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I didn't see it coming

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by Winterybella, Nov 14, 2014.

  1. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I was born and raised in a christian family and so certain codes of conduct were expected of us as children. I came from a family of seven and into adulthood we all tried to stay on our christian path.

    Soon several of us had our own kids and did what we could to instill the same values we were taught as children.

    Today, I still struggle to understand how two of my nephews ended up smoking and apparently addicted to weed. "I just didn't see it coming". Speaking of myself, I am anything but perfect so I am never quick to condemn or criticize. I often wish that others in my family could be more understanding as it relates my nephews.

    I came to this forum for the primary purpose of understanding and finding ways to help my family and friends. Perhaps I might also be able to offer some encouragement to someone here as well.

    I still ask the question. "Do you see it coming"? The drugs, the alcohol, the signs pointing to an addiction? I reckon you do at times and maybe for whatever reason we ignore those signs. What's your opinion?
  2. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Since we are not able to monitor all in the family most of the times especially those who have their own lives already, it will be really hard to see it coming.
    Definitely they will be needing more understanding as well as help on how to get rid of those vices. Better if there will be someone who will guide them and make them realize they need help.
  3. Lexi

    Lexi Member

    Well to be fair to your nephews, you have no reason to judge them at all. Smoking cigarettes is not good but, "weed" is nothing that should have even been a thought in your mind.

    Put this into perspective. Marijuana has killed 0 people, Christianity is responsible for a massive number of deaths throughout history. There was a time where people were actually killed for not joining Christianity. People were killed because, they were thought to be "witches". People were killed for no reason at all.

    Religion is what is wrong with this world. It is based on fear. Christianity would not even exist in our culture if not for "the devil" and hell. Without them there would be no fear of "not making it into heaven".

    If you really want to be a good parent and/or role model in this life, then lead by example. Health is best example you can set for someone. When you are your healthiest, you look and feel your best and with all of that positive energy, you are able to "do" your best. Health is the highest form of intelligence.

    Friends and family lie to each other yet, people put faith (belief without evidence) into the writings from people that they don't even know.

    Would an all powerful "God" create highly intelligent beings (us) that are fully capable of reasoning and expect them to have faith (belief without any evidence) using a low level of intelligence and no reasoning at all? It makes no sense.

    The negatives far outweigh the positives when it comes to religion. You don't need to "follow" a book to be a good person. Be yourself and live out your desires as long as they do not effect other people negatively.

    People will criticize someone for smoking and then will go eat some toxic food and enjoy a toxic beverage shortly after.

    This world can be summed up with one single word, idiocracy. As the health of the world fades, so does the intelligence of the world.

    Be healthy, spread positive energy and don't be afraid to be who you are. Quit following, quit talking and start leading by example.. or continue living a meaningless life. (I'm talking to everyone that reads this)

    While religious people are praying for others, you can be leading by example and actually helping others in many ways. Being "independent" is what this world does NOT want you to be but, you must be independent. If you haven't noticed, most people "rely" on others. Quit being a follower, start living your life!
    valiantx likes this.
  4. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Thank you Zaerine. You are so true about not being able to monitor our young ones when they have their own lives. All too often we hear parents say "not my child" in connection with any kind of addiction. As parents I think it is important to play a greater role in our children's lives. It is important that we keep the lines of communication open so that they share there innermost thoughts with us. I am fortunate to have a son who shares everything or most things with me; the good, the bad and the ugly.

    In connection with my nephews and other friends who have shared their addiction stories with me, I am never their to judge. I am there to help and support. I came to the forum simply to learn and grow and share where I can.
  5. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    As kids grow up, they tend to trust their 'friends' more than they do parents or relatives. It's important for family to find out what kind of friends their kids have so you can avoid dealing with serious problems later. If kids choose the wrong friends and parents know nothing about them then you should expect the worst.

