An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

I Feel Bad When I Tell My Friend No

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by crc3thebest, Mar 17, 2015.

  1. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Is there a way to not offend a friend who has become dependent on substances? I love my friend to death, and want my friend to be happy, however it seems as if I am being detrimental by telling my friend to stop using. When he does use, he is the greatest person on earth, but when he is not he becomes a another person.
    How can I help my friend?
  2. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    Try not to be too bombarding with it, but it definitely would not hurt to tell your friend that you're concerned with their health and concerned that they have a drug problem. Having your support might be what they need to try and quit, so definitely be very supportive of them.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  3. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend, and it does sound like he needs some help here. You definitely can't constantly bring up his substance use/abuse, but you'll want to try and help him realize how his drug use affects his life and relationships with others. Some people aren't ready to make the necessary changes right now, though, so you might find this process slow in the beginning if he's not ready.
  4. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    It sounds like he isn't ready to quit. Perhaps he does not truly realize his drug use is a problem at this point, or he is in denial because he still enjoys it. Unfortunately you really can't just talk someone into getting help and quitting. That's a decision they have to make for themselves, or it will not last.
  5. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    Well, there are not a lot of things you can do right now. From what it seems he won't listen to anyone and I think he already fell into a big addiction. I would suggest you talk with him and maybe get him going to a rehab program, though it seems unlikely that he will. Not much you can do, he will have to learn it the hard way.
  6. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    The change in your friend's personality are evident to you. It sounds like your friend is using to escape something that is bothering him. Try another direction with your friend. When he is not being the 'greatest person on earth' talk to him. For your efforts to help him try to find out what leads him to use.
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2016
  7. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    It seems to me like you're living a lie. You want the best for your friend but you're blind to the fact that drugs are ruining his life. You being his best friend should be at the forefront advocating for his ditching of substances since you want the best for him.
  8. Sydney R

    Sydney R Member

    There's definitley a way to communicate to your friend that abusing drugs is wrong without feeling as if you're being condescending. I've been through the same situation, and I found that sharing my thoughts and feelings about how I felt about the situation and how I cared about this person aided the situation greatly. If you communicate why you're doing what you're doing, and helping them overcome these problems, it won't feel like you're boaing them around, but supporting them and guiding them in a healthy direction.
  9. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I think it is important that you will remind him from time to time. Better if there will be someone who will remind him that being addicted is not a good thing. Even that substance seemed to make him a better person, that is just temporary and the worst is going to happen if he will not stop.
  10. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Hi @crc3thebest Continue being strong with your feeling of detest towards drugs, but not towards your friend who's under the spell of it. Continue showing pity and love by telling him the truth about harmful drugs. Telling him the truth in love will save his life. Encourage him to seek help from communities like this and from local community that offer understanding and listening to people like your loved friend.

    Please do not give in to his abuse of drugs to appease him. Be strong, Friend.
  11. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Sometimes the best love is tough love. It's hard, because I think the approach you take really does depend greatly on the individual in question -- tough love will work on some people, but it will cause others to rebel more, I find, and may even mean their drug use increases. As a couple of other people in this forum have suggested, someone really has to be ready to quit on their own, as hard as that can be to accept sometimes. Obviously indicating that you're there for support is a huge thing, but your friend needs to decide that quitting is the best thing for them, despite how hard it will be. Best of luck - I hope things are looking up now!
  12. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Yes, tough love with loads of constant kindness--does work! People's inner voice of conscience never leave nor forsake them, even when they are under the spell of drugs. Our "tough love and truth" , constant support, availability and understanding will affirm their inner voice that's been crying out for help.
  13. chanelskii

    chanelskii Member

    Just don't nag him about it. You're not his mom.
    What he need is a voice of reason and a role model and that is your part.
    You have to make him see how wrong it is for him to abuse his self by using the substances but at the same time try not to make him feel like you don't have his back. Some people would like to know that there are still some people in their lives who got their back. Always try to remind him, in the friendliest manner you can afford, that using the substance ain't helping him in any way at all.
  14. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    You need to tell your friend the truth. By telling him the truth, if will realise and thank you later. If you keep quiet about it, you will leave him to get lost. You might have seen somebody in your society affected by drugs, give him that example. Has he ever gone to hospital and seen somebody struggling with drugs? Let him compare his past and present life and notice any differences. Try your best to convince him and you will be of great help.
  15. cpinatsi

    cpinatsi Senior Contributor

    This is a common behavior for an addict. I'm sure you know that by not confronting him and not telling him the truth he will never get out of all this. Just try talking to him in a calm way. He won't listen at first, in fact it may take many tries but eventually you might convince him to stop.
  16. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    There is what we call tough love. You might not want top hurt his feelings by not telling him what he needs to hear. But do you think you can help him that way? Just tell him how you feel and tell him that you are concerned for his well being. When you finally do talk to him, I really hope that he will listen to reason. If he doesn't, then try again and never give up. He needs help. He's lucky to have a friend like you.