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How weed has destroyed my life

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by Sertanejo, Sep 7, 2018.

  1. Sertanejo

    Sertanejo Member

    I do not know exactly why I have decided to write these feelings down here. Perhaps, they can help others who feel the same or, perhaps, it is just about me, a way of releasing everything that is hurting.

    I started smoking at the age 14. Now, I am 32. From 16 to 32, I have been smoking all days; rarely, I miss one day or other. During this period of time, I have been done other drugs as well: cocaine, mushrooms, LSD, ecstasy, MDMA, alcohol, benzodiazepines, antipsychotics etc (predominantly weed, nonetheless).

    Nowadays, my mind is completely fucked up. I am totally paranoic. I need to smoke weed for everything. For my work, for my study, for sex, for sleep, for fun, for sadness. In the end, it does not matter, weed will be always present in my life. I smoke, on average, 8 to 10 reefers per day, which means that I smoke my first one after breakfast and my last one just before go to sleep. In this interval of time (from morning to night), I will be smoking as most as possible.

    I have zero enjoyment in my life, nothing gives me pleasure (not even smoke weed because all the time I am smoking I am also guilting myself, because I know I should be stopping). I cannot travel or go out to places where I cannot smoke. I never hang out with sober people.

    I have tried to stop smoking weed hundred of times. I have failed in all of them. I cannot see life without weed. I no longer have emotions for that. I used to have a lot of friends and girls. Now, I still have my friends who smoke. I lost my last girlfriend because she could not live together with me (always stoned). In general, I am so high and paranoic that I cannot approach any women, so that I am living alone for years.

    I hope one day I will be able to live sober and happy simultaneously. However, even considering my paranoic state of mind, I had a lot of fun with drugs so that I believe if I stop I will be always missing this part of my life, which, apparently, is an instrinsic part of my essence.
    lonewolves and deanokat like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Sertanejo... Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing with us. I "liked" your post because I'm proud of you for coming here and telling us about your experience with weed; and because I know it will likely help a lot of people who read it. So often, people think of weed as harmless. And for some people, it may be that way. But I know many people who have had experiences similar to yours. Weed messes up their lives. Makes them paranoid. Etc. That said, I do believe that it's possible to quit. I think if you saw an addiction specialist, they may be able to help you. Have you ever considered doing that?

    We are here to help and support you, no matter what. If you want to talk to us, we will always listen, without judgment. So feel free to reach out anytime.

    Thanks again for your post. And I hope you can find your way out of the weed addiction you're caught up in now.

    Sending you lots of hope and encouragement.
    Sertanejo likes this.
  3. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum, @Sertanejo. I relate to this post SO much. I’m currently 30 hours or so into my millionth time quitting weed. Every single time I try and quit, I barely make it one day and then I use excuses like “I’ll just start tomorrow instead” and “what’s ONE less day of quitting?”. This year I bought a Volcano vape and managed to switch to only vaping for a few months, but then I hit “hard times” and used that as an excuse to continue smoking. Now I want to go to the end of the month with absolutely no weed, no smoking or vaping, just so I can get the addiction “out”. I know this is a dumb idea, but as an addict it is the only thing I know. If I can make it to the end of the month, I will only go back to vaping, which doesn’t give me the satisfaction of smoking. It feels almost pointless, like when I eat edibles. Doesn’t seem to have any effect on me (not that smoking does either, but I think most of my addiction ties to physically feeling smoke in my lungs). Anyways, I’m rambling now; I hope this makes any sense at all!
    deanokat likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Your post made complete sense, @lonewolves. Thanks for sharing your insight with us. So glad you're here. :)
    lonewolves likes this.