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I don’t want to lose my husband

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Lynnette, Jul 20, 2018.

  1. Lynnette

    Lynnette Member

    I have absolutely no one to talk to about what’s going on in my life right now. I’m ashamed and scared to talk to anyone, I thought about writing in a journal or something to feel better about letting it all out, instead of keeping it bottled up inside. but I don’t even want to do that because I don’t want descriptive memory of this time in my life.... My husband and I are 24 years old and we’ve been together since 2012. We got married last year. And it really seemed as things were going “normal” we have a small child.
    When I was pregnant he had a bad drinking problem..... it caused many fights and lots of stress, it took over him. I left him and we were seperated for a few months. He got better. I moved back in.... last December he got the spur idea “hey I wanna smoke a little weed” and openly asked me about it and talked to me about it. No it’s not my favorite and I’m not “ok” with it but I was thankful he came to me and talked about it and I know it isn’t the worst thing in the world. So he got a little. He stayed inside and we wanted lots of movies and he spent lots of time with me and our child. It wasn’t bad at all...... well his job drug test and he failed..... so he quit and had to find another job. It took a month or a little longer for the weed to get out of his system and pass a drug test for a good job. So since the beginning of this year I have noticed lots of changes in him..... for one he had gained about 10 pounds when he was smoking weed from the munchies and being lazy. And I’ve noticed lately he’s drastically lost weight. He’s skinny!!! And he blamed it on, not smoking, being hit and sweating out in the heat, and keeping busy, along these few months I’ve had a bad feeling and I didn’t want to accuse him of anything that I wasn’t sure of. I didn’t want to cause a fight. I wanted to get along. He also takes a bynadril every night to go to sleep. That isn’t normal considering he wakes up SUPER early for work and should be dead tired and go to sleep easily. It’s like he can’t go to sleep! So that was another clue. I give him his own space and he spends ALOT of time out in his man cave work shed. Fixing stuff, working on stuff, you know what ordinary men like to do. Well........ I’ve BEEN having a bad feeling.... no clue in the world what could be going on. I asked, are you doing anything behind my back? Is something going on? And he swore to me NOTHING was going on I calmly told him he could talk to me about anything.
    Well I tried to not think about it and the signs were all there in front of my face but I had no proof.
    2 weeks ago we were going on a little weekend get away, with the vehicle loaded down I noticed his big work bag on the back seat. So I grabbed it and took it inside and said “why don’t u leave ur bag out ? It will give us more room?” The look on his face gave it away, he got very defensive and took the bag. I got the bag and started going through it he reached in the bag and put something in his pocket and ran outside and threw it!!!!!! Long long story summed up. He told me it was adderall. And that it wasn’t as bad as I thought he only took it ever now and then and he was so sorry he was stupid and I would never have to worry about it again. I left him
    In anger and later met back up and tried to work on things. In these 2 weeks I have still seen major signs and have been suspicious I’ve been a total investigator and have went through this call and txt logs to see if he is still hiding something from me. He has........ it’s been a constant fight because he is so defensive about it and admitted he has a problem and needs a little time to come off of them. So here I am upset that he’s addicted. But there are still so many lies and he just wouldn’t be completely honest and I have been so understand and tried so hard to get along and make it through this.
    It’s been so tough. We are fighting I have threatened to leave. I have been so on the fence about what to do. Last night we got in a big argument and he left to cool off. When we left we started txting and he came clean to me.......
    he has been doing METH!!!! Meth....... am I in a nightmare. Is the real life :(
    Never in my life have I done drugs or even seen drugs besides weed. I don’t deserve this neither does our child.... he is better than this. He’s so sorry and he wants to change so bad.... I believe he wants to stop but I don’t see how!!!! And it’s so hard bc no one knows and I have no one to talk to for advice. We have been fighting so much and I just don’t know why I am still here..... he has been mean and having mood swings and then he breaks down and apologizes I know it’s messing with him. I just want my husband back. I’m so scared he’s not trying to stop like he says he is........ I can’t accept the fact of this it’s so hard....
    He says he is winging himself off and going to a facility is not an option! He is going to do this on his own, is it possible????? What can I do to help????? I’ve thought of everything I just
    Don’t know!! I need advice. He wants to quit. What can I do to help him?? I KNOW THAT IF I LEAVE HE WILL GET WORSE. He will have no motivation and he will not be able to do this. He will get worse and I hate that for him and for our child!!!! I want to help but it’s so hard ! He says I don’t understand and I don’t!! I’ve been on his ass and asking wyd where you at and wanting to be up his ass so I can SEE that he’s doing right. I don’t want to turn into a control freak but I also don’t want to give him any space! Giving him space gives him time to do the drug!!! Someone please help and give me advice on how to help my husband. Suposibly he’s been doing it since March or April of his year.
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Ok so from what i read he is fairly new to Meth,meth is not physically addicting like heroin so there is no such thing as "ween" yourself off meth.Every relationship is diifferent so im not getting involved in that but here is the Truth.If he wants to quit meth just tell him to go to sleep for like 2_3 days no joke.If he only sleeps a few hours and gets back up he did more dope.When you totally eliminate meth from your life you...Sleep-Sh*t-Eat repeat for literally 30 plus hours depending on how long a run hes been on
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat and Lynnette like this.
  4. Lynnette

