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I just got dumped

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Rex, Oct 1, 2015.

  1. Rex

    Rex Community Champion

    Hi im a recovering alcholic. last night my girlfriend for the last year dumped me. I am devastated and i dont know what to do. Can someone give me some advice-im inconsolable
    lilfaerie28 likes this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Rex... My advice would be to remember that you are the most important person in your life. While you may feel devastated--and that's totally understandable--you need to realize that going back to drinking won't change anything. And I can almost guarantee that if you were to do that, you would end up regretting it later on. Take things an hour or minute at a time. Do you go to meetings? If so, going to one would be a great thing to do. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, my friend. You can get through this. It might be challenging, but I know you can do it.
    Rex likes this.
  3. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    First of all don't start drinking again. Things like this happen to everybody your still alive and hopefully in good health. Just continue living your life and find goals to accomplish, this will keep your mind occupied on more positive things in life. As long as you do things to constantly better yourself things will fall into place. Stay focused on getting your life together and someone else will eventually come along.
  4. Rex

    Rex Community Champion

    Thank you for the kind words. I'm not normally an emotional guy but i feel on the edge of crying all the time. I'm not considering drinking which is something i suppose, jesus everything had been going so well up until now. I cant eat, I cant sleep. This is the worst pain ive ever felt
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Hang in there, @Rex. By the way, there's absolutely nothing wrong with crying. Contrary to the message society sometimes sends to us, real men do cry. I actually think it's one of the best things we can do when we are hurting. I love this quote from my favorite author, Anne Lamott:

    "Crying is the most healing thing of all: it bathes us, hydrates us, baptizes us, waters the ground at our feet, for new life."
  6. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I'm sure we've all been in your position, I know I have more than once and it's not a nice feeling.

    All I will say is concentrate on yourself now, make sure you do things that make you happy and day by day the pain does get easier. When it happened to e I was also a recovering alcoholic and it did send me back to the bottle again.

    It lasted maybe a week for me but I was strong enough to stop again as alcohol doesn't cure problems, it just makes them worse, especially in situations that you find yourself in now.
  7. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello @Rex! Well, I am sorry to hear that your relationship with your girlfriend has already ended. I wonder why did she dump you just like that. Did you do anything that somehow hurt her feelings or did she just give up on you already? Anyway, I think it's not yet the end for the both of you. If you could prove to her that you still do love her and you are capable of changing yourself into a better person, probably she'll come back to you one of these days. Anyway, just focus on your recovery in the mean time. All the best!
  8. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    Find your favorite show from childhood and watch it? It always helped me disconnect from how miserable and distressed I feel at the moment and just pretend it's fine, like I would still be a kid and nothing of the real world matters. Of course, it only lasts while you make your marathon, but it usually helps me eat and sleep and not feel like a total mess for a while (just a half mess).

    Because I have no idea if anyone ever found something to heal a broken heart (I suspect they didn't), but to have something to do might help you feel better for a few minutes, or hours, and then you can grow that time out and push through.

    Maybe that'd work. I'd give it a try, at least.
    Rex likes this.
  9. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    Rejection is never easy, but a part of life. Remember it's important to know that you have no control over other people. What you do have control over is yourself coping with these sorts of things is very important. Don't hold it in express yourself while doing so you release your sadness. try hard to find a outlet for this please don't feel that a substance is a way to cope it's not this to shall pass good luck.
  10. henry

    henry Community Champion

    The bad thing about getting dumped is, that it makes you want to drink even more trying to forget it ever happened. But what really happens is that we end up making it worse by calling her 20 times drunk, trying to convince her to take us back. The funny thing is that our main argument is promising her we'll stop drinking, and we're promising this while being drunk, which is ironic. Calling her sober is a must if you want to fix things. If you really care for the girl, there are only 2 things you can do: quit drinking for good, or not let her know you're drinking at all. My advice to you is to quit drinking. There are lot's of places you can go to get some help these days. Do some research and pick the one you think suits you best. It would be a really good idea to ask her to help you. That way she'll see you're making a real effort to fix things. That's very important to a girl, because it tells her you're willing to go through all that just because you love her.
  11. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    I wish I would have gotten online yesterday and seen this. It's a taught road, but you'll be alright.

