6. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    This is very true. If you approach stone cold with your demeanor already set, the likelihood of someone listening to you is very slim to none. You need to be open, not hiding your true intentions, and let them know how you feel. If they're a true friend, they will respond. It might not be favorable; but a response is what you're aiming for. So if they just clam up and don't say anything, you've obviously approached it from the wrong angle.
  7. Rex

    Rex Community Champion

    Yeah thats going to be a tough situation no mater what you do. I dont know if he is going to want to hear it. That is my experience at least, some people just dont want to face the truth. Maybe im wrong but i would approach that situation with care
  8. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    Unless you can tell the person is someone who will only get their act together after being pressured/yelled at, then by all means yell at them to stop or force them to stop. But if you do, they will probably lapse since it wasn't their choice. But some people you can only get through to by yelling.
  9. Zimbitt

    Zimbitt Senior Contributor

    Well one don't come out swinging, the man probably realized it but can't or doesnt want to do anything about it. First try to find out if he actually is addicted and its bothering him, would be kind of awkward if he just smoked a ton and you confront him.
  10. suegiplaye

    suegiplaye Member

    Hey everyone! Thanks for your responses. I really think if someone wants to quit they will quit on there own. Nothing I say will make my friend quit unless he really wants to. To me, that is the sad truth. But I will try my best.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    You should let him know the effects of using drugs. Do not avoid him since addiction is just like a disease. By showing him love, he will come to understand whatever you are telling him. Ask him if he can avoid friends who influence him into using drugs.
  12. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I was reading and reading and wondering when you might be back here to tell us of your 'friend' and what decision you have made to reach out to him. Friend is a big word and if that attractive guy is really your friend that you care about, you are just going to have to talk to him as friends do- plain and simple. I simply will not have a friend I cannot broach any subject with and something as important as this has to be a priority. Try not to overthink things. What's the worse thing that can happen? He could go further down a dark road and you could be left asking 'what if?'

    You have to take the first step and see where it takes you. Based on the initial conversation, you'll know what direction to take. You never know the affect you'll have on someone until you try, try, and try again. I'd want me friend to help me. That's what friends do.

    I look forward to hearing you have made some progress and even if you don't initially, let us know so that together we can help your friend.
  13. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    Yeah, keeping the person's best interests in heart is the only way for true recovery to begin. Let them know you know you value them more than the drug dealers sapping their life and their money.
  14. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Don't be afraid to be emotional. Let him see you at your most vulnerable. Let him know you're scared. He needs to know you aren't judging him, and you don't think you're better than him. If he knows that you're weak sometimes, too, he won't be as afraid to admit his weakness.
  15. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @suegiplaye... Check in with us when you have a chance and let us know how you and your friend are doing. Thinking about you. :)
  16. Chakra8

    Chakra8 Member

  17. Chakra8

    Chakra8 Member

    This is a hard situation. I agree with Lilann, hers is probably the best approach . It is hard to convince other people about taking a different path. As addicts we need that aha moment where we come to it on our own will. If there is a way, plant seeds and make it a conversation where he comes to it on his own. Make it his idea if possible. Redirection helps. An addict that has idle hands is hard to convince. Meditation helps me alot. You tube has free Binaural beats that help your brain do anything you want. They require headphones to be effective. Check them out it can't hurt. An addicted mind doesn't slow down without practice. My son has autism and they help him alot.
  18. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    this"Binaural beats"? What are they? How do they work? Do you think they'll be able to help me meditate?
  19. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    First time I heard of them myself. I quickly Googled it but it's going to take a while before I get to digest it all. Have a read of the definition I found and later I will check out the YouTube videos.
  20. Chakra8

    Chakra8 Member

    LilAnn, how are you? I believe we are made from Consciousness. Our subconscious has been programmed our whole lives with limiting beliefs. A Binaural Beat is a beat with two different sound frequencies , with headphones each ear takes the different ohms and your brain creates one sound with them. This allows you to use parts of your brain that don't get used. You can connect left and right brain , deal with depression, addiction, learn and retain more, and tap in to your pshycic abilities. They work wonders. YouTube has free beats all day. We have 7 energy centers in our body called Chakras. Research them if you begin when anyone of these are blocked it causes unexplained frustration
    Crown, third eye,throat,heart,solar plexus, sacral, and Root . The crown and third eye connect us to our spirit. The throat and heart make you a better listener and with communication. The heart sacral and plexus help you with intimacy, caring ,and most importantly it helps you lose doubt and fear. The Root is our body on Earth it helps us stay grounded. I recommend taking the chakra test online. This will tell you where you struggle. I must warn videos on you tube about opening your third eye. I don't want to shake anyone's belief system but Heaven and Hell are multi deminsional. If you have demons you will deal with them once your third eye is open. If you feel wierd please don't worry they can't hurt you. It is part of your journey and they leave when your fear does. All answers are revealed within. The kingdom of heaven is in you all . Learn yourself and it will be found. If you need more education on it look up Shamanism and Buddhism. You have no idea what you are capable of. It is amazing. Please get my number and call if you need help. But learn your Chakras first. Matthew 6:22 10:26 14:22 22:29 22:34 Jesus reincarnated. People miss that in the story.
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2015