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I can't change myself for good, help!

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by 003, Mar 22, 2015.

  1. 003

    003 Community Champion

    There are a lot of times I would commit myself into permanently changing it, but they don't last forever. They instead only last for a short time, weeks and months, but not in long term. I'm starting to lose hope, and it just gets so depressing. Any ideas? I don't also know to whom I can turn and ask for advice. I really want to strip away the bad me, but I'm just as always to weak to go for it for lifetime term.
    stariie likes this.
  2. medievalmama

    medievalmama Community Listener Community Listener

    I'm not sure exactly what it is you want to change. For me, I can't think in terms of "I will never do this again." We are human, and we will make mistakes. Changes take time to make it into a habit. You can re-phrase "strip away the bad me." Look in terms of what can you improve. Get support. And find things you enjoy. You can PM me if you need to talk.
    stariie likes this.
  3. I try each and every week to overcome my addiction and change my life for the better. I don't think that quitting anything cold turkey is an effective strategy. I am not sure what you are trying to overcome, but it is easier for me to set small short term goals that I can easily achieve. I have found that large long term goals seem so far out of reach that I often just tell myself that I can start over tomorrow.
    stariie and MrsJones like this.
  4. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    jumpergrrl1979 has a very good point. The road of sobriety is one day at a time for the rest of your life. Your approach to try and see further down the road may cause you to stumble or stumble and fall. Smaller goals are easier to achieve and makes you feel good too.
    stariie likes this.
  5. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    It's best just to try to do things one day at a time, because that's all any of us has anyway. Try to do things, "just for today." I even like trying to do things for the next 30 minutes, or for the next hour.

    It is hard to quit a bad habit, we don't want it to be hard, we want it to be easy, and we think that other people have it easier than we do. Maybe they do, maybe they don't, but that is their journey.

    For some of us, quitting a bad habit is hard work, and we have to work at it everyday. Every. Single. Day.
    Zyni likes this.
  6. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I likewise don't understand what it is you are trying to change about yourself. Still. regardless of what you intend to change for the better, I hope against hope that you will try to have more faith in yourself. Although I agree to an extent that there's no such thing as "permanent" in this world, I think it's more than possible to be the "good you" for the rest of your life. The only one who's stopping you from becoming this version is your self.
  7. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    If you are really determined and dead serious to change yourself for the better, you have to mentally and physically prepare yourself for it. It's not just an easy thing to do. It requires effort and strong will. Always keep yourself motivated to achieve that goal.
  8. I do not struggle with an addiction, but my parents did. It affected me greatly and it still does, 26 years later. If you are a parent, please think of your children, if you are not, then please think of yourself.
    I don't know exactly what it is that you want to change, but if you want it bad enough the only person that can make the change happen is you. Remind yourself everyday that it may be hard, but with each passing day it will only get easier.
    Once you break free and make the change that you want, you will finally be happy and be able to enjoy life.
    The only advice I can give that may benefit you is to talk to a professional counselor. I see a counselor for depression, and it really does help. You could also start a journal to keep track of how you are doing and write how you feel to de-stress.
    I hope you make the changes that you seek and that you live happily.
  9. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think you need to work on your determination and will power in order for you to make an improvement in your life. If you are weak willed and you lack discipline, nothing will happen. Just motivate yourself and don't give in to temptations when it comes. Be firm and have a strong resolve.
  10. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    You are never too weak to change yourself, the very good thing in life is that you can change! You're not stuck in one place all your life. I've had the same problem back a time before I couldn't change for good, I keep getting back to the same bad habits and it was driving me instance. The good news is that you can actually change for good you just have to work on your willpower, you have to believe in yourself, raise your self-esteem and follow your goals, that's all you have to do, and to be honest with you it's not always easy, but after that you will live happily, motivate yourself by all the good things you will have after your change, what aspects of your life will change? ask yourself this and take steps to change your entire life, but this time not for a week or a month or even a year, but for good, let that change stay with you.
  11. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Change is always possible but the secret is to make several smaller changes, one at a time. Otherwise, it's just too much to deal with and becomes overwhelming. Try and detemine the reasons why you got addicted in the first place - once you have developed new ways to deal with this, you'll be able to quit for good.
  12. Thestoryteller1

    Thestoryteller1 Active Contributor

    Hmm...change is hard, but it's possible. The thing is, it usually works on the snowball principal. Either a lot is changing at once, or not at all.
    Here are my suggestions:
    1. Find your right motivation. Changing bad habits because they are bad might sound reasonable, but it's not enough to motivate you. For example when I wanted to lose weight, wanting to be fit wasn't enough to actually make permanent change, because being somewhat unfit didn't get in the way of my job or having a great boyfriend. But then I started going to dance and I wanted to improve, and suddenly, I was regularly exercising 6 days a week and being happy about it. Find the proper why for each change you want to make
    2. "Support" the change- you know, let one change influence another. You started exercising- find some friends that exercise too, get nice sports gear, improve your eating and so on...Involve any change you make actively in your life, connect it to the rest of your life in more than one way. Listen to motivational speeches and videos as often as you can. Change is hard and daily reminders are welcome:)
    3. That's about it. Just be specific in what you want to achieve and break it down into small realistic goals. Change doesn't happen over night, and if it does, it usually doesn't last long.
  13. Continue to fight and never give up. No matter how hard it seems,your fight will help you to overcome this addiction:)
    stariie likes this.
  14. kana_marie

    kana_marie Community Champion

    • you have to stay focused and you can never let yourself believe it'll only be this once. The only way your going to do it is hard work, it I believe you're strong enough that you'll be fine
  15. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    I think perhaps your first focus should be on not saying, "the bad me." Loving yourself and forgiving yourself when you slip are very important for success. No one is perfect, so you can't expect yourself to be perfect either.

    It's all a process. It's why the the recovery groups and programs stress "one day at a time." Do the best you can do... today. Some days are harder than others though, and you might even need to take it hour by hour.

    It also helps to concentrate on the good things instead of the bad. Everyone has their bad moments, but that doesn't mean you are a bad person. You're a person who's trying to do better, just like the rest of us. We all have room for improvement.
    stariie and kana_marie like this.
  16. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    I've heard it said that the first thing you ought to do before you can actually change is to change your thought patterns. Disrupt negative thought patterns if you must and create new thought patterns. That would mean if you want to stop doing something then it would be easier to replace one bad habit with something different. Acquire a new hobby or something.

    Or you could try meditating. It does help.
  17. ellelady

    ellelady Member

    Getting over an addiction and cleaning yourself up for good is something that takes time, trial & error, and patience. The next time that you begin trying to change try setting goals and motivating yourself. Try writing down on a piece of paper why you need to change and how it will benefit you, also write down how it will harm you if you don't. After doing this place the piece of paper somewhere that is in plain sight, where you will see it every day, this will help motivate you when you are down.
  18. wahmed

    wahmed Active Contributor

    I used to do that, especially with my studies and generally my life because I always had my parents backing me up and catching me. Now I'm a mom I have to step up to the plate and I have all the motivation I need to get things done.
  19. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    Find something to look forward to. Make a goal that you have to accomplish everyday, doesn't matter what it is.
    You're going to find peace and positivity only if you give yourself time to heal. Don't be too hard on yourself, things take time to settle in.
  20. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    There's no way you can completely strip off the "bad you". The best you could hope for is to repress it to some extent. So don't get discouraged if things aren't always working out for you. Persevere and you'll prosper. The bad you will always turn up every now and again but you would be able to curb him if things start getting out of hand. It just takes time and some experience, too.