    You just need to sit back and realize that your health is more important than your love life. Losing someone in a relationship means that it wasn't meant to me. They are replaceable. Yourself, on the other hand, are not. You have to remember that you are important and you can't let yourself fall back into the mess of drinking. It doesn't solve anything and just makes you feel worse.
    deanokat likes this.
  12. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Bad things happen in life and unfortunately some relationships dissolve at the worst possible time. You can expect to got through the stages of grieving, especially if you really loved her. It is normal, and there is no quick fix to the pain you are going to feel for a while. The best advice I can give is to stay away from alcohol at all costs and embrace the different feelings you will feel as they come to you. Each morning that you wake up, it is going to hurt a little less until one day you are ready to move on to the next great thing this world has in store for you.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Break ups are hard and they hurt like nothing else especially if you don't see it coming. You allow yourself to love another only to have them break your heart. I know that no matter what we say it will not ease that pain but it does get better. You just have to take one day at a time and each day the pain will lessen. In time you will be able to love again and you will meet somebody who will love and treasure you the way you deserve. For now just take some time to mourn the relationship. We are here for you! You can talk to us whenever you need a friend.
    deanokat likes this.
  14. Rowe992

    Rowe992 Senior Contributor

    Only garbage gets dumped and I am sure you don't consider yourself as garbage! If your girlfriend said that it is over then don't cry over it and get depressed. There are a lot more women in the world and I am certain that you will meet some that are way better than your ex in every aspect that you use to judge a partner.
  15. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    Oh, damn it... Breakups are the worst things that can happen in recovery. You got to stay strong and do your best to forget her, though. Because if she broke up with you, chances are that she'll never want to return.

    Maybe it was because of your addiciton, or because of your old lifestyle? Did she give you a reason for it or left you right away?
  16. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I think you have to remember this too shall pass. I got dumped about 3 years ago,(something that really needed to happen by the way) and I barely remember his name today. At the time it seems like your life will never be the same, but it will be, and in fact it will be better in time. Reach out to your other friends, to family, and to those of us in this group, we can all give support. Just don't drink!! You have come so far!
  17. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Dear op, don't worry, we all have gotten dumped before, so we know the feeling. The first weeks or even months might be hard, but this will eventually pass and you will feel better in no time. Actually right now is a really good time to reevaluate your life, you can use this time to heal yourself and think about the things you really want in life, you know? Work on yourself and be a better person now that you are alone, try to see the positive side of this; now you have time to work on yourself.
  18. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    PS: I'm sorta curious -- you say that your breakup did not make you go back to drinking a lot or all this. And I see so many messages saying that "breaking up will make you want to drink", "make you fall back", blah. I wonder -- are these not sort of... subtly telling you that this is the expected behaviour? Like, whispering it in your ear or something.

    I don't know, I'm just curious.
  19. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think your right and it probably IS the expected behaviour and that's the trap I fell in to. Having a alcohol problem anyway I used that as an excuse to start drinking again, when I didn't really even want a drink, I just used it as a crutch to try and forget what was going on.
  20. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    Yeah, that sucks.

    Similar things happened to me like -- if I would feel miserable and start eating, because that's what girls going through "sad things" are always shown doing. But eating emotions is ... freaking unhealthy. And the same, they always show characters getting a drink to "loosen up" and "get the edge off", so it becomes ingrained as "normal behaviour" and when you don't know what to do, you just... do that. They should show more people just... going for a run or just, I don't know, screaming in their toilet and then flushing it. I think it's bad that we just always show those "triggers" as common coping mechanisms and that we don't ever really try to show alternatives.

    Do you think you can manage to get it into control?