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I can't stop..

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Laughwithme, May 5, 2018.

  1. Laughwithme

    Laughwithme Member

    I stop for maybe a month or 2 and then my head gets too much and I can't take it..it's the cheapest option..but I literally almost puke just thinking about taking a shot .it doesn't stop me .my body is literally fighting it for me and I'm ignoring it because my thoughts are too much...I want to stop, need to stop. I don't ask for help, I don't tell anyone..it's killing me .
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Laughwithme hey there. thanks for reaching out. are you able to maybe go visit a therapist or addiction specialist? let someone help you through this? some people get a lot out of support groups too, like AA or NA. some attend rehab... do whatever it takes to start making changes for a better life free from addiction.

    addiction happens, and it's nothing to be ashamed about... if you're struggling, it's ok to let people know that you can trust or that can help you. really, it's ok to reach out for help....
  3. Laughwithme

    Laughwithme Member

    @Dominica I've been to a hospital twice for being suicidal and alcoholism..which is why I'm starting to seriously feel like there's no hope anymore. It runs in my family and I've dealt with it through my dad since I was little..I have an amazing and supportive boyfriend, but I had to cut out the negative people so I don't really have close friends anymore to talk to and I can't put it all on him.
    Last edited: May 5, 2018
  4. Laughwithme

    Laughwithme Member

    Thank you for replying, it means a lot.
  5. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    Hey there
    Our addiction makes us feel alone and hopeless. But this is where the beauty of AA comes in. You walk into a meeting and your surrounded by people going through the exact same thing you are, people who share the same thoughts as you. You are NOT alone but it can feel that way outside of AA when you’re around people who don’t “get it” or aren’t like us. I’ve been sober for a while but I still sometimes feel like a fish out of water on the outside. When I walk into a meeting I can breath again, I’m with my people, I’m not alone, I’m home. AA saved my life, (like no doubt I’d be dead today) and it could save yours too if you’re ready to be honest open and willing. I live in a city of 100 thousand and there are 150 meetings a week here. So wherever you are are sure there are lots of great meetings. Keep in touch my friend.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Laughwithme hey there. it's true AA (or NA) does help people in a variety of ways. your task is to keep trying to discover YOUR path to recovery. each person will resonate with different things.... therapy, rehab, book reading, support groups, church, temple, etc. there's various ways...

    how are you doing today?
  7. Laughwithme

    Laughwithme Member

    @Dominica @CMMW thank you .I currently don't have a car, but will soon, I know of some AA meetings, bit I never thought it helped because I'm a shy pos. I'll definitely give it a try again. Thank you.
  8. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    Indeed AA or NA aren’t for everyone. But that is what worked for me and the hundreds of addicts and alcoholics I know. I can only attest to what helped ME. I can’t tell you that simply reading a book or going to church will work because it didnt for me and I don’t know anyone who has had that work. I was deep in the throes of addiction and needed something more. This is a forum for advice from one addict to another yes? Well the only advice I can give, that I have solid is evidence for it’s success is what helped ME get sober and that is AA and treatment. I hope you find what works for you, it’s in our nature to want to try the easier softer. If book reading could have worked for me I would have done it. Who wouldn’t want to change as little as possible but still have results? NO ONE lol but alas I needed to change everything
  9. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    Hey girl, You don’t have to talk in meetings, just listen, listen to how and what worked for other people with your same addiction. Just pass when it comes to you, there’s no pressure to share and if there is try a different meeting. No two meetings are exactly the same. If one puts you off try a different one. I’m glad you’re willing to try it again :)
  10. Laughwithme

