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How weed has destroyed my life

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by Sertanejo, Sep 7, 2018.

  1. Sertanejo

    Sertanejo Member

    I do not know exactly why I have decided to write these feelings down here. Perhaps, they can help others who feel the same or, perhaps, it is just about me, a way of releasing everything that is hurting.

    I started smoking at the age 14. Now, I am 32. From 16 to 32, I have been smoking all days; rarely, I miss one day or other. During this period of time, I have been done other drugs as well: cocaine, mushrooms, LSD, ecstasy, MDMA, alcohol, benzodiazepines, antipsychotics etc (predominantly weed, nonetheless).

    Nowadays, my mind is completely fucked up. I am totally paranoic. I need to smoke weed for everything. For my work, for my study, for sex, for sleep, for fun, for sadness. In the end, it does not matter, weed will be always present in my life. I smoke, on average, 8 to 10 reefers per day, which means that I smoke my first one after breakfast and my last one just before go to sleep. In this interval of time (from morning to night), I will be smoking as most as possible.

    I have zero enjoyment in my life, nothing gives me pleasure (not even smoke weed because all the time I am smoking I am also guilting myself, because I know I should be stopping). I cannot travel or go out to places where I cannot smoke. I never hang out with sober people.

    I have tried to stop smoking weed hundred of times. I have failed in all of them. I cannot see life without weed. I no longer have emotions for that. I used to have a lot of friends and girls. Now, I still have my friends who smoke. I lost my last girlfriend because she could not live together with me (always stoned). In general, I am so high and paranoic that I cannot approach any women, so that I am living alone for years.

    I hope one day I will be able to live sober and happy simultaneously. However, even considering my paranoic state of mind, I had a lot of fun with drugs so that I believe if I stop I will be always missing this part of my life, which, apparently, is an instrinsic part of my essence.
    lonewolves and deanokat like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Sertanejo... Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing with us. I "liked" your post because I'm proud of you for coming here and telling us about your experience with weed; and because I know it will likely help a lot of people who read it. So often, people think of weed as harmless. And for some people, it may be that way. But I know many people who have had experiences similar to yours. Weed messes up their lives. Makes them paranoid. Etc. That said, I do believe that it's possible to quit. I think if you saw an addiction specialist, they may be able to help you. Have you ever considered doing that?

    We are here to help and support you, no matter what. If you want to talk to us, we will always listen, without judgment. So feel free to reach out anytime.

    Thanks again for your post. And I hope you can find your way out of the weed addiction you're caught up in now.

    Sending you lots of hope and encouragement.
    Sertanejo likes this.
  3. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum, @Sertanejo. I relate to this post SO much. I’m currently 30 hours or so into my millionth time quitting weed. Every single time I try and quit, I barely make it one day and then I use excuses like “I’ll just start tomorrow instead” and “what’s ONE less day of quitting?”. This year I bought a Volcano vape and managed to switch to only vaping for a few months, but then I hit “hard times” and used that as an excuse to continue smoking. Now I want to go to the end of the month with absolutely no weed, no smoking or vaping, just so I can get the addiction “out”. I know this is a dumb idea, but as an addict it is the only thing I know. If I can make it to the end of the month, I will only go back to vaping, which doesn’t give me the satisfaction of smoking. It feels almost pointless, like when I eat edibles. Doesn’t seem to have any effect on me (not that smoking does either, but I think most of my addiction ties to physically feeling smoke in my lungs). Anyways, I’m rambling now; I hope this makes any sense at all!
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Your post made complete sense, @lonewolves. Thanks for sharing your insight with us. So glad you're here. :)
    True concern and lonewolves like this.
  5. Phoenix1307

    Phoenix1307 Member

    Well the real hard drugs (not marijuana) can cause you to have those psychological effects. I smoke weed probably once a month or so, but I don't have any of these "mental effects" cannabis has been around for centuries. I haven't once thought about being addicted to it. You have a choice whether to trick your mentality to thinking you need it, or not to need it. We all have a choice, and there is always a right or wrong choice.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Phoenix1307... You're lucky you're able to use weed without developing an addiction. And I don't think smoking once a month or so is going to saddle you with any psychological side effects. Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
    True concern and Dominica like this.
  7. Olivia