    To be honest, no one knows their kids will end up doing drugs but it's better to be prepared because in their teens, most kids 'experiment.' You just need to keep a watchful eye on them so that you know when the kids start experimenting and right there, start telling them why drugs are bad for them, etc, etc.
  6. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    I definitely understand where you are coming from. I'm also a Christian and have seen things like this happen to people that you have never imagined would be addicted. But it does happen. I suggest, though, that you keep them in the right path whenever you could, because they definitely need guidance.
  7. Gin0710

    Gin0710 Active Contributor

    I often worry that my brothers have problems with drinking. I think my mother is in denial that anything could ever be wrong with her sons. It's unfortunate because that kind of behavior can get them hurt or even killed.
  8. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    This is a sad fact that most might feel more comfortable with friends and trust them more than their family. It might be just okay if you have the right kind of friends and not those who we can call bad influences. Better to be ready prepared and observant about what they might be getting into already.
  9. Mallard

    Mallard Member

    I'm not here to condemn anyone else's views on religion, but being a Christian does not make you immune to addiction. My parent's started a mission church when I was a kid, and I was raised in it, and I still spent 25+ years as an addict. My parents were AMAZING and raised me well, but I unfortunately fell into the abyss of drugs.

    And Lexi, as far as having evidence of God? The very definition of faith is believing even though you may not have concrete evidence. No, I have never seen God, but I have felt his presence and if it wasn't for believing in something greater than myself and putting my faith in it, I most likely would be dead. I wholeheartedly agree with you though on leading by example. We can learn so much from other's experiences and save ourselves from making some of the same mistakes.
  10. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Somewhere along the road the intent of my posting might have been missed by some. My question relates primarily to whether you see "it" coming. The addiction to drugs, the falling into the abyss of drugs like Mallard mentioned.

    Mallard, I am glad you can speak so highly of your parents and the obvious fine upbringing you had. Yet,I want to ask, did they see you slipping into your abyss of drugs. Were there obvious signs?

    In the case of my nephews I did not see it coming and the parents seem to suggest they didn't either. Could it be they missed the signs?
  11. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    Most of the times we never see it coming my dear, especially the addicts themselves. Looking on from the outside, you may be easier to detect the signs but not the actual user. Many persons tend to judge another's situation when they are in no position themselves to do such. It is like a liar criticizing a thief, as if both are not the same sin. Welcome to the family and I hope you are already feeling at home here and thanks for sharing your story.
  12. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Idiocracy is fine, because an idiot simply means "private person" or "a individual of no profession or social status," thus idiocracy simply means the state of being idiot(s). I am a idiot most of my life, but when I engage in business or commerce with another human, that's when I no longer am a idiot. Also, when something social or professional does not benefit I a man, it is very good for me to be an idiot and not take part in something that may cause harm, injury, or wrong to me. U.S.A., was in fact the nation gifted with the great human experiment of "self-governance" or idiocracy, meaning every man and woman is responsible and liable for their actions and inactions, instead of a king, queen, ruler, or emperor dictating peoples lives.

    Also, following is okay, its what one follows that matters e.g. I follow my heart's wishes and desires, for I cannot follow any other.

    However, I do agree with you about the religion part regarding christianity or any henotheistic religions - there has never been a monotheism, that's a fallacy most humans have been duped to believe. Religion is one of the most misinterpreted words most people have never bothered to look up, and all it means is "to rebind or rebound." Truth is, the only rebinding any humans truly can have is with their self, because what one wishes for their self is what he or she will more than likely wish for others.

    Thanks for the share too.
  13. Mallard

    Mallard Member

    Winterybella, they may not have seen it coming in those first few years, but eventually it was hard to miss. Since my addiction was to prescribed medication, I think my parents put their faith in the doctors and thought they wouldn't let me slip into abusing it, but as any addict knows, we are such darn good liars!! I kept telling them I needed it and they looked the other way and trusted me. Yes, I needed it, because I was an addict, not for the original intent of the medicine.

    I'm also a smoker. Of cigarettes, not weed. My parents weren't too happy about that either! Weed is a tricky one. My husband was addicted to it, (we are now divorced), and he could still get himself to work, pay the bills, etc. But when he didn't have his fix, I didn't want to be around him. It's funny, because the only way I could tell he was high, was not what you'd typically think, like someone who is drunk and intoxicated. The only way I could tell was, and excuse my language, he was not an asshole!

    Keep supporting your nephews and leading by example, you are on the right path!
  14. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Thank you Mullard for your encouraging words. I will continue to do what what I can to assist them. I got started here speaking about family affected by the marijuana addiction, but truth be told I am close to several other friends who are addicted.

