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I am humbled, grateful, and extremely honored.

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by True concern, Jan 10, 2020.

  1. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I have said since I very first started posting"if all my struggles help just one person it's all been worth it"Well the site admin WILL_ contacted me and told me a professor at Reutgers college was asking permission to use a post of mine as curriculum to teach a course on Self Stigma related to addiction.I appreciate the admin for respecting me enough to ask and not just use the sites authority over the information within.As I read the permission request I got very emotional and started crying, it felt like all this suffering did in fact mean something and my nonstop typing was indeed going to serve as a way to educate with the purpose of giving addicts a better chance at breaking free from the chains that bind them(which so many people carry)The next generation of college graduates will better understand what we feel like being trapped by addiction, they will be better prepared to HEAR the addict versus just saying "Go To Rehab"which we all know gets you sober but it doesn't keep you there.The course is for future mental health specialist in the psychiatry field. I feel a strong obligation to get completely sober once again so I can stand by my published work with pride,I'm still trying to find the correct meds from my psychiatrist so damnit I am still constantly going back and fourth and I'm ready to stabilize unfortunately I have to find the correct meds to do so,to end the back and fourth.I never expected nor considered helping addicts by educating their future Dr's to better understand them,I always thought perhaps I may change an addicts path on a personal level but never this.I have not even graduated high school and now a writing of mine will be used as curriculum to educate college interns.I pray it softens their heart's and causes a movement of people who are anti stigma and pro encouragement and self love.I have wrote many many pieces here all honest some great some terrible but it was all done to truly depict the emotional battle addicts live with everyday.I have always shared openly for the reason of putting the battle front and center,I have not always been proud of some things I've wrote but they were always honest and often time's embarrassing but the stigma was not ever gonna dictate to me,I have always said "I will never give up"I was telling myself to remember my true intentions which partially was to say "Your opinion of me won't stop me from one day making you even more irrelevant in my life"That's just how I feel about those who are of the "I'm better than you type"I will always be a good hearted man who does stupid thing's at time's but I am no longer and haven't cared about a stigma in a long time now, so again im glad I will truly be helpful in teaching other's to care more about themselves and less about them.This will potentially bring more addicts to the site as the college is including a link to the site and giving credit to the author.I am going to do some real soul searching brought on by this news as I can't stay like this considering people in college may come here to ask questions, learn of my progress,need help,etc.For the first time in a long time...a really long time I feel a sense of purpose once again.If anyone is curious which post it is right below.

    First this is directed at no one person in particular yet at the same time directed at us all.As addicts we struggle,we fight with ourselves daily to not step back off the ledge, some of us (myself included) fight for sobriety so hard we allow fear to set in,not fear in the traditional sense but fear of the stigma that comes along with saying"I'm an Addict"often times we make progress that becomes so profound in our lives we begin to focus on it and dissect it daily as if under a microscope in a petri dish,this is normal but it in itself can cause psychological issues as in fear,fear of letting ourselves down,fear of letting other's down,fear of starting our sober day's over again(Again this is directed at no one person)I have been there,it was a devastating blow to lose my 10 months of sobriety but if I'm being honest I willingly allowed it to happen by consenting with every script I filled after knee surgery.Its been a long road for me and this month ,actually yesterday was exactly 1 year since knee surgery and I just recently got back in the fight for sobriety.Many of us give prescriptions to much power over us(I am guilty of this)I allowed myself to believe "because it came from a Dr it's ok)The whole time knowing better,the whole time lying to myself about whether or not I was using,this lie to myself took me back down stigma lane for one last visit.We all want to not be stigmatized but at time's we create or allow it to be created and we accept it and lie to ourselves about it.Im on day 5 starting to feel a bit better but I'm not out of the woods yet,I am craving like a mad man and I know what that fix will lead to,so I won't, at least not today.I think at time's we lie to ourselves because we fear being looked at or labeled as inferior!We are not and never have been but we fear the complex or the stigma addiction admittance brings with it.To you all I say stand strong,stand proud and stand true,true to yourselves for no one but yourselves and in that mindset you will find the strength to break the cycle.Addiction is a sickness, they call it a disease but like someone else posted addiction causes disease, addiction in itself is not a disease but it is a psychological problem often containing physical sickness from withdrawal but it passes,it's the only sickness in the world you cure by not taking that medicine anymore,I stand with you as an addict,an addict in recovery,a person who has felt and delt with the inferior complex.Believe in yourselves,be honest to yourselves,and overcome with help from other's who understand what you feel,how you think,know what it's like to be judged or called "less than"You are not "less than" You are "more than" you've fought harder,farther,and longer than those who judge you so embrace your inner strength and find the courage to beat your addiction's. STAY STRONG,STAY VIGILANT,STAY AWARE of what you fear or the complex you despise because it's you that holds the key to change just reach out and turn it so we can all heal together.STAY FOCUSED MY FRIEND'S THERE ARE BETTER DAY'S AHEAD!
  2. cheffy

