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I almost threw it all away today

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by True concern, Jul 28, 2018.

  1. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    This may be long,it may be short I don't know yet.For 2 day's now I have been craving alcohol on a scary scale(considering who I am and where it takes me)So here I am 6 month's sober giving it everything I have to stay that way and though I gave a family member the benefit of the doubt when he got out of jail and encouraged him in every way possible,he was reading the bible daily and admitted meth had messed him up and turned him into a person he is not(I can relate it did the same to me)10-12 day's pass on he is on his second meth binge in the same place I live,myself I have no interest in the drug however I will not allow my mom to suffer while he lies time and time again.This knowledge of what he is doing brought back a rage I haven't felt in month's I nearly went into a sober black out and all I could see was him taking his last breathe after I choked him to death,which I never touched him it was just playing in my mind.I told my mom "I may choke him to death if he walk's in that door high"To which she replied you better ask God to forgive you for saying that,to which I replied I will once I get to prison.I started pacing back and fourth thinking "What's the point"?"Why fight for sobriety,does it really matter"?I paced and paced and I knew one of two thing's was going to happen.1 I was gonna get drunk and throw my life away.2 I was going to ignore the Dr's bedrest order and go run until I couldn't hardly walk out of the gym to my car.....I prayed asked the lord to forgive me for my rage and anger and decided staying sober able to walk or not was better than living out my life in a cage,so I suited up and went to the gym.I put Slipknot album on "All Hope Is Gone"and I started running,I was actually putting in my fast time ever and would have easily hit 5 miles which is a mile more than usual,1.07 miles in my head phone's started cutting out and I got Pissed off and hit pause on the treadmill.I took out the head phone's and heard a song from a genre I don't even listen to but it got my attention quick.I believe the lord works in mysterious ways and the lyrics of the song changed my entire mood."Rescue me from the demons in my mind"is what I heard is i left the gym to not further injure my leg."Rescue Me By 30secs to mars"It had to be a sign,if you knew the rage I felt you would understand. Im still sober and im ALOT calmer and I give all that credit to the lord above.Stay Strong people no one said it would be easy but it's more than worth it.Focus on your goals,dreams,aspirations, and don't let any damn thing stop you.We all deserve better, but we gotta fight for it with everything we have in both our heart and soul.God Bless each and everyone of you.
    deanokat, Dominica and lonewolves like this.
  2. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Glad you found a bit of release for your emotions, and SUPER happy you stayed sober!!! I’ll send you a private message later, because I have to finish up at work right now, but thank you for being so honest, True!
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  3. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Also, I added that 30 Seconds to Mars song to my music, and I’ll listen to it on my walk home!
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @True concern i'm glad you stayed sober my friend!!! sending you big love today! nurture yourself, smile, know that you're alright and that we care about you! <3
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I love your honesty, @True concern. And I love the fact that you didn't drink even more. Stay strong, my friend. You are inspiring others.
  6. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Most people hate my honesty lol
  7. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I ain't most people. ;)
    lonewolves and True concern like this.
  8. Julzygirl

    Julzygirl Active Contributor

    Man, sometimes it's moment to moment! Those moments are so hard. I have them still especially when someone pisses me off with their actions. I can totally relate with your anger. Takes all I have sometimes not to choke a person out. Have to remind myself that other people's actions are not my responsibility unless someone is physically harming me or my family. Anger was one of the toughest things for me to face. Good job though!
    deanokat likes this.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. One second at a time. Whatever it takes to stay on the right path. :)
    Julzygirl likes this.