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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by lilmomma, Dec 24, 2014.

  1. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you... I appreciate the welcome and support..
  2. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you... I fee terrible inside, almost empty, but I try and will continue to try to renew my faith in God and in life in general ... the issue with my husband has totally consumed me and I have to find an outlet... thank you for responding and your concern.
  3. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I am happy to hear from you again but deeply saddened that your challenges continue. I told someone here earlier that I wish I had a magical solution for their problem as I wish I had for you. I am constantly praying for more faith and truth be told I often still feel very lacking in that area. Still I continue to hold on to what little I can muster from time to time and press on. I read of your life and my problems seem insignificant.

    Do not give up Lilmomma. "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have all kept on TRYING when there seemed to be no more hope." Keep trying Lil, and know we are here to do whatever we can to help you along this difficult road.
    Last edited: May 1, 2015
  4. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you so much.... you are very kind... I always feel that anyone who hurts no matter how small they make think it is in comparison to others is not the right way to think.. anyone who hurts for whatever problems they maybe going through is just as important so thank you but I hope your problems lessen as well..

    I guess as you say the challenges continue... about three weeks ago my husband took a mandatory drug urine test and through faulty inaccurate procedures and quite frankly blatantly purposefully by the facility he was arrested as using a controlled substance and sent back to state prison... upon his arrival he was immediately tested and questioned about the events leading up to his arrest and how the facility did illegal procedures to come up with a "dirty urine" .. in the end he was cleared and processed as Not Guilty.... the only problem is he refused, which I wholeheartedly supported, going back because for some reason they had it in for him from the minute he arrived... myself too was harassed several times over a state ID that I had been using for well over a year to visit him in the state prisons and other stupid petty things like holding his pinky while others were practically sitting in each others laps, "residents" leaving the room totally while my husband wasn't even allowed to stand in the hallway while I bought tickets to take pictures.. believe me I can go on and on with the discrimination he and I endured..

    So in refusing to go back the facility now he is back in State Prison and I have not really heard from him in over three weeks.. I have written him every day, put money in his commissary account, put money on the phone account so he can call and let me know if he his ok there.. I am sick with worry and I can't communicate with him still... I am about to mail another letter today in the hope that he got at least one of the letters I have written to him in the last three weeks

    Also my granddaughter is facing speech, learning and age development issues . She is 2 1/2 years old ... all the reports have not come back yet but she may be on the autistic spectrum and whatever broken heart I have left is now completely shattered..

    I thank you and all who have take the time to sincerely want to give me your support... I cannot begin to tell you how much it means to me at this time... Take care and be well....
  5. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Lilmomma, "this too shall pass" and there has to be some bigger plan in place for you and your loved ones so that you can enjoy some measure of happiness. I have to tell myself this every time I feel like it's too much for me to handle. Still, when I read of your trials, I feel like I simply should not complain. My earnest pray is that you will experience justice sooner rather than later.

    All the best to your grand daughter and my hope is that she will be fine. Find whatever strength you can and continue to fight the "good" fight.
  6. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    You are amazing kind and comforting... thank you so much... I have to fight or quit... there are times I want to believe me that then I know how much I love both my husband and my granddaughter so while I falter at times, I can't quit!
    God Bless you and be with you in your struggles as well Have a great weekend...
  7. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    No problem. If you need anything, just message anyone here.
  8. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Well, at least you still have your granddaughter for support, right? I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this, but don't worry, we here in the forum will be always ready to listen to your rants and vents. I also don't see my family as "family" and I have accepted it long ago. It hurts that your relatives don't have your best interest at heart or when they don't support you, but there are lots of people in the world that can help you, you just have to reach out.
  9. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Thank you Lilmomma. Your story has caused me to pause if only for a moment and put my own situation into perspective. As stressed out as I have been, I still have much to grateful for. Life in and of itself is a gift.

    Lil, I am here to tell you that quitting is not an option. I lost my sister several years ago to lupus. During very difficult and painful times I would read for her a poem we all loved. I would read it over and over and over again. It encouraged us both. It was simply called " The Race". I want to share at least the end of that poem which speaks to a young boy in a race falling several times and getting up to finish the race: the struggles we all face at one time or the other and how we recover. The poem ends like this:

    " And now when things seem dark and bleak and difficult to face
    The memory of that little boy helps me in my own race
    For all of life is like that race with ups and downs and all
    And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall
    And when depression and despair shout loudly in my face
    Another voice within me says, "Get up and and win that race!"

    You have an audience here in the forum cheering you on. "Get up and win that race!" Much love my friend and do enjoy your weekend.
  10. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    thank you .... yes my granddaughter is my angel on earth... she was given to Me for a reason and I felt that even before she was born... The bond we share is like no other and while my heart slowly bleeds because she has many speech, and age development issues where she might be on the autistic spectrum and will be facing speech, physical and occupational therapies very soon she is truly, truly my angel that keeps me going.... thank you...
  11. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    I am very sorry for the loss of your sister... a Sister is like no other friend... she is your best friend a mirror reflection of each other's hearts and I am so sorry you have lost that image... The poem is wonderful and I will try my best to read it every day to find strength and courage to go forward with confidence ... I find myself not being the person I once was... I was always the first one to stand up, roll up my sleeves and dive in to get things fixed, help others with their problems, be the one to "make it better"... Over the last almost two years I have lost the fire inside of me... I finally found my soulmate after a failed marriage and an even worsea failed 4 year relationship... I thought now it was my turn to be happy, to plan, to dream but I didn't have the opportunity for too long... I don't regret anything especially marrying Robert but this pain I feel right now in my heart over him is so unbearable at times...I only hope that things will be the way they should be when he comes home....

    I had a nice weekend spent the evening with my sister on Saturday and took my daughter and granddaughter for a little shopping and lunch ..hope you did as well..... as always, thank you..
  12. lgdg090596

    lgdg090596 Senior Contributor

    Welcome and thanks for sharing. May things work out soon. :)
  13. lilmomma

    lilmomma Member

    Thank you very much....all of you have been so very kind... thank you...
  14. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    If that's the case, then I'm sorry to hear that. I guess her mom has no time to sympathize with your plight because her kid is having some issues too so she's consumed with thinking about it? How old is your grand kid by the way?At first I thought that she was old enough to understand your problem, but I guess I was wrong.
  15. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Thank you for your kind words and you are right, sisters are special and she was without a doubt. We had a special bond. I am delighted you had a great weekend. That made me smile. I look forward to hearing of many more great weekends.