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I believe this is my rock bottom

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Looking4betterdays, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    I think I needed her more. And I believe my fall into crying from the morning til night was too much for her to bare.. I will apologize to her when I get a little better. She needs to know I am hard on them because I was left to raise her without my mom. My mother died when she was 4 months. And it was only then I realized that this world doesn't give you hugs and kisses. But I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. Her dad and I grew from children to adults. But I love her dearly.
    Josh111187 and True concern like this.
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Give her time and you open up about your husband and perhaps she will jump in and participate.Heal the divide through a topic hard to address but your both worth the healing that will come from it
    Looking4betterdays likes this.
  3. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    I'm sorry. He shouldn't habe said that even if he thought it. How were you supposed to look in the mirror and feel loved. But that was an addict speaking to you. Love him anyway. And when that day comes that he leaves this earth FORGIVE HIM ..i learned people can only love you as.much as.they know how. He didn't know. So you can live a good life ..forgive him ❤
    deanokat, Josh111187 and True concern like this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    And believe she loves you equally.
    Looking4betterdays likes this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I have forgiven him long ago and he almost died 2 years ago from a heart attack and through all his cussing me i still forcefully took him to the E.R.where he was having open heart surgery23 minutes after we got there.Had god not given me the strength to love unconditional my dad would have already been gone because man did he call me everything in the book as i drove like i was in a race car because he would try to get out at red light's so i watched far ahead of traffic and ran every red light on the way doing over 90 mph on side street's.But he is alive because of it
    deanokat and Looking4betterdays like this.
  6. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    She knew her dad used. He even secretly smoked weed w her. They were like best friends. And then if they argued then they would tell on each other. She is full of guilt. Which I try to get out of her. Last time they were together. She kicked him out of her car..he took his bottle and smashed her back window. And she pepper sprayed him and said you're nothing but a druggie and a dog and will die in the street as one. And when he died on that sidewalk she said I made that happen. I told her she's not God. As hard as it is for me. He's God's child. His purpose was served and he called him home. It would have happened either way. She doesn't hold the power of life and death.
    Josh111187 likes this.
  7. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    I'm proud of you. That was honorable. Find out his story. Let's see what made him that way. Someone hurt him. We are not born w that anger. Something happened to him
  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Wait he died on the side walk after that incident?
  9. Jai50

    Jai50 Senior Contributor


    Wow, sorry about ur husband your best friend. That's tough. Benzos are a bad due. Hard to detox. I had sizeures detoxing off them. Like alcohol detoxing off them could be life threatening. It can be done ask your psych how you can go abt detoxing off of them. Xnx detox 7 to 14 days. I believe you can go into treatment or a psych facility for abt 4 days so they can monitor you. Look for a support group in your area on how to deal with your loss and other issues. I also have been thru some bad **** in the past. I only started reaching out on line these past few weeks and it has helped me a lot. Specially thru my gray days. Gray days are days that get so bad for me I want to use. I used heroin and pain pills benzos ext. for years before any new. Don't do this alone. Stay in touch.
  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    He was beat by several men growing up as his mom went through men like she did booze,then at 13 she put him on the streets alone and he has worked everyday of his life since and still does even with oxygen slapped to his face everyday. 7 day's a week 365 day's a year he never takes day's off or vacations....ever.He had about 300000 dollar's in tools he was leaving for me so after him and my mom pass i could sell them and take care of my older brother who has a learning disability and my 7 year old sister my parent's adopted so the plan was to sell them when he passed so i could buy us a house to take care of them but about4 month's ago someone broke into his business and stole everything so now we are stuck and as of this moment once they pass i will have no way to take care of them so i have lot's of stress
    Looking4betterdays likes this.
  11. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    Yep. She told him that on Christmas. And pepper sprayed him.and his lungs were so bad. They didn't speak again she went back to school. I asked him how long would this argument last. And he said I love that girl w everything in me. But I'm tired of her wishing death on me. She has to apologize to me. And she said I'm hurt mom and maybe on his bday I'll come home and surprise him. He didn't make it. He died one week before his 40th bday
  12. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    OH my.. so even when I'm in detox I can still seize???
  13. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    See I knew it had to be something. His.mom failed him. I'm glad you are there even through the hurtful words.
    Josh111187 and True concern like this.
  14. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    So much to deal with. And now you're really doing this sober. I commend u. And your little sister you will be at her graduations and you will walk her down the aisle.. you are a.true CHAMP in my eyes
    Josh111187 likes this.
  15. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    They both didn't even tell me they had such a big fight like that. He just came home and was very sad. But he didn't tell me.That was his first born.she was forgiven from that night.
    True concern likes this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Damn sorry to hear that although im glad it didn't happen the day she kicked him out of the car thats what i thought and that thought was sad
    Looking4betterdays likes this.
  17. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    No. Not the same night.But she is filled w guilt.
  18. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Ya me too.As my dad would say "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me"not entirely true but you get what im saying
    Dominica and Looking4betterdays like this.
  19. Jai50

    Jai50 Senior Contributor

    I had sizeures and know of a few others that have had seizures detoxing off benzos. I also still have the shakes some days and i been off them for over 2 yrs now. I was perscribed xnx for over 20 yrs. So yes you should go in patient for how long you been on them. At least get medical advice.
  20. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I understand that and wish i could give her a hug and somehow ease her pain
    Dominica and Looking4betterdays like this.