    Laughwithme Member

    That's why I'm on here, because my anxiety makes everything scary, but I know I had to reach out somehow. I deeply appreciate the advice. The ones I did go to, they kind of pressured people to talk so I'll definitely try a different one.
    Dominica likes this.
  11. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Laughwithme great! i do hope you find one that you're comfortable with!
  12. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Laughwithme... Finding a good meeting is like finding a good mate. You have to try different ones before you find one that clicks with you. If you went on a date with someone you didn't like, you wouldn't just stop dating altogether, right? You'd go out with other people until you found someone you were comfortable with. So think of meetings the same way. And please don't ever give up trying to get sober. I'm a firm believer that if you mix willingness and hope enough times, you WILL find long-term sobriety. Just keep trying and keep working hard, my friend. And know that we're here for you to lean on. We will help and support you however we can. You are not alone.
  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Laughwithme everyone who replied here gave great advice,every last one of them have been helping me in different ways.Like I usually share a post of everything combined as I'm a recovering addict from..well alot of different substance's.As i read your story i noticed a few thing's specifically that i can relate to,for instance you said it's killing you and that feeling is very real and i am so glad your reaching out as at one time in my life at the age of 19 i literally drank myself to death and as i was on the hospital bed with that white sheet pulled over me except my face a nurse's plea with a Dr are the reason I'm alive,2 hits with a defribalator is usually all a person gets before they call it but a nurse begged the Dr to hit me one more time and he did and my heart started back up and i will forever be grateful for that.As i woke and started breathing the nurse came over crying and said "i just lost my son to a heroin overdose,and he was so young and you remind me of him"she then hugged me and told me her son was the lead singer of the band Sublime.i couldn't believe that his death would trigger the plea that saved my life and still to this day i feel so blessed to be alive,and hurt knowing her loss was what saved my life.Also i noticed you said your shy,i am as well and felt such anxiety about going to AA or NA and i did exactly as you i expressed that anxiety here on this site and @CMMW talked me through how it helped her so i decided to go to my first meeting ever.I struggled with the idea of speaking openly face to face and as the people stood and introduced themselves as addicts and said their name's i started freaking out and felt out of place so when it came around to me i stood and said it my way which is funny to me now but at the time i stood and said"Hi my name is ++++ and I'm a straight up dirt bag,watch your wallets hold onto your car keys and can i sleep on your couch"and then sat down feeling odd and for about 10 seconds it was dead silent and suddenly everyone started clapping and the rest of the meeting random people would come by and hug me and say welcome and we are glad your here.My anxiety started fading and now i go regularly and each time i feel like i shed a little weight in the burden of addiction.That being said they are all correct find what work's for you not all of us are the same like my anxiety comes from an inability to lie so i introduced myself how it felt honest as i personally feel if i can't be honest i can't recover.So i hope you share here openly and in meetings if you indeed start going again and you will not be judged here for sure i feel confident in that statement.Im sorry if this drags on but i put 100% of myself into my post because i genuinely care.You are strong and brave,Stronger than you realize and i would be honored to help with whatever i can because you are worth so much more than your addiction has to offer.Stay Strong and God Bless you we are all here for you Take Care
    deanokat likes this.
  14. JanetP

    JanetP Member

    Hi Laughwithme,
    Well done for reaching out, it really is so important to share and to lift the weight off. You sound so desperate to stop but convinced you can't. Do you think it's time to try a treatment programme? I recently came off an alcohol home detox programme myself by Serenity Health Group. Have you looked up what is available to you in your local area?
    True concern, Dominica and deanokat like this.
  15. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @JanetP congratulations on your decision to stop drinking and what great news about your home detox,im so glad it helped you and wish i knew of such a thing during my detox's and I'm sure that this information will be very helpful to many on this site and i really hope that they will look into it so they can get their lives back on track safely as cold turkey is very difficult and can be deadly.Welcome to the site and thank you so much for sharing this.Stay Stong and God Bless.Take Care
    Dominica likes this.
  16. lonewolves

    lonewolves Senior Contributor

    Hi @Laughwithme,
    I hope everything is well with you. I’m new to this forum, and it makes my heart so full to see the support around here. I truly believe that everyone that makes the effort to come here and share has the strength to stay sober even if it’s just one day at a time. My body also fought me very hard when it came to alcohol, and even if I only drank a few drinks I would still vomit for 6-10 hours the next day. Once I woke up at 8am and puked my guts out until 2am the next day. I had a whole set up with my laptop in the bathroom because I basically had to camp there with a never ending glass of water the next day. It’s wild the things we put our bodies through.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  17. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Indeed it is wild what we do to ourselves,now sober i can't stop running,like seriously i ran 4.4 miles already today and i may go run 4 more.I don't know i just run alot lol
    deanokat and lonewolves like this.
  18. lonewolves

    lonewolves Senior Contributor

    I’m so thankful you found something that works for you! I have orthotics in my shoes, and pretty bad foot pain most of the time so running probably wouldn’t be good for me. Also I live in bear country so it’s not the safest thing to do, unless I want to prove my speed and outrun a grizzly or black bear haha. I very much enjoy yoga, but living in the middle of nowhere means no access to a gym so everything has to be at home and motivation is hard for me. One day I will get my act together and then WATCH OUT WORLD, here I come!
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  19. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    I like it lol,i maybe didn't mention that upon getting sober i almost immediately started running which is cool only thing is im no little guy.I'm 6'1" 230lbs so running actually destroyed my knee and I'm supposed to be on full bed rest before surgery,well that's not an option for me so I continue to run instead of heal because I NEED to.I spent enough year's of my life high and drunk doing nothing.Plus I'm pushing an age limitation to a goal I'm trying to achieve.I must remain fit as I'm going to try and pull off the impossible and enlist for active duty in the army and the age limit is 38 year's old.I have a year and a half to be as durable and fit as a 20 year old,so i don't have time to waste i must train even through the pain.I have studied politics for nearly ten years and i understand what it feels like to be liberated so i want to go help other's in different countries who are held captive by terrorists,i want to help human's I've never met experience peace and security so they can raise their children without fear of being murdered.I don't know many tell me it's a dumb idea but i can't think of a greater feeling than protecting the forgotten.
    deanokat and lonewolves like this.
  20. lonewolves

    lonewolves Senior Contributor

    I think that’s beautiful that you would want to do that. I’m sure you’re being careful, but try and not bust your leg completely. I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to be still again after doing it for so long, but you don’t want to end up bedridden for the rest of your life! Be safe!
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.