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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by lilmomma, Dec 24, 2014.

  1. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I found this resource from a facebook post...I am trying to find support and undrstanding....my husband relapsed abt 2 yrs ago and his relapse caused him to be incarcerated. Since 11/13...we were married a week before he was sentenced...the only person who truly undrstands is my sister who is very sick wth cancer. .my daughter really gives me no support and it breaks my heart. I take care of my granddaughtr and dont want to put a wedge between us but she hurts me so much wth her actions, words and lack of
    monsterific and Joseph like this.
  2. Fern

    Fern Active Contributor

    Sounds very rough. It's hard to be the person everyone depends on to keep it together and not have anyone to lean on for your own support. I don't really have any advice. Just wanted to reach out and say that there are people who will listen and you don't have to be alone.
    Joseph likes this.
  3. Joseph

    Joseph DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks so much for sharing, lilmomma. You'll definitely meet some people here that can identify with your situation, and hopefully will share an idea or two. I truly believe that just reaching out and putting the energy into finding the support that you need is a wonderful thing, and I applaud and thank you for sharing your story with our community. One thing you'll find when reaching out for support is friends that you never would have otherwise met. There are truly amazing and compassionate people out there who want to help people like you and me. Happy Holidays to you!
  4. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi lilmomma and welcome to the forum.

    I have been in your shoes, except my sons' Dad and I were not able to get married because the first night that we were going to start living together he got arrested and served four years. I won't go into any detail about that but you have sought out the right place for support. Support was one thing that I didn't have back then and being 19 I still had a lot to learn about being an adult and a parent. Every one that knew the two of us told me to leave him alone - to let him go - to live my life. It was a scary time for me and I felt alone. But you have your sister and that is great! She can be your cornerstone because she understands how you feel and knows that support is what you need right now.

    As for your daughter she is probably hurting too to the point she may even be angry about how things are. She needs her mother not the woman who married a man who let mother down.

    I apologize if I'm blunt in saying these things to you but as I said I've been in your shoes. It won't get any easier between you and your relationship with your daughter if you don't see things from her standpoint.

    There is a neutral ground you just have to find it.
    Joseph likes this.
  5. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

  6. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    thank you all so much for your care and responses... it truly helps to know that there are people who care...
    I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and all the best for the New Year for all of us and the people we love..
    thank you again ..
  7. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Glad you found this forum, but what seems to be the problem? I didn't see a specific reason you, lilmomma, wished to solve, acquire advice, gain some inspiration, or anything besides your husband convicting himself to jail time - yes, a "convict" means a man who has shown his conviction [faith] that he believe his "person" is responsible and liable to assume a "Legal" role aka defendant, and post hence, agree to the terms and conditions which a State prosecutor has charged him to pay; is this what your concern about, because I did not see you imply you [lilmomma] had a drug problem? If you do want Lawful answers, not Legal answers, I recommend you Google this man for more info: Karl Lentz.

    Hope you have a great day, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Also, welcome to this forum.
  8. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you...no I do not hve a drug problem...I guess I have so many emotions still 1 yr into him being away and I really dont hve too many people or venues to just say what I am feeling from my. Heart..not many of my friends understand and support me snd wht I am feeling...so I looked to a place where I may meet other people who are experiencing my feelings...
    Thank you for the legal suggestion as some of my feelings are anger and frustration as my husband went thru a detox and rehab program bf he was incarcerated and I was able to out together a paroke pkg tht included drug addiction therapy. Psycotherapy job training n a job. But he was denied parole and an appeal only to sit in a halfway house full of drugs and alcohol and no reputable NA meetings. No job training no job prospects unless he wants to walk the streets if NEWARK NJ and work in Burger King! This is the great rehad NJ is giving him???
    Thank you fr responding
  9. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    I understand you completely. It is hard to love someone and to have this person away; it is even harder when it is this person's own fault and that the future looks a bit grim. But it's the hardest thing to do if people begrudge you your love and your faith. When you say you get no support, you probably mean that your family disapproves of your relationship to an alcoholic, right? That they think he deserved it and that you should free yourself of him while you still have the chance? That he's not worth the burden?

