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I am addicted to painkillers

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Littlemisssunshine, Mar 28, 2018.

  1. Hi everyone im 29 a d live in uk.
    I have epilepsy in sep 2016 i had seizure fell out bed and dislocated my shoulder i was given 8mg cocodomal never helped got put upto 30mg which helped i then got siatica so got them on repeat i get 4 per day i take about 6 per day when i finish i buy over counter you can only buy 8mg over counter in uk ive just admitted to partner whats going on he standing by me.
    Ive had prescription changed i have to collect 4 per day at chemist.
    Without them i feel drained and empty they make me feel happy and energetic.
    I dont want to take them.
    If i dont get them i get moody migranes.
    It has nearly ruined my relationship.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Littlemisssunshine hi there. thanks for reaching out... i'm sorry you are struggling with this. you are weaning off with the help of a doctor? that's probably the best bet to work with a professional...

    getting off pills can be rough...that detox period you must ride out and down the road, you won't NEED the pills to feel happy and energetic.... think darkest before dawn... the dawn will come, but it will take you enduring through the dark so-to-speak.

    do you have support groups there in the uk? having someone or a few people to support you emotionally at this time can help. here we have 12 step group like Narcotics Anonymous or SMART Recovery... or maybe see a counselor if you can....

    for me, learning as much as i could about addiction and recovery helps me. the more conscious i become, the more inclined i am to choose good things for my life...

    again, i'm sorry it is a struggle right now... you may just have to feel the draining and emptiness for now (it's ok to FEEL) but know that one day you will feel more peace and joy, and the next, more, and so on. it's a progressive thing.

    we all feel drained and empty at times (even those that aren't addicted to something). that's just part of life... so we do what we know to do, and sometimes that means taking a day or two to rest...or maybe go retreat to fill up spiritually...or whatever works for you.

    hope this is making sense.

    here if you need.
  3. I spoke to my doctor who referred me to a charity called laads and ive to see a drugs counsellor on wednesday couldnt be sooner as its a bank holiday here today and monday.
    I have my partner who is supporting me and our dog.
    My doctor has changed my script for now until im starting weaning process i have to go to chemist everyday and get 4 painkillers instead of 28 home with me.
    I guess the wake up call was when i ran out and i was in bed all day with shivers and sweats a migrane i thought my head was going to explode i then knew i was having withdrawl symptoms.
    I guess its my way of coping with stress as my mother in law isnt very nice to me and thats me putting it nicely.
    As i said we have a dog so im doing it for him so we can go long walks together and im back to my old self.
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Littlemisssunshine that's wonderful that you will start counseling! i'm sure that will do you some good! till then, try to be easy on yourself...i pray that your withdrawals will subside quickly and you're feeling better soon.

    thank you for the update!! wishing the best for you!

    here if you need!
  5. Im still on painkillers just now until they can make a plan for weaning me off them in scotland you can only get the 30mg on prescriotion buy can buy the 8mg over counter so i always buy extra today i have taken 10 so far so not good and in craving 2 just now.
    Im booked in for a blood test to check my liver.
    I have epilepsy aswell so i get really tired easily and painkillers make me feel energetic and able to take my dog his long walks as hes only 1 and very energetic and boisterous i also have 2 step kids who come at weekends so i feel in need of them to do things with kids. Im also getting help for a 2nd addiction energy drinks on a good day ill have 2 250/500ml cans on a bad day upto 6 i drank 9 cans on xmas eve and it caused me to have 3 seizures.
    My aunt had a painkiller addiction to tramadol and was on life support and has pernament liver damage so i see the damage painkiller addiction does she had a 5% chance of waking up but she survived and us doing amazing now.
    Ive told my mum and partner they have been amazing supporting me and not judging me.
    My partner knew i was hiding something and we had a massive fight and then i admitted my problem he was really hurt ive been hiding it we said some really hurtful things to each other but i know he just cares ive put him through hell as he found me unconciius last year i attempted suicide i had to be resusitated twice and he stood by me with that aswell.
    Thankyou for your lovely replies nice to have somewhere where i can see people like mhself. Xxx
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Littlemisssunshine thanks for sharing. glad you have a supportive family... you're on the track of recovery, being truthful with yourself and others... that's a great step!

    change takes time... stay motivated and inspired in whatever ways work for you...

    always here to listen! :)
  7. I have been depending on them for 2 years now but it got worse in the last year ive been setting myself goals which ive done well on sunday i woke up at 9am painkillers are like someone has a morning coffee but i managed until 12pm before i took them then yesterday i woke up at 8am and got to 20 last 11 befire i took them. Ive to collect them at chemist everydsy now so im trying my best to hold of as long as i can until i walk down.
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Littlemisssunshine thanks for the update!!! great about setting goals for yourself! good for you!

    you're doing it :)
    True concern likes this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Littlemisssunshine It hurts my heart to hear of your struggle as well brings back memories of a time in my life where i was terribly addicted to Oxycontin and I know from personal experience exactly how you feel,i usually tell people my story so they understand that i truly get the pure agony they feel,but rarely do i see stories so similar to my own.Im going to try my best to explain and hopefully give you something that may help.I married a wonderful woman nearly 18 years ago and I love her more than life itself and i don't make that type of statement lightly.Im going to tell you what i mean in hope's that you never have to get to the same point with your partner.I was addicted to Oxycontin and heroin for many year's,eventually i gave up heroin for the Oxycontin because it was much stronger than heroin.I started injecting Oxycontin daily and a dose so extremely high im truly blessed to have survived,at my worst i was injecting 320 mg's of oxycontin a day at this time i realized i needed to do something before i OD'ed,im a poor man from poor parent's so my options were slime,here in the U.S.they have methadone clinic's for addicts.Before you can be treated you must take a urine test to confirm the addiction then after confirmation you meet with an addiction physician and addiction counselor,during my interview i was told something that shock me to my core.They sat me down and said "Sir we are so sorry your tolerance is so advanced that whether you quite or keep using you probably have about one month to live"As i headed home i decided that if i was to die i would die trying,when i arrived at home i asked my wife into the other room and delivered the most painful message i have ever delivered.I told my wife what was said and then with tears in my eye's and hers i told her to please promise me one thing and she stared into my eye's and I made her promise if i didn't live she would get over the grieving process and re marry to someone who would give her the life i failed to deliver,the life she deserved more than anything and i apologized for letting her down and started the cold turkey detox that was probably going to take my life.I didn't leave the bedroom for 27 day's,i didn't eat,i didn't sleep,i screamed out in extreme agonizing pain,i hallucinated,i cried,i had seizures,i had to be rushed to the hospital 3 different times to be rehydrated and they tried to give me pain meds to stall the detox which i refused.Everytrip to the hospital all i had the strength to say to my wife was remember your promise if i don't make it and she would cry and node yes.On day 28 i took my first steps again and by the grace of God I'm still here,im still married to my guardian angel though we have been separated for 3 years.Neither one of us have been with anyone else and I'm lucky to be able to say we talk and lately we have been seeing each other for actual face to face talks and this wonderful human being is trying to love me again but if she decides to move on i would look her in the face and tell her "remember your promise,make sure you find someone who will give you the thing's i couldn't"That's true pain but i want the absolute best for her,please don't let your situation get to such extremes.I believe in you,you can do this,be there for your partner but most importantly be there for yourself.I hope my story helps God bless you i would love to see an update from you and if you ever need someone to talk to it would be my pleasure and a true honor.Take care of yourself
    Dominica likes this.
  10. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    Deleted it! :) Thanks!
    True concern likes this.