I joined the Marines when I was young, I started out as an infantryman. To make a long story short I was selected to become an 0317 then furthered my career to an even more specialized combat group. I spent much of my 10 year enlistment deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan. Several years ago on my last deployment I was badly injured and discharged early from active duty. I have been in pain management and physical therapy both through the VA and private practices since I was released. I was initially prescribed 10mg hydrocodone 3 times daily along with 10mg valium twice daily. Up until this point I had never taken pain pills in my life. At first the pills worked good but as time went on the pills worked less and less, I began taking 4 a day then 5 and at times even 6. It got to the point where I was taking them more for a high and as they say I began chasing the dragon. On top of all this I have an extremely difficult time focusing in school, I began taking Adderall (not prescribed) regularly on top of the hydrocodone and valium. When I would run out of pain killers due to my overuse, I would steal my mothers Oxycontin, she is a cancer survivor and often has a large amount of painkillers on hand. She has also suffered with pain killer addictions since the 90s and knows the struggle. I would make up excuses to see her and drive an hour and a half just so I could grab a few pills to get that small pain relief and high. Stealing pain medication from her made me feel horrible, but I couldn't stop doing it. This is when I realized I have a problem and it needs to end now! After years of taking these medications I know I have a dependency that will be hard to break, but I’m ready to call it quits. I am fed up with being a slave to a pill. No one knows I have this problem, until now I have never even mentioned it to anyone and do not feel comfortable yet bringing it up with friends or family because I am worried they will judge me. I have been able to hide it from my wife, family, friends and employer. I have learned how to cover up the effects of the pain killers while I am at work, and no one has ever suspect I have this issue. I was told I am the model employee by my superior and have even been put up for another promotion once I graduate with my bachelors. Where I work has a strict no drug policy, but only test someone if there is an incident. If my employer were to find out about my problem I would be fired instantly without question, there is even a possibility I would be criminally charged, and publicly humiliated. This is one reason why I do not want to enter any kind of treatment or tell my employer. I am a strong willed and hard headed person, I know it will be painfully difficult but I’m positive I can quit on my own. I’m just concerned if I quit cold turkey it could cause my body to react badly and I could end up in a life threatening situation. If I consulted a physician for advice would it be confidential? I am going to quit but I need advice on how I can without outing myself as being drug dependent or injuring myself from the withdraw symptoms. I need help, who do I talk to? Should I tell my family? What do I do????