    Lynnette Member

    I have never been a drug user so I don’t understand :( I don’t even smoke cigs so I don’t understand addiction. So he tells me he has a problem and he has to just not do it as much until he doesn’t do it at all..... he says he CANT just quit, is this true? Does he need to still do it every now and again. I am trying so hard to help him. I say please don’t do it. Please. I’m nice and calm and he HAS to. I would do anything for him. How can he quit? He just needs to STOP? He is new at this. I wish he would have never started :(
  5. Lynnette

    Lynnette Member

    I read your story and you are a strong person, and you will find happiness. God bless you
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Lynnette

    Lynnette Member

    I have a kind of crazy question........ would it help him if he smoked a little weed to calm him down . Just until he’s over the fact that he isn’t nothing meth anymore? I know one drug to the next isn’t ideally right. But it would calm him and maybe help him. Should I suggest that to him ?
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    its definately a better route than meth,Meth is not a drug that should be toyed with it only gets worse as time goes on,if you allow yourself to believe it can be controlled 20 years later you look back at everything you have lost and if your lucky you get to spend the rest of your life asking yourself "WHY"
    deanokat likes this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I appreciate that and i hear often "Your a strong person"and i hope one day i can see that as well but right now i cannot.Im a grateful person that had the world in my graspe by 17 years old and i threw it all away.Im hopeful i can still make a difference in someone elses lives.I dont know,i want to feel better than my memories allow at this time
    deanokat likes this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I will respond here again later im having a hard time this morning,it sucks to have the same nightmare every night and wake up every morning looking for your family.Stay Strong
    Lynnette likes this.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @Lynnette. And thank you for sharing. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is struggling with a drug problem, but I'm glad you found us and reached out.

    I think @True concern has given you some good advice and insight. I also think you need to take good care of yourself and your child. Being around meth and other drugs is not the best environment for a child. So make sure you put you and your child first as far as health and safety. You may want to consider attending Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings for yourself, too. It can be very helpful and comforting to be around people who know exactly what you're going through and feeling.

    Your husband can get off of drugs if he truly wants to do it and is willing to do the hard work necessary. But remember: You didn't cause his addiction, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. If you try to control it or "fix" him, you will drive yourself crazy. And that's not something you want to do.

    We're here for you. If you need help, support, advice, or just a place to vent, you can do that here. You are not alone.

    I'm sending you lots of positive energy and hope. And I will say a prayer for your husband and your family.
    Dominica, True concern and Lynnette like this.
  11. Lynnette

    Lynnette Member

    Thank you very much for your encouraging words.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  12. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Lynnette hello and welcome. thanks for reaching out. i don't have have experience with meth...but addiction is addiction... and oftentimes, you can't "just quit". recovery is oftentimes a process, a journey, may include relapses, and takes some work. he may be able to quit on his own, but he may not. he may not even be ready to really quit... if he's quitting for you, that might not be enough..he may need to want to do it for him...

    you can talk to him about your pot questions.... but he may benefit from talking to an addiction specialist. is he willing to go to counseling?? 12 step group? both may help....

    i'm sorry you're going through this. if you want, you can attend a support group for loved ones of addicts... nar-anon or al-anon... can help you get the support you may need. addiction affects everyone... as you know.

    and you're not alone. we are here to listen and offer the support we can..
    deanokat and Lynnette like this.