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i feel like my boyfriend is using behind my back..advice plss

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by jessie03, Sep 28, 2018.

  1. jessie03

    jessie03 Member

    Me and my boyfriend are both recovering addicts and we are trying to stay clean but a few weeks ago he admitted to using behind my back but it was more so thaat he was about to get caught so he just fessed up before that happened.. and i know the game bc i played it not to long ago but i just still feel like he might be using and i love him but im trying to get my daughter back so how should i handle this situaation..
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @jessie03 thank you for reaching out. i'd be very clear with him that using is a deal breaker for you, b/c you do want your daughter back... i know you love him, but love isn't enough to keep a relationship together. there are boundaries, wants, needs, etc.

    have a firm conversation with him... maybe he can commit to some sort of therapy or recovery path...or maybe you can find a support group to go to together....

    hope this helps.
    Lostboy8731 and deanokat like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    In all honesty, no offense meant but you put your feelings aside and do what's right for your kid and your efforts to get her back and you must face reality your codependent relationship is only going to further the distance between you and your child.CHOOSE HER PERIOD! Stay strong and God Bless
    Lostboy8731 and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @jessie03... I'm proud of you for working to stay clean. If you suspect your boyfriend is using behind your back, do like @Dominica said and let him know that is NOT acceptable. You and your daughter should be at the top of your priority list. Always. YOUR lives matter the most. If anyone else is doing something that could jeopardize your getting your daughter back, or you staying clean, you need to make it perfectly clear that you will not stand for it. And if it continues, you need to move on.

    Please know that we are here to help, support, and listen. You can come here anytime you feel the need. You are not alone.

    I'm sending you love, light, and hope. And I'm praying that things work out and you get your daughter back.
    Lostboy8731 likes this.
  5. Lostboy8731

    Lostboy8731 Community Champion

    Hey @jessie03 sorry to hear about you struggles as a parent that had a child taken away before do to my partners drug use at the time i have to agree with @True concern completely as he said "CHOOSE HER PERIOD". And he and the others are right. You need to do what is best for your child. I know this is tough as you said you love him but sometimes we really need to step back and look at every aspect and detail and prioritize and figure out just what to do by choosing what's most important to us in our lives.
    Which as difficult as it can be that is only a choice you can make for yourself but all of us here support you and ill be praying for you as i know many other members will be. Take care and good luck. Check in and keep us up to date in your journey. And don't forget someone's always here if you need to chat
    True concern and deanokat like this.