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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by lilmomma, Dec 24, 2014.

  1. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I am sry abt ur sister it is so painful to watch someone u love destroy themselves...i knw ur feeling all too well...my husbands parents passed away within 7 months of each other..thy were my rock and support...now i do everything pretty much on my own...my prayers r wth u and ur sister
  2. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I am sry abt ur sister it is so painful to watch someone u love destroy themselves...i knw ur feeling all too well...my husbands parents passed away within 7 months of each other..thy were my rock and support...now i do everything pretty much on my own...my prayers r wth u and ur sister
  3. monsterific

    monsterific Member

    Thank you. I'm sure you'll find a lot of people here who can encourage and provide you the emotional support you need in here. It is disheartening whenever our struggles becomes frustrating, but knowing that we're not the only ones who're experiencing this, is comforting on my end. Knowing that others are still holding on, and are not giving up despite the obstacles and the lack of people to pour out their sentiments to or people who can understand their frustrations is encouraging me to continue helping my sister and broaden my understanding and patience for her situation.
  4. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Yes...i guess in some way it makes u stronger but sad bc the people u were always there for dont evn bother to see if your ok..let alone support u in the situation..I undrstand people have their own opinions but whn it u as their friend tht needs help i feel their opinions shouldnt play a part but thy do...had a friend for ovr 35 yrs n she wont evn see if I am ok..but I hve decided in this new year to weed out family n friends who have turned away from me whn i needed thm the most...In the long run i will be less hurt than me just waiting for thm to come around...i have enough pain already.
    I am very glad i found this site..thank you and i wish you and your sister a new year filled me happiness health and support from people who genuinely care
  5. RoseK

    RoseK Active Contributor

    I've "began again" so many times with so many low-income jobs..it felt demeaning to me but, at the same time, provided me with some money and employment so I could build from there again. I've taken many serious blows to my pride but the experiences taught me to be humble and compassionate towards others. Finding a support system is key to nourishing yourself as well as being a support for your husband. It sounds cliche, but it is important to do things for yourself as well. I wish you the best :)
  6. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    It's not the beginning again.. Robert has been incarcerated before and he is a very smart man and creative man... my frustration and anger I guess is that the NJDOCS will keep him in a place where he receives no viable treatment for his addiction.. no job training or career counselling and he is amongst a lot of illegal activity every day and no one (staff or admin) pays attention... The only "job training "he will get is if he is allowed to leave the facility and "find" a job.. that means walking the streets of Newark (where all his trouble started) without any strong support system... if he was allowed to come to me he would have everything he needed, within reason because it is up to him in the end to do the right thing, to rehabilitate himself in a very constructive way.. not piece mealing it where he is ... and staying out of the way of people who would get him into trouble or get himself into trouble... believe me he has done low paying jobs before he is not above that but to keep him or anyone who has so much more to gain by being released is wrong.. isn't the halfway house or even prison supposed to ultimately rebuild a person not tear them down... the mission statements are great.. the saying on the walls are wonderful but they do not practice what thy preach... they want them to "fail" so thy can be recycled back into the prison community... I believe it's called "job security"...if they wanted my husband to succeed and anyone else who had the resources he had they would let him go...

    My other opinion is this... they say he has to stay because they don't think he is ready to leave and will probably relapse... So they will keep him until he maxes out because legally they cant keep him any longer.. so when he is released and he God forbid relapses again.. who do I blame then... NJDOC for not rehabilitating him properly or their misdiagnosis of his addiction...

    it's like when I used to go to a chiropractor for my back.. when I first started I was in such bad shape had to come every week sometimes 2x a week for a number of months.. but when my insurance company wouldn't pay him any longer I walked in for my apt one day and he said I was "fine" didn't need therapy any more... so when I told him I was not fine and why would he think I was and after pressing him about it he told me ... well your insurance company isn't paying me any longer... So I was miraculously cured... same thing with my husband... he can't possibly by rehabilitated outside of the halfway house walls now but when the final day comes that they CANNOT keep him any more he is miraculously rehabilitate and a model citizen now... Really???
  7. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Lilmomma, clearly you have a lot to deal with and I trust that in time you will see the results you deserve. I hope that those posting here can continue to give you the support and encouragement you need at this very difficult time in your life.