    These are attitudes I expect because I'm familiar with them. Sometimes people are right with this. But sometimes, they are wrong, they give up too quick and in general have a limited supply of hope or encouragement. They probably only want the best for you and think you're heading the wrong way. I forgave myself the alcoholism of my partner, let it eat away at some good stuff, and let it get very very bad a few times. I did not speak of it to anybody because I know that, even as it reached a lowest low, I would not give up, and this is the kind of decision that would seem foolish to anybody who knew the particulars. But in the end, I don't feel foolish and I don't feel weak or abused. I feel strong for making my own choices, and we did fix our problems.

    I wish you the same strength and resolution. If you need to talk about it more, this is without a doubt a good place for it.
  10. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sure many of us can relate to your predicament when family members choose to abandon us in our hour of need.I just want to give you moral support and commend you for not neglecting your granddaughter as she is very much innocent although your daughter shows no remorse. I pray that all works out well for you and your sister who has shown compassion despite her condition.
  11. Vook

    Vook Member

    While this may seem a bit harsh, this is where he needs to start. If you are fresh out of prison and have no formal job training or job prospects, you start with that you can get. If that means flipping burgers, you flip burgers. There is nothing wrong with it. It will help him get back on his feet and possibly into a financial situation where he CAN get formal job training. I worked at McDonalds for years, everyone has to start somewhere and there is no shame in it.
  12. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Also he can go back to school. I don't know exactly how that works but it's something to consider. It will also keep him busy.
  13. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Please dont misundrstand he has to be accountable for wht he has done to himself and to me ...my frustration is thay NJ DOC feels it necessary to keep him ina facility surrounded by drugs alcohol and othr illegal things and wants him to walk to streets of Newark where he bought the drugs tht got him in prison...I have attended AA and NA mtgs and one of the best defenses to relapse is to remove yourself from people places and things and thy have not done tht but placed him right in the middle of it...if he left NJ he would have a fresh and safer start but thy wont do tht...thank you for ur comcer
  14. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you..yes sometimes it hurts me tremendously and I do undrstand tht she is concerned and loves me but i dont want to be in the middle of my husband and my daughter and i feel like tht alot...my granddaughtr is my saving grace..my angel on earth thank u very much for your concern..
  15. monsterific

    monsterific Member

    I can't say I can fully understand your situation but my sister is an addict, and in the entire family, I'm the only support remaining. My mom and my younger sister gave-up on her since last year and no longer provide even the slightest emotional support. It is tough as it feels like you're the only one fighting, and you're all alone. I can't blame my family though, they've helped her in the past 15years. It's just frustrating that you no longer have anyone you can turn to for help or support. :(
  16. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I am sry abt ur sistr as well...it is very painful to watch someone u love destroy themselves and u dont knw why and cant stop it....my husbands mom passed away in Oct and she was my only true support ...his brother wont tlk abt him snd doesnt care and his father also passed away in march...so i do knw the feeling of being alone in trying to cope with everything. And no one to turn to...u and ur sister r in my prayers...
  17. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

  18. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I am sry abt ur sister it is so painful to watch someone u love destroy themselves...i knw ur feeling all too well...my husbands parents passed away within 7 months of each other..thy were my rock and support...now i do everything pretty much on my own...my prayers r wth u and ur sister
  19. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I am sry abt ur sister it is so painful to watch someone u love destroy themselves...i knw ur feeling all too well...my husbands parents passed away within 7 months of each other..thy were my rock and support...now i do everything pretty much on my own...my prayers r wth u and ur sister
  20. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I am sry abt ur sister it is so painful to watch someone u love destroy themselves...i knw ur feeling all too well...my husbands parents passed away within 7 months of each other..thy were my rock and support...now i do everything pretty much on my own...my prayers r wth u and ur sister