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I feel guilty for not being table to help my aunt who I am really close to.

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by 003, Jan 7, 2015.

  1. rainbowguard

    rainbowguard Senior Contributor

    I think you can talk to your parents and let them make the decision. I think that's as responsible as you could be.

    What's your relation to her? Is she the sister of one of your parents'? If that is the case, then it will be easier for your father/mother to give your aunt some psychological support first, and take necessary actions for the sake of the kids if it fails (such as bringing her to an inpatient rehabilitation). I'd rather focus on her rehabilitation instead of sending the kids somewhere else.

    What's harder is if she is not related to one of your parents. Does her husband still exist? If he does, then maybe your parents can persuade him to do the same thing. I agree that you need to be firm to your parents about it but let your parents make the decision since you feel that you are not in the position.
  2. Mockingbird

    Mockingbird Member

    OP you did not say what ages these children are, if they are older maybe you can allow them to come and stay for a visit for awhile and see where they are in their own heads. Children can be very resilient and it might be possible that they are coping very well and actually more stable then you think. It is possible that they are already getting support through the school or church that you are not aware of. At the very least, you as a family member are letting them know that family ties do exists... thats not a bad thing. What extra could a week or two cost you? maybe some food money or money to get them there perhaps? Would that be affordable?

    If the children are not happy take it from there. If these are very young children, I would have to agree- my call would be to get some sort of intervention. Their life could depend on it.
  3. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    Tell you what, you send the link to this forum to your aunt titled "This Is For You". She opens up the link. Reads everything you posted. BAM!
    I sincerely hope that she gets well soon.
  4. OhioTom76

    OhioTom76 Senior Contributor

    There may be ways you can help them out without spending a bunch of money or without causing too much friction with her. Perhaps offer to take them to the library a few times a week so they can spend a few hours working on their homework, getting to use the computers there, and just being in a more productive environment overall. It would be better than them sitting around the house seeing her miserable all day. In fact maybe there is something you've been meaning to work on as well, that you can get done at the library at the same time along with the kids.

    Maybe even offer to help out, along with some of your other family members, to help them get into some after school extracurricular activities, so they can socialize more. Even something like a bowling night with some of their other cousins, or something like that.
  5. bobbilady52

    bobbilady52 Member

    If she has a serious addiction your words might not matter but it does to the one who will get your aunt help. The poor children are living in this mess and it's not fair for them. She is the adult but yet she is not her self and this could cause a bad situation for her kids. I feel getting more family involved and even making a call to an agency to help her and the kids would be a wise choice. Please don't let to much time pass by as it's spelling the word TROUBLE!!
  6. wander_n_wonder

    wander_n_wonder Active Contributor

    I think if there's really nothing you can do to help, you should not take it so much against yourself. It also won't be healthy for you if you feel guilty all the time. You just need to accept that sometimes, people have to learn to take care of themselves too and not rely so much on other people.

    I'm sure, with love and support, your aunt will eventually be ok. All you can do is make her feel that you are not judging her in any way, and you support her all the way.
  7. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    I feel your distress and to some extend understand the terrible position you find yourself in. I can only suggest that you talk to the rest of the family about your concerns and together you can come up with a solution! I also don't think that taking the kids away from her would help her, she might get worse and something horrible might also happen and then you'd probably feel responsible! I suppose it's the same case with the kids being in her care with the way she is, they also might be in harms way. It really is an awful place that you find yourself in, so before you make any hast decisions do talk to some of your close relatives and then take it from there.
    All the best!
  8. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    Very sad to hear stories like this. I feel really bad for your aunt, and twice as bad for her kids. When addiction takes over a persons life. It destroys everyone in it. I personally know that you are between a rock, and a hard place. I've been there it's not easy. I just think the kids would be better off with a family member for the time being. I think it's very important that your aunts kids stay together no matter where they go.
  9. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    That must be a horrible situation to be in, can you help them as a family? If you can not help her on your own then try talking to your whole family and addressing the problem as a unit. I am so sorry for what you are going through, it must be so incredibly difficult for you and I hope things get easier soon.