    Olivia Member

    While I do see where you are coming from, I do not think cannabis ruined your life. I started smoking when I was fifteen, and smoked everyday after that until I was twenty. Then I got caught driving without a license and was put on probation with random drug testing. I said the same thing. I can't quit, there's no way. "You're crazy" but the thing is... when your only option is that or going to jail.. you do quit. You will quit. While I think my probation officer was a complete asshole, I am thankful that I didn't just go to jail. Because, I got clean and then I got a good job, and because I was clean I kept that job. I didn't forget stuff because I was high, or accidentally mess anything up. I stayed completely sober for almost nine months after I got off probation early for passing drug tests, because my job did random hair drug tests. I got laid off from that job and thought, well at least I can smoke I guess. But I didn't want to. I lived with people who sold weed and smoked around me 24/7 and I just didn't want to. I felt free of it. But, eventually, I did smoke again. I seen it coming, so now I have rules. I won't take more than a puff or two a day. I don't smoke blunts or pipes. And I try to not make it an everyday thing. No, I don't think pot ruined my life. I think I just needed a break. But, I wasn't willing to give myself that break. I had to be forced into it. Maybe, that's what you need. You see, pot itself is not naturally habit forming. But, anyone can get addicted to anything if you use it enough. Like, coffee or soda. I don't think cannabis is meant to ever be used the way a lot of people use it.
    As for the psycho-active effects you are experiencing when trying to quit, I would urge you to try using water soli-able CBD. CBD gives you the effects of marijuana yes, but not entirely. I used it when I quit smoking for probation. CBD is non-psycho active. You see, marijuana is psycho-active strictly because it contains THC. CBD is a not THC, and it is non-pyscho-active.Which means it will not mess with your dopamine levels. You will not feel high or happy, but it can relax you. Its great for anxiety, muscle-pain, and anger. If you ever want to smoke cause your stressed, just try CBD in a vape. It is legal and even less habit forming that cannabis. I have used LSD before and I can tell you, that for sure messes with your dopamine levels. That is why you feel the way you feel while you are on it. Alot of the drugs you mentioned dramatically increase the level of dopamine sent to your brain while the drug is in effect. This is fine, but it stops your brains natural release of dopamine. For the next several days your brain will be at lower than normal levels of dopamine, which can cause acute sadness and depressive episodes; given that dopamine is what makes you happy. Regular use of drug like LSD and cocaine have the potential to permanently, or at least for a pro-longed amount of time, deprived you from dopamine almost all together. This is why drug-addicts are often moody or increasingly sad after being high. The loss of interest in every-day activities can be coming from other drugs, however THC could be the cause as well. I think you may benefit from a serious tolerance break. While you are detoxing, read up about the substances you are putting into your body. It is amazing what you'll find. I hope this can give you some kind of direction. I hope you persevere, and thank you for sharing your story.
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2018
    True concern, deanokat and Dominica like this.
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Olivia Thank you for sharing your experiences and your knowledge. You have educated yourself very well. I will agree that I don't think marijuana is as addictive as plenty of other drugs, including nicotine and caffeine, and of course, alcohol. But it certainly can become a habit and I do believe some people do get addicted to it. CBD is proving to have some merit, and I know they're doing research on this all the time which I'm happy about. And like you said I think it's very important to educate ourselves on what we're putting in our bodies, weather it's prescribed to us or we freely take it or even if it's legal, like alcohol. Again, thanks for sharing.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks for the insight, @Olivia. It's much appreciated.
  10. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Trying to quit is never a "dumb"idea regardless of how you try,the point is your trying and I see that as a good idea no matter if it works or not
    lonewolves, deanokat and Dominica like this.