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I am part of the cycle... I can't do this any more!

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by JaxGA, Jan 21, 2018.

  1. JaxGA

    JaxGA Member

    My husband and I are newly weds in our 40s. Everything was wonderful at first. A year into our marriage his father died which world winded him into a deep depression. He was a borderline alcoholic before our marriage I believe, and even more so since his father died. After a year of crazy, dramatic blow ups throwing me and my son out of the house, punching vehicles as we were fleeing, I moved out. His family made it seem like I was the crazy person, and drove him to drinking. Now I realize they are a bunch of narcissistic people, truly and sadly. I gave my husband an ultimatum quit drinking or divorce. Another year has gone by, he will be the most amazing husband I always wanted and then SNAP, he's a drunken emptiness that only says cynical remarks and runs me off.

    Well another violent episode occurred again. I love my husband that I envision in my head. But this man is scary and empty and unreachable. I barely escape with a few bruises and broken fingernails, and a deeply broken heart. And of course the next morning endless apologetic phone calls. Repeating the same promises and never fulfilling them and then using phrases like, I only get like that when I drink liquor, I need to stick to beer. I swear I won't drink, I am sorry... I hate those words now. He said he knows he's an alcoholic and he quit before and will quit again. But he if does its only for a week or two at a time. He has every excuse why he can't seek help.

    I am realizing I am better to cut my losses and walk away. It's not at all what I want but I see no other way to end this horrible vicious life robbing cycle.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @JaxGA hello and welcome. thanks for sharing. i am sorry you are going through this. i imagine it is heartbreaking and i imagine your are EXHAUSTED....

    challenging as it may be, what you want and need in a relationship matter, and sounds like this is not even close to what you desire. alcoholism is a beast, and i pass no judgment on alcoholics... they are beautiful souls underneath it...for sure.... but at the same time, we don't have to stay in toxic relationships where the person is not actively doing all he or she can to RECOVER.....

    i hope one day he will... until then, you take care of you. gather a support network for YOU ... as you navigate your own emotional recovery. my hope for you is peace...and joy... with or without him.

    sending hug
    deanokat likes this.