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I can’t believe this is my life.

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Joreis, Aug 3, 2018.

  1. Joreis

    Joreis Member

    Hey, everyone. I am in a really dark place right now & I can’t turn to any family or friends. My entire life, I’ve been surrounded by addicts. My grandfather was an alcoholic, my grandmother was addicted to pills. I grew up, married a stable man & we occasionally smoked pot. This went on for about 13 years. No problems holding down a steady job, no problem with alcohol or drugs.

    October 2016 rolls around and I decide I’m leaving my husband of 13 years. There were a lot of reasons...the main being that we just grew apart.

    I created an account on Tinder & met a wonderful man (who I am now married to). He was an alcoholic (he’s been sober 14 months & 10 days). Let me clarify, sober from alcohol.

    We began messing around with various pills (OxyContin being the primary problem). We discovered that we could inject them & its all been downhill from there. This is an expensive habit that is taking a huge toll on mylife.

    I can’t tell anyone about this. I have no family or friends to talk to. We are spending upwards of $700 a month on this habit. And now I’ve discovered ecstasy which is sooooo affordable.

    I’ve taken ecstasy every day for the last 5 days & mixing it with Oxy.

    I want help. I need help. I want to stop. I’m so depressed. So lost & angry.

    I have to wear long sleeves to hide the marks. I never knew I could live with this much shame.
  2. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Below I shared my story of what oxycontin has in store for you and mixing it now with ecstasy. Your both going to need an inpatient rehab or you could die trying to cold turkey detox.What I recommend is both of you see an addiction specialist and the reality is your both going to probably need Suboxone and therapy.Two addicts together, married or not is tough to come back from.I will pray for you both and I wish there was an easy fix but there isn't

    This is my story of addiction.I was born in the early 80's at the age of six year's old i was diagnosed with that time there was a new F.D.A.approved drug by the name of Ritalin.At first it seemed to be a miracle pill,I was on this pill until the age of 18 at that time i decided i was no longer going to take this pill and it began just under a year passed and someone said "Have you ever tried crystal"which i had not at that time but i tried it and instantly noticed that it was 100% the same effect i got from Ritalin only difference was it lasted longer,or seemed to but honestly it was probably the quantity i was doing was greater than that of Ritalin i struggled with meth on and off for roughly 20 year's,not only meth but i was as well consuming 750ml of Jack Daniel's a day plus a 12 pack of beer.For those who don't know when you mix the two you don't appear to get drunk which is very deadly because infact you do get drunk however you don't realise it until it's too late meaning alcohol poisoning.I experienced this a few times and actually died on a hospital bed due to this fact,it took 3 hits with a defibrillator to restart my heart and i was told the only reason I was hit 3 times was because i was only 19 year's old,but usually after the second time if your heart doesn't restart you are then pronounced dead,but a nurse pleaded with the try one more time and he did and my heart started back up.I didn't know at the time but that nurse was actually the mother of the lead singer of Sublime who just lost her son to a heroin overdose.I am forever grateful for that nurse without her plea i would be another statistic.Unfortunately I didn't quite using drug's at that time i just traded substances.I started abusing pain pills heavily and increased that addiction to catastrophic proportions,it got so bad i started injecting heroin which i quickly traded for oxycontin because it was much stronger than heroin.I abused fentanyl as well but nothing compared to the oxycontin.At my worst i was injecting 240-320mg's of oxycontin a day,feeling i wouldn't survive another month i decided to seek help.I'm poor and i come from poor parent's so my options were limited,i ended up at a methadone clinic for help slowly decreasing my extremely high tolerance.At the clinic i had an interview with a drug addiction counselor and an addiction physician,i was hoping for good news but what i heard shock me to my core.I was told by both the same thing,"Sir we are sorry to tell you but your addiction and tolerance is beyond the point of return,whether you quit or continue either way you cannot survive you have if your lucky a month to live"My heart sank and i decided at that moment if i was going to die i would die trying.I went home and prayed and then i called my wife into the room to tell her the news.At that moment i apologized to her told her how much she meant to me and made her promise if i didn't make it she would move on re marry and live a happy life and she noded yes.After that i quite cold turkey and suffered pain and sickness i cannot describe,for 27 straight day's i did not leave the bedroom,i did not eat,i did not sleep,i hallucinated,i screamed in intense unimaginable pain,i lost over 50 pound's in that time frame and had to be rushed to the hospital 3 time's where they would rehydrate me and try to give me pain shots to stall the detox which i refused.On day 28 I took my first steps after i quite and by the grace of God i survived and this May im married 18 year's to my beautiful wife and guardian angel.This is the first time I've shared my story of addiction and i did it for one reason alone,i want everyone to know i understand what you are going through and no matter how bad it gets there is hope.I'm here for each and everyone of you,if you ever need someone to talk to,if you ever feel no one understands im all ears and i do understand.Stay Strong We're rooting for you
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Joreis hey there. thanks for reaching out. glad you want to overcome this addiction. reaching out for help here is a great first step!

    are you willing to get some face-to-face help to stop? maybe see an addiction specialist? attend a detox center? inpatient or outpatient treatment? support group meetings like NA? there are various things you can do to move toward full recovery!! do some research and come up with an initial plan... what works for one might not work for another, so it's kind of seeing what might work for you! do things each day that will foster recovery... read about overcoming addiction, watch youtube videos that will inspire and help too.... keep recovery fresh on your mind!!!

    and know we are here for you 100%. we believe in you!!!
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Joreis... Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing us. I'm so happy you found us and posted here. @True concern and @Dominica have given you some excellent advice and insight. Listen to what they've told you.

    You've taken the hardest step already: Admitting that you have a problem and that you need help. That's huge, so congratulations on doing that. I'm super proud of you!

    We are here to help, support, encourage, and listen to you. Please reach out and lean on us anytime you need to.

    Sending you lots of love and hope.