    I find that because of the growing acceptance of this drug and so much emphasis on the medicinal value, more and more around me are becoming more comfortable using.

    For me when you are having issues with the ław and looking at doing serious time , there is something very wrong.

    Honestly when I realise how common płace and accepted the drug has become, I wonder if I should just be a good friend and relative and pray everything will be fine.
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2014
  15. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    I do understand why you did not see it coming. I think it is in the intensity of how you follow the code of conduct in your church. It is in the involvement you give to your Christian services. My Christian uncle and auntie, together with their children, were very devoted to their church activities almost all days of the week. They were passionately involved with their church, fellow Christians and family. Thus, we, including their children, also did not see it coming when they separated, with my auntie eventually getting married again to another person.

    Initially, judgment was made. But come to think of it, while we're not justifying their actions, we somehow understood. It's human nature. They failed for one reason or another. Maybe, they have already come to terms with each other and with God, I don't know how. They have moved on with their separate lives. They get involved together in their children's and grandchildren's affairs, which is good. And they still attend Christian services. I just believe God is ever forgiving and compassionate.

    As for your nephews, times are very different now. There are so many distractions and temptations that can lead us astray. Just as media can help, they also take a big responsibility exposing and brainwashing the present generation to a lot of misdeeds. Hence, tell your family and friends that this is the best time to morally support them so that they can overcome their addiction. There is hope and nothing is impossible with God as you very well know.
  16. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Notodrugs, I can so relate to what you are saying. Sometimes I believe I do know why I didn't see it coming nor did the parents and some relatives. I suspect we were perhaps looking in the wrong direction in a figurative way.

    I am also of the opinion that sometimes we see things coming but choose to ignore the warning signs. What is more is that sometimes even when we see certain situations developing with our kids outside of the norm, we can do nothing besides be understanding and tolerant of our youngsters missteps.

    Thanks for you perspective on the matter. I greatly appreciate it.
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2015
  17. Onionman

    Onionman Active Contributor

    Let's strip out the religion element to a large extent. I think some people are throwing their own biases/prejudices into the mix a bit, when really the essence of this should be about allowing you to increase your general awareness of unfamiliar substances.

    I definitely think that cigarettes and weed are at the low end of any spectrum. But the fact that it's something you highlight indicates a general lack of exposure to it. I'm not saying that's good or bad, it's just a fact. And that in turn leads me to think that you would never really "see it coming" because you have no reference point.

    I think this is a perfect time (and perfect forum) for you to educate yourself to context about addictions and how they can develop. Well done for at least being open to the idea of finding out rather than judging.
  18. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Onionman, do you really think I have come the right place? I must confess that I have had second thoughts at times. I came here for the primary purpose of learning and understanding the effects of marijuana addiction and using the knowledge to effect change in the lives of persons I care deeply about.

    I am by no means ignorant to the growing acceptance of the drug and for that reason was probably skeptical about joining a forum where to your point "cigarettes and weed are at the low end of any spectrum".

    That my introductory post " I did not see it coming" was interpreted as a religious piece requiring a history lesson in Christianity also left me questioning whether I had made the right decision about being here.

    I am still grateful that some saw the scenario being presented for what it was worth and provided me with good insight. I hope I can continue to find useful information that I can use in a meaningful way.
  19. Onionman

    Onionman Active Contributor

    Winterybella, I definitely think you've come to the right place. It's disappointing that some have jumped on religion as the starting point for discussion, particularly as the whole site is meant to be about providing mutual support and acceptance, regardless of the back story.

    Apologies if my "cigarettes and weed" comment came across at all as slightly patronizing - it wasn't intended to be. Everyone comes to the site with different knowledge and experiences, and it's difficult to know everyone's understanding up front.

    Definitely stay engaged in the conversation and continue to find useful information here. That's what the forum's for.
  20. wulfman

    wulfman Senior Contributor

    Every family has problems. Robin Williams seemed to have the perfect life. Turns out he was an alcoholic and had struggles with cocaine addiction. Just because you are religious and your family lives in harmony, it does not make it invulnerable to outside influences.