    I pray for improved health for your ill sister and further for you to mend the broken pieces with your daughter, providing a fine example for your grand daughter. In the meantime I know your new family here will continue to listen and offer support wherever possible.
    Last edited: May 1, 2015
  8. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you Winterybella... I know sometimes I rant on about this but the more I am exposed to the criminal justice system and it has a very important purpose in all the lives of citizens, it's just so broken in places and until you are on the other side do you really see the imbalance ... my husband didn't hurt anyone but himself and his family...he lost both parents in 7 months while he was in prison and I think and pray that he has turned the corner on a lot of things in his life... but the DOC doesn't see it and they don't want to see the good presented for a man who is trying to achieve a new life, a new family, a new him... thank you very much for your kind words and care.. in the little time I have been on this site it has definitely been amazing the outpour of help and encouragement I have received and thank you and all who have responded and cared so much... much health and happiness to you and those you care about in the new year...
    Winterybella likes this.
  9. Jovi

    Jovi Member

    Wow, that's overwhelmingly a lot to go through. These are hard times for you and we cannot lie that we completely understand. Do pray and hope for the best, and that as your husband serves his time, he will make a turn for the better. Hold on to your hopes and you will see them fulfilled.
  10. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum, @lilmomma . I can see that life has given you a lot to deal with. More so than most other people. My advice is to never give up and push through against all odds. We can only make things better if we believe we have control of the situation. Everything will work out in the end, don't worry. It just takes time and patience. The balance shall be restored. You deserve it.
  11. ocurtis25

    ocurtis25 Member

    Hi! My name is Orlando its my first time on this forum, but I feel this
    is a great forum. I was big marijuana head, and I started smoking
    grass when I was little kid because I seen other people do that or that's
    what I thought it was. When I finally seen the real thing I started smoking, and
    I felt like I was on cloud 9 finally I felt I was wasting my life so I gave it up.
    I feel like it was the best thing in my life.
  12. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Your situation is by far one of the most challenging. The people who should have been there for you are not giving enough care and, even as an onlooker, I know all to well how hurtful that is. This is a silly piece of advice but I do hope you will try to look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say out loud "Everything's gonna be okay." Repeat it constantly while trying to calm your heart. Immerse yourself in an activity that you love. Hopefully, this will gradually reduce the pain. You should also spend more time with your sister. She's going through a rough time so she may require your presence. By caring for her, you may realize a way out of your predicament.
  13. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you for taking the time to post.... I know that I am not supposed to give up .. I am a 1993 and 2001 WTC survivor.... almost lost my unborn baby in the first bombing and had two 10 hour back surgeries from the second so I tried so hard all these years to stay strong and I did but I have no strength left... I am honest.. I am broken and cant find my way anyway... I used to turn to my faith which was everything to me and now that's gone too... I try everyday to look at it as a new day but only new problem come ... thank you I guess one way or another it will end..
    imperivm1 likes this.
  14. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you... yes it was very hurtful but I am getting past that now ... I will try to do as you suggest ... I do try and keep busy but I have a few health issues that limit me as well but I am trying ... thank you..
  15. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I am very happy for you.... there I no life in any addiction... God Bless you and stay strong and focused...
  16. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you for your supportive and encouraging words...I am am trying to hold on even if only by my fingertips now..
    thank you..
  17. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum! I hope you enjoy your time here and you find what you are looking for.
  18. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    It's hard to keep faith during crisis, but without it, I would have been completely lost.

    I was so broken that I could barely function, and I'm not talking about the drugs. I'm talking about feeling like I couldn't stand another second of emotional pain. It was all I could do to drag myself out of bed and force myself to "sleepwalk" through another day.

    When I stopped being mad at God and let Him back in, things got better. It didn't instantly fix everything and make life grand, but it did give me the will to go on. Have you tried talking to anyone about your crisis of faith?

    I wish you all the best. I hate to see anyone hurting so much. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
  19. IrishHeather

    IrishHeather Active Contributor

    I know this is an older post line, but as the wife of a correctional officer I see this happen a lot to spouses that have a loved one incarcerated. I work a lot with the prison family advocate and I can understand what you are going through. I also had my father go to prison when I was teen and I know how it feels to have family seem like they turn their back on you. Just know that you are not alone and that we care and understand. Please chime in from time to time and let us know how you are doing. :)
  20. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you.... its very kind of you to reach out.... being on this side of the fence and feeling so alone and even though you talk to your friends or family, to me at least, you can almost see the disinterest in their eyes...I have never had anyone in jail and to have my husband whom people in the first place ask all the time "what were you thinking getting married a week before he went away" just reinforces their true feelings about it... thank you again...