    cheffy Community Champion

    That, my friend, is so cool! What a great feeling inside your mind that must be. Plus, that's just the kind of fuel the human mind needs for it to be bolstered, sharpened, and then used in order to cut through all the crap we see every day on the news. I'm very happy for you!
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Thank you very much @cheffy I feel arrogant for admitting I'm happy for me to but I am because it's all positive and can help so many,so I'm happy for any life this has a positive impact on...Truly humbled
    cheffy likes this.
  4. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    That is awesome! You have every right to feel good about yourself. This one thing could actually be the catalyst to you finally beating this thing called addiction. I feel like you really needed this. You deserve it. Enjoy it.
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Thank you so much,I just pray it truly makes the difference they think it might,one thing psychiatrist and Dr's in general don't understand about picking a career in helping people is,if your in it for the money you can be good at what you do but if it's money than the compassion and sincerity are lacking and they can never be great at it,however if you do because it what your heart is passionate for without any thought of financial gain...Thats the edge to truly be great and connect with someone struggling,to feel for them as if they were family is very rare but I most certainly do.Im gonna get right,I have purpose once again in my life,something I haven't felt in over 5 year's. I truly believe that God is tired of watching me suffer both with my own and for all the people I have tried to connect with deeply on this site..I think I will find my way now.Take Care
  6. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I totally agree brother and that's awesome news your words will be helping more people than you can imagine. Feel good and proud my friend.
    It's ok to feel pride about something that will better humanity.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Thank you,you know when I had my 10 month sober time I would ask my cousin often "Do you think 1 man can make a difference in humanity for the better"At that time I really was trying to figure out,how do I dust all the bad away and leave a good legacy,something my family could be proud of if I suddenly passed or something, something selfless but important as well as genuine and with others in mind....And I would analyze that question for hours a day trying to see if there was any "REAL"Good in me.I have always had a heart that cared for people differently than most,I just wanted to do something for the forgotten men and women that didn't have a LOT of options because I was picturing helping the poor get better health wise so they could climb up and provide for themselves and their families. I've been trying to figure that out really since I got married.......
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    And let me be very clear,I ain't no saint,I'm not better than anyone else,and I do not think I just saved the world...everything I have ever typed here has been honest and real either about myself or in response to someone else. I speak from the heart and I feel what I type...i don't say anything at any time because I think it's right, I say what I say because it's what my heart feels,there have been several times I have posted completely negative post without worry of anyone's thoughts or opinions because in that moment that's what I felt.
  9. Keileen

    Keileen Member

    Thank you for your post. It is the first thing I have read on this forum, I feel like I've come to the right place.
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Keileen Your very welcome and if you are struggling with addiction you have found a safe,compassionate, understanding, non judgemental place to be....everyone here has vast abuse and mental health experience as we all have fought it personally and only seek to be there for you to help and comfort as best we can.May I ask what your struggling with so we know how to approach the conversation?
    Keileen and Joshstillclean like this.
  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I just found your thread,I am reading it now
  12. Keileen

    Keileen Member

    Thank you. I feel like I'm in the right spot. I am addicted to oxy and percocet. I mix them all the time, and I do the odd xanax as well. I posted under the story thread as well. 60 to 100mg oxy daily and 7 to 12 percocet daily. When I only have percocet and no oxy I start to withdrawal. My addiction owns me. I've never had a rock bottom I call myself a functional addict. I work everyday pay all my Bill's, from the outside I seem fine, on the inside I'm fucked. I should add it's been 17 years on and off more on than not, and I've hidden it for that long.
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2020
  13. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    welcome to the club. but you can beat this. owning it is the first step. im going through yet again another detox, and it was rough. but ive been through worse. slowly start lowering your daily intake...
    have you looked into MAT? your a prime candidate.
    DoxyMom and Keileen like this.
  14. Keileen

    Keileen Member

    I'm not sure what MAT is?
  15. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Medication assessment treatment.

    Basically suboxone which eliminates the withdrawal completely while you take it so you could stop pills in 1 day and carry on with life without ever getting sick,it gives you your life back however once you quit the suboxone or methadone then is when you detox,so basically it stales the detox while you are on it
    Joshstillclean likes this.