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Husband Agreed and is in Rehab! I'm So Anxious. Need Support.

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by spoyltdiver, Apr 9, 2019.

  1. spoyltdiver

    spoyltdiver Member

    My husband has an opiate addiction that had spiraled out of controll over the last few months. He got angry when I called him out on multiple lies and he left (went to his enabling mothers house). Long story short... it was the longest, hardest 4 days of my life... working with his therapist, an interventionist, and 3 rehab counselors... ALOT of really tough love - which is so hard for me.. but. Sunday evening he finally agreed. He went in Sunday evening to detox for 5 - 7 days and then is set up to go into 30 day inpatient rehab.
    This is SOOO Expensive and weve been married less than a year... I'm so nervous and really hoping this will help him. I cannot put a monetary value on his life and my love for him!
    I am here for support. I'm already finding it so hard him being away. All the questions running through my head not knowing what's going on with him in there... Is he ok? Is he angry with me? Does he really want this? Is he doing this for the right reasons? What about when he's clean - will he flip out? Will I really know him clean?
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener


    Hello and welcome. Thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry that you're going to have to go through this, but I am glad that your husband is getting treatment. I'm sure it's challenging to be on your side of this addiction. Here starts your journey on how to best support your husband while he works at recovery and to take care of yourself at the same time.

    There's several things you can do during this process. If you're up for attending a support group, checkout Al-Anon or Nar-anon. You'll find others who are in similar shoes who can surely give you sound advice and support. There's also some great books are there.

    Beyond Addiction: How science and kindness help people change --- is a wonderful book that can help you. And here's a link to a FREE 20-minute guide that can be helpful.

    Keep in mind that treatment isn't always a miracle cure. Sometimes it takes multiple attempts to get and stay clean. There are many factors involved. Surely he wants to remain clean, but know that addiction is a disease of the brain... meaning, it's a brain issue. He isn't choosing drugs over you. His brain will need re-wired so-to-speak. This takes time...patience..and hard work. Trust that he wants to get it together.... and do your best to support him in a loving and compassionate way.

    If you find yourself full of anxiety... really struggling emotionally, check out codependency recovery resources. Some great information out there on that, and oftentimes on the opposite end of someone struggling with addiction is someone struggling with codependent characteristics.

    All opportunity to grow :) Emotionally, spiritually, etc.

    We are here, so please come on as often as you want. You're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone. And, you don't have to have it all figured out today.... It's a process. Change is a process...and takes time.

    deanokat likes this.
  3. spoyltdiver

    spoyltdiver Member

    Good morning!
    Thank you so much for your response. I will check out the links you gave. I'm so hoping he will stay in the program and complete it. He'll be going into the rehab black out period Friday or Saturday (they don't let him talk to me for 7 days after finishing detox and starting the rehab part). I spoke to him last night for our allowed 5 minutes and he was calm and seemed to be retaining some infomration they were giving him, as he told me some things (that I already knew because I set this all up). He did make the comment that "the next part of this is really going to be a pain in my a__" and when I asked him why, he said "because I have to go to like 5 or 6 meetings every day". I hope he doesn't get too annoyed with this information and start backing out. He also mentioned that they may keep him on Suboxone maintenance therapy - I'm scared of that because it's just another opiate.... and we're supposed to be trying to have a baby.... I don't like the sound of that.

    Thank you again!
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @spoyltdiver. I'm glad you found us and decided to seek out some support. Loving someone who struggles with addiction is incredibly challenging, but it's great that your husband is now in treatment. That's a huge step in the right direction, for sure.

    @Dominica has already given you some terrific advice. Like she said, rehab is not always a miracle cure. It can take people multiple trips to rehab before they are able to maintain long-term sobriety. I don't say that to scare you or make you worry; I just want you to be aware of it. For someone with the disease of addiction, long-term sobriety is a learned behavior. And like other learned behaviors, it can take a while for the brain to "get it." It takes commitment, practice, learning from mistakes, more practice, etc.

    The links Dominica gave you are to materials that I think are the best things out there for partners of people battling addiction. They will teach you more about the disease, help you understand what your husband is going through, teach you how to communicate better with him, and--most importantly, I think--how to take good care of yourself while you deal with your husband's issues. Believe me: Taking good care of yourself is absolutely essential while you go on this roller coaster ride. You have to be at your best, both physically and mentally, in order to be supportive and helpful to your husband. Addiction is a family disease, and when someone we love suffers from it, we all need to work on our own recovery.

    Definitely check out an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. Those groups are so awesome. It can be super helpful and comforting to be amongst others who know exactly what you're going through and feeling. You will quickly discover that you are not alone. Continue to educate yourself, too. Knowledge is power, and the more you know about addiction, the more you will be able to help and understand your husband. (Here's a link to a blog I wrote a while back. You might want to check it out: 6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One.)

    Do you know if your husband's rehab has any type of Family Program? If they do, I urge you to participate fully in it. It can be a wonderful, helpful thing, for sure.

    Lastly, please don't let the talk of possible Suboxone maintenance therapy scare you. Yes, Suboxone is an opiate, but it has helped many, many people get and stay clean. In fact, I'm pretty sure Suboxone saved my son's life when he was struggling with a heroin addiction.

    We are here to help, support, and listen. If you have questions, want advice, or just need to vent, please don't hesitate to come and lean on us. And please use the time that your husband is in treatment to practice some radical self-care. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach us that we didn't cause our loved one's addiction, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. YOU are the only person you have complete control over, so that's where you have to put your focus right now. Your husband is in a safe place, getting the help he needs. So use this opportunity to take care of YOU.

    Sending love, light, and hope your way. And I will say a prayer for your husband, too.
    DoxyMom likes this.