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How would you treat your addicted family member?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by 003, Jan 16, 2015.

  1. 003

    003 Community Champion

    An addicted family member is still a family member, that no matter how much bad he does to you, he'd still have a special treatment from you. And in my own experience, it feels really different with your family member than with an individual you don't really know personally or emotionally attached to. As for me, I still give the proper respect to my aunt that should be given to an aunt despite all the bad things he did to me. I think in that way, I'm not pushing him farther and towards addiction. That's my way of helping her. It doesn't mean though that I simply forget the bad things.
  2. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    I'd still treat that individual with respect, but I would place limits on how far that goes. I can deal with arguments or other issues, whether they're using drugs or not. However, I do have that line where I'll give up on something if it's crossed. I won't look down on a family member for going through addiction or something like that, though.
  3. Twinsmommy31

    Twinsmommy31 Active Contributor

    I love my dad so I still honor him with respect. I do tell him what he doesn't want to hear. I guess one day it will sink in and he will see what really matters. I hear it is best to kill them with kindness.
  4. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    It depends... my sister attacked me with a baseball bat, broke my car windshield, stole my money and Rx (antibiotics she sold to people claiming they were other types of pills), and finally, she tried to run my car off the road. she also had me arrested (falsely) for assault--- i was at work but lost three days of pay trying to prove it.

    So after ALL this, am I supposed to just forgive and forget? Truth is, she is dead now... the drugs killed her. For a long time I felt guilty for not doing enough.. I tried to commit her... I had her in court every month for two years. No matter what I did, the judges would not put her in the hospital! Even when she disrupted court and claimed I was coming through the electricity to kill her.

    Not everything is forgettable. And NO one... NO ONE should ever endure abuse... whether the person is family or not.
  5. gmckee1985

    gmckee1985 Senior Contributor

    To be honest I would be highly upset and disappointed. But I would be there for them ultimately. While everyone think addiction would never happen to them or a family member the facts are that it does.
  6. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I think it depends. If the addicted family member is a threat or do not see you as a family already, I think better to have distance. It will be hard but harder if more lives will be wasted because of the presence of the addicted family member. Like if he or she is trying to influence other family members to get into addiction or being too violent especially in front of the younger members/kids.
  7. ryan0039

    ryan0039 Active Contributor

    I would stand by their side and constantly support them, as I have tried to do with my mom even though our relationship has become more distant and strained as the years have gone by. Trying not to be disappointed when they don't quit immediately is hard, and even if you are all I had to do was reassure her and tell her I wasn't mad and that she could try again when she felt better and it would be alright. I think that helped her quit, even if we aren't close anymore.
  8. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I treat family just as I would anyone else. Just because they are family doesn't mean they should get automatic respect from you, and the seem goes for people who are merely older than me. I think respect is earned and if they did earn it in the past then I would gladly reciprocate the support when it's their turn in needing it, but if they are or have always been bad people then even if they were family I wouldn't feel too compelled to be nice.
  9. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    It's hard. I really try my best to treat my mother with love and respect, but when she gets drunk and is so nasty and cruel to me it's really hard to do that. How long do I have to be the mature one and how long do I have to handle someone who is supposed to love me unconditionally being so absolutely horrible to me?
  10. Jimmy Loc

    Jimmy Loc Member

    I would mention to him or her that that leaving the negative influences behind for new supportive ones is the key to recovery. To remain in the turmoil of addictive suggestion is a bombardment to the mind and is difficult to some and impossible to even more to overcome. Despite intentions it is easy for addicts to relapse at points of craving. Temptation will find its way to protrude one that the recovering addict must be more prepared and stronger than that. I would remind them that I am telling them this, because I care and am there to help them to recover.
  11. May102014

    May102014 Active Contributor

    An addict becomes so harsh and may put someone in the family in danger. But for me, since one of my family member has been addicted to drugs and can harm me, I'll not treat him the same way I treated him before. Maybe, I will not talk to him frequently and I will not stay closer to him. But I'll not do these things in an obvious way so that he will not wonder why and not be mad.
  12. lulu

    lulu Active Contributor

    I would be upset and always have that on my mind but you have to show them respect and let them know you would like the same in return and will work hard to help them. It very hard when it's someone you love very much!
  13. lgdg090596

    lgdg090596 Senior Contributor

    Still give respect here.
  14. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I respected my alcoholic matter a lot, I still do despite all the damage her addiction did to me while growing up. I think it's important to learn to forgive when they have hurt you, not for them, but for your own peace of mind. holding a grudge is not a good thing at all, it has been proven that holding a grudge is really bad for one's health.
  15. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    We should not look down on them cause that would make them feel bad and go deeper into addiction. if anything we should show them love and promise to help them through detox.
  16. 111kg

    111kg Community Champion

    My father has always been an agressive type of person. He was an alcoholic too, not to say that due to the natures of his job, he was never at home. I ran away from home 5 years ago because of him and although we're in some relatively good terms right now, I will never forget him.
  17. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Perhaps, it is helping you more than her. Set a boundary, letting that person know what they have done to you and that you will not allow it to happen again. Then the person will in fact take what they have done seriously and come to have a greater sense of respect for you. I understand you want to be there for that person, but know your feelings are important too. When you treat someone good that has continually done bad to you, they understand they can constantly treat you that way without regards to your feelings.
  18. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Drugs can transform someone into some stranger you barely know but keep it mind that you didn't always hate this person. What drugs have done to them shouldn't change how you feel about them.

    That however doesn't mean you can't take a step back if you are certain that the help you offer or anything you do won't make this person change. Take a step back but make sure that s/he knows you still care and are willing to help when s/he is ready to accept the help that is offered.
  19. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    Addiction is an illness that simply needs to be treated. It is difficult to help addicted family members, because you love them and sometimes the things they say or do can hurt. What may make it even more difficult is if the person you are trying to help may not realize or acknowledge that they have a problem. They need to be willing to accept the help you are trying to give, and they're more likely to do so if treated with dignity and respect, as all human beings should be treated. Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted, and if they know that you're coming from a place of love and care for them, they may be willing to receive the help you're trying to give.
  20. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I agree with you. No matter how bad our experience with a particular member is, he/she is still a relative, he/she is still part of your family, and yes, I would still give respect and treat him/her well.