I have absolutely no one to talk to about what’s going on in my life right now. I’m ashamed and scared to talk to anyone, I thought about writing in a journal or something to feel better about letting it all out, instead of keeping it bottled up inside. but I don’t even want to do that because I don’t want descriptive memory of this time in my life.... My husband and I are 24 years old and we’ve been together since 2012. We got married last year. And it really seemed as things were going “normal” we have a small child. When I was pregnant he had a bad drinking problem..... it caused many fights and lots of stress, it took over him. I left him and we were seperated for a few months. He got better. I moved back in.... last December he got the spur idea “hey I wanna smoke a little weed” and openly asked me about it and talked to me about it. No it’s not my favorite and I’m not “ok” with it but I was thankful he came to me and talked about it and I know it isn’t the worst thing in the world. So he got a little. He stayed inside and we wanted lots of movies and he spent lots of time with me and our child. It wasn’t bad at all...... well his job drug test and he failed..... so he quit and had to find another job. It took a month or a little longer for the weed to get out of his system and pass a drug test for a good job. So since the beginning of this year I have noticed lots of changes in him..... for one he had gained about 10 pounds when he was smoking weed from the munchies and being lazy. And I’ve noticed lately he’s drastically lost weight. He’s skinny!!! And he blamed it on, not smoking, being hit and sweating out in the heat, and keeping busy, along these few months I’ve had a bad feeling and I didn’t want to accuse him of anything that I wasn’t sure of. I didn’t want to cause a fight. I wanted to get along. He also takes a bynadril every night to go to sleep. That isn’t normal considering he wakes up SUPER early for work and should be dead tired and go to sleep easily. It’s like he can’t go to sleep! So that was another clue. I give him his own space and he spends ALOT of time out in his man cave work shed. Fixing stuff, working on stuff, you know what ordinary men like to do. Well........ I’ve BEEN having a bad feeling.... no clue in the world what could be going on. I asked, are you doing anything behind my back? Is something going on? And he swore to me NOTHING was going on I calmly told him he could talk to me about anything. Well I tried to not think about it and the signs were all there in front of my face but I had no proof. 2 weeks ago we were going on a little weekend get away, with the vehicle loaded down I noticed his big work bag on the back seat. So I grabbed it and took it inside and said “why don’t u leave ur bag out ? It will give us more room?” The look on his face gave it away, he got very defensive and took the bag. I got the bag and started going through it he reached in the bag and put something in his pocket and ran outside and threw it!!!!!! Long long story summed up. He told me it was adderall. And that it wasn’t as bad as I thought he only took it ever now and then and he was so sorry he was stupid and I would never have to worry about it again. I left him In anger and later met back up and tried to work on things. In these 2 weeks I have still seen major signs and have been suspicious I’ve been a total investigator and have went through this call and txt logs to see if he is still hiding something from me. He has........ it’s been a constant fight because he is so defensive about it and admitted he has a problem and needs a little time to come off of them. So here I am upset that he’s addicted. But there are still so many lies and he just wouldn’t be completely honest and I have been so understand and tried so hard to get along and make it through this. It’s been so tough. We are fighting I have threatened to leave. I have been so on the fence about what to do. Last night we got in a big argument and he left to cool off. When we left we started txting and he came clean to me....... he has been doing METH!!!! Meth....... am I in a nightmare. Is the real life Never in my life have I done drugs or even seen drugs besides weed. I don’t deserve this neither does our child.... he is better than this. He’s so sorry and he wants to change so bad.... I believe he wants to stop but I don’t see how!!!! And it’s so hard bc no one knows and I have no one to talk to for advice. We have been fighting so much and I just don’t know why I am still here..... he has been mean and having mood swings and then he breaks down and apologizes I know it’s messing with him. I just want my husband back. I’m so scared he’s not trying to stop like he says he is........ I can’t accept the fact of this it’s so hard.... He says he is winging himself off and going to a facility is not an option! He is going to do this on his own, is it possible????? What can I do to help????? I’ve thought of everything I just Don’t know!! I need advice. He wants to quit. What can I do to help him?? I KNOW THAT IF I LEAVE HE WILL GET WORSE. He will have no motivation and he will not be able to do this. He will get worse and I hate that for him and for our child!!!! I want to help but it’s so hard ! He says I don’t understand and I don’t!! I’ve been on his ass and asking wyd where you at and wanting to be up his ass so I can SEE that he’s doing right. I don’t want to turn into a control freak but I also don’t want to give him any space! Giving him space gives him time to do the drug!!! Someone please help and give me advice on how to help my husband. Suposibly he’s been doing it since March or April of his year.