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Husband addicted to Oxycodone- need some help

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by LauraSI, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. LauraSI

    LauraSI Member

    hello. I’m new new and need some help. My husband has been abusing Oxycodone pills for over a year now . I just found out last Monday how serious this is . He has been stealing my prescribed medication for about 6 months . He waits till I’m asleep and then goes through my pocketbook . The first time I caught him he cried and said he was sorry and would never do it again . The 2nd time , 3rd 4th and 5th time , same thing . 6th time I left him for 2 days and he swore he would never do it again and I told him I’d leave him for good if it happened again .
    Well it did happen again and I left . He cane out and told me everything . How he buys them at work , the amount and milligrams he’s been taking etc . He’s trying to detox on his own and he’s doing fairly well . I did leave him but go see him everyday in case he needs anything . I’m not leaving him like a dog as I know that would just make things worse . I’m here for him emotionally and he knows I will stand by him while he tries to get over this . So my question is ; I don’t trust him and haven’t for over a year . He destroyed the trust we had and my marriage is broken . How on earth do I fix this ?? I do love him and I don’t like him at all.
    I don’t miss him either . He’s put me through hell the past year and I can’t get over the lies and deceit , I’m currently trying to find a support group in my area for spouses . I need to talk to someone and get a hold on what I’m feeling . Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @LauraSI

    Hello and welcome to the Forum. thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry that you're going through such a tough situation right now . I know it can be very challenging to have a loved one who is struggling with addiction .


    I am glad to hear that you know how important it is for you to take care of you. I know it can be very easy to get wrapped up in our loved ones world of addiction. we give so much energy to that, and then we are literally trying to give from an empty cup. do your best to make it a discipline to practice self-care... to lovingly detach from your loved one regularly so that you can focus on yourself and your life, your dreams and your goals. You cannot fix this. Recovery teaches us, "We didn't cause it. We can't control it. We can't fix it."

    A support group is a wonderful idea. Sometimes attending a 12-step support group like Al-Anon or nar-anon or co-dependents Anonymous can help with that. it's nice to know that there are others in your shoes that can offer you hope, insight, and strength . If you go to their websites, you can put in your city and see where meetings are. It will help for sure.... When I went, I got a sponsor and she helped me so much!

    Is he willing to attend a support group? Or reach out for support? He may need face-to-face help.... I know it's not always easy for people to reach out for help, but it's available, and helpful.

    I find the best way to support an addict is to keep myself on track... keep my focus on living my life, while being there for encouragement and unconditional love... but not "doing the work" for them. He's got to do the work... And more than likely, he won't receive from you like he would receive from someone else (like a counselor, mentor). Maybe he will attend Narcotics Anonymous and you can go to Nar-Anon? That way he's working the program and so are you... not together, but separate. Is he up for rehab? That works for some too! If he can't leave the area, maybe outpatient rehab.

    Know that we are here for you no matter what. I hope this helps and encourages you to know that you are not alone
  3. LauraSI

    LauraSI Member

    Thank you for responding so quickly . I am going to a support group tomorrow evening alone . He feels he can kick this by himself , I differ !
    I don’t trust or believe a word he says and need to get a grasp on how an addict thinks .
    It’s been a week today that I left our home but I visit daily . He can’t understand why I won’t sleep there and just come home for good . Very bad situation he has put me in and after reading many of these posts I am definitely not alone .
    I’m a strong woman and I will get by with or without him . The ball is in his court .
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @LauraSI glad you are going to a meeting. can help YOU keep your peace of mind. Nar-anon taught me that I could best be supportive to keep ME in line... like not lose my peace of mind b/c of someone's addiction. That being said, it also taught me to show up for my loved one with an addiction with patience and compassion. They really don't want to be addicts and if they could wave a magic wand and have the compulsion to use stop, they would. I've heard many recovered addicts state how miserable they were and how they hated themselves b/c they truly wanted to get free.... but couldn't.... oftentimes it takes MANY tries...and various paths. But having the willingness to try... that is key.

    My adult son was over-drinking... hard as hell on me at first then I had to learn a lot of lessons... I am not sure how much he drinks these days, b/c I don't ask. I love him, show up for him, enjoy time with him when we can, and assure him I am here for him if he wants to talk or if he needs help to stop. Meaning, I will direct him to the proper resources when he's ready, if he needs... Make sense?

    You are a strong woman, and you deserve a healthy and safe relationship... I do hope he will step it up and be willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean..... Sending hug.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @LauraSI hi there. just thinking about you and wonder how you and your husband are doing.... would love to hear from you when you get a chance.