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How?

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Dman, May 10, 2018.

  1. Dman

    Dman Member

    How? That's what I ask myself all the time. How did I get here? Father of three, still fighting cocaine addiction. 15 years into my addiction, I've just admitted that I'm an addict. The pain of many years of use is catching up, there s no getting through the pain of the next day without alcohol which always leads to more bad decisions. I hope for all of us that are fighting this thing, we win!! And the how is, never to go back!!
  2. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    I get that! I was sitting in front of the judge for my second dwi at 23 years old think how the **** did I wind up here. My life was not where I had intended it to be, I wasn’t the person I had intended to be. But that’s addiction it’s cunning baffling and powerful. It tells us we’re fine and that our life is going in one direction and then we look up and we’re in my case a 23 year old girl who drinks a bottle of vodka a day, just lost her job because she kept showing up drunk, is about to be homeless, is about to go to jail, had ruined any good relationships she’d ever had, lost any moral standards but worst of all I couldn’t stand myself, I drank to get away from myself. The self loathing and shame was unbearable. But that’s what I needed to get sober. I could have quit drinking after my first owi when I was 19 but nnnnnooooooo, I had to to gather more evidence, feel more pain, cause more pain just to be sure I was an alcoholic. I hit my rock bottom in that courtroom, I could clearly see where my life was going and I became desperate, desperate to change. Sometimes I think that utter desperation if what separates those who get sober and those who can’t.
  3. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    True concern likes this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Dman im going to post my personal story and the point of it is not to say i had it worse,infact the point is i lost a wife,3 kid's,and 7 grangkids all because of a story similar.i see the time you posted and im thinking maybe your still awake considering the cocaine.Read my story so you know your not alone and im telling you friend I'm supposed to be dead literally and i beat this **** after 20+ year's.You are stronger than you realize or you wouldn't have posted and reach out so i will extend to you all i have knowledge wise and saddly i know alot but now i use my personal fight to help other's with theirs.

    This is my story of addiction.I was born in the early 80's at the age of six year's old i was diagnosed with A.D.H.D.at that time there was a new F.D.A.approved drug by the name of Ritalin.At first it seemed to be a miracle pill,I was on this pill until the age of 18 at that time i decided i was no longer going to take this pill and it began just under a year passed and someone said "Have you ever tried crystal"which i had not at that time but i tried it and instantly noticed that it was 100% the same effect i got from Ritalin only difference was it lasted longer,or seemed to but honestly it was probably the quantity i was doing was greater than that of Ritalin i struggled with meth on and off for roughly 20 year's,not only meth but i was as well consuming 750ml of Jack Daniel's a day plus a 12 pack of beer.For those who don't know when you mix the two you don't appear to get drunk which is very deadly because infact you do get drunk however you don't realise it until it's too late meaning alcohol poisoning.I experienced this a few times and actually died on a hospital bed due to this fact,it took 3 hits with a defibrillator to restart my heart and i was told the only reason I was hit 3 times was because i was only 19 year's old,but usually after the second time if your heart doesn't restart you are then pronounced dead,but a nurse pleaded with the Dr.to try one more time and he did and my heart started back up.I didn't know at the time but that nurse was actually the mother of the lead singer of Sublime who just lost her son to a heroin overdose.I am forever grateful for that nurse without her plea i would be another statistic.Unfortunately I didn't quite using drug's at that time i just traded substances.I started abusing pain pills heavily and increased that addiction to catastrophic proportions,it got so bad i started injecting heroin which i quickly traded for oxycontin because it was much stronger than heroin.I abused fentanyl as well but nothing compared to the oxycontin.At my worst i was injecting 240-320mg's of oxycontin a day,feeling i wouldn't survive another month i decided to seek help.I'm poor and i come from poor parent's so my options were limited,i ended up at a methadone clinic for help slowly decreasing my extremely high tolerance.At the clinic i had an interview with a drug addiction counselor and an addiction physician,i was hoping for good news but what i heard shock me to my core.I was told by both the same thing,"Sir we are sorry to tell you but your addiction and tolerance is beyond the point of return,whether you quit or continue either way you cannot survive you have if your lucky a month to live"My heart sank and i decided at that moment if i was going to die i would die trying.I went home and prayed and then i called my wife into the room to tell her the news.At that moment i apologized to her told her how much she meant to me and made her promise if i didn't make it she would move on re marry and live a happy life and she noded yes.After that i quite cold turkey and suffered pain and sickness i cannot describe,for 27 straight day's i did not leave the bedroom,i did not eat,i did not sleep,i hallucinated,i screamed in intense unimaginable pain,i lost over 50 pound's in that time frame and had to be rushed to the hospital 3 time's where they would rehydrate me and try to give me pain shots to stall the detox which i refused.On day 28 I took my first steps after i quite and by the grace of God i survived and this May im married 18 year's to my beautiful wife and guardian angel.This is the first time I've shared my story of addiction and i did it for one reason alone,i want everyone to know i understand what you are going through and no matter how bad it gets there is hope.I'm here for each and everyone of you,if you ever need someone to talk to,if you ever feel no one understands im all ears and i do understand.Stay Strong We're rooting for you
    andyd likes this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Definitely experience,hopefully good advice.Thank you for the tag as its obvious i assume this is a similar story.and thank you you came out of no where and got me going to NA meetings now and honestly it means alot i cannot explain how its helping
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Dman thanks for sharing. it is good you are admitting that you want to stop completely and you are willing to reach out for help in doing so. do whatever you have to in order to get on the path of recovery. rehab, counseling, support group, read all sorts of books, educate yourself on addiction, start getting to the root issues.... what is underneath that addiction? why did you start using in the first place? what is it serving in your life? an escape? numb pain? thrill?

    we are here to help as we can...
    True concern likes this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    How are things going, @Dman? If you have some spare time to update us, please do.
    True concern likes this.