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I Just Realized Why Im Emotional Today

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by True concern, May 22, 2019.

  1. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I just realized what is bothering me.I recieved a call from my Dr.today got the results from a blood test.

    So apparently i have very high cholesterol which i will be going on meds for but this is the one eating at me.

    Extremely high blood sugar meaning {Diabeties}Which is an emotional rollercoaster for me that i have been exhausted with my entire life,not with myself personally but i can remember since the age of 8 i have been basically a full time nurse to my mom as she suffers from whats known as brittle Diabeties and throughout my years i have found my mom in excess of 20 diabetic comas and have saved her life in excess of 50-60 times often times jumping up in the middle of the night because ive had a feeling she needed help and many of those times i have caught her just in time to save her life,last time i found her with her with her blood sugar at 17 and she was dead weight and blue and i was able to keep her alive by rubbimg pancake syrup on her gums and on the sides of her cheeks as well as under her tongue while i watched my brother and sister cry and scream in complete terror.For over 30 years i have been catching my mom just in time to save her life and she has had 2 back surgeries and 2 heart surgeries so she is on some pretty strong pain meds which makes waking her up hard enough at times but thats my mom and i will always be there for her as much as possible and i already know one day i wont make it in time and though deep down i know it wont be my fault after 30 years of being the one to help her i have no doubt i will blame myself and now im about to be living with the same disease....Yes i believe this has my emotions torn.I dont want anyone to have to live the way i have not saying i would do it different i am just saying its very exhausting emotionally and yes i probably dove deep into many substances to deal with the saddness this lifestyle has delivered and no im not blaming her just saying its a major sacrifice to ones own happiness a sacrifice i would make again because im a mommas boy and i love that woman so very much
    Joshstillclean and Dominica like this.
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    So after this disturbing medical news,im back in cant sleep mode{I suffer from insomnia anyways}however when i quit substances my sleep goes to like between 2-4 hours a day sometimes with 28-32 hours in between a good 6 hour sleep so anyways i cant sleep and decided im not going to just accept my current medical diagnosis so what to do?I know stop fuc*ing around and get back to the gym now that ive been in physical therapy for awhile getting my knee ready for the stress im about to put it through so i left for the gym at about 1030 and imagine my surprise when i pulled up and they shut it down and moved locations.Damnit its much further from where i live now than it was so since i was instantly aggravated i decided to return home and calm down and learn the location before making a rash decision and just showing up there not knowing the area or my surroundings.I have absouletly made up my mind...It is time to return to the gym
    Joshstillclean and Dominica like this.
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @True concern sorry to hear about your results... def an opportunity to practice radical self-care :) make it a way of life.

    the gym sounds good. exercise can be so therapeutic. listen to your body thought...don't overwork it. i know how you can run it like a mad man haha.

    i'm about to hop on my bike and go for a ride. THERAPY! yes, and a nice morning to do so. yes, get back to the gym and remember there are lots of things you can do at home to keep in shape too. (even yoga lol. you know you want to!)

    i'm messing with you... but yoga is very good for the body... just not everyone loves the idea.

    i hope you were able to get some sleep arthur... i'd be a hot mess without sleep.
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Take good care of your health, @True concern. It's the foundation for a good life. I'm sending healing vibes your way. :)
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    oh you dont even know lol....you say Yoga welllll i have been strongly considering it,to the point i have been discussing it with my physicaql therapist oh and dont let that shock you lets take this a step further 6 months of yoga and then im going to start Pilates lol have a good laugh everyone im not even worried about it but ive heard from several people that pilates is a very intense all around strengthening practice so ya im gonna start with yoga then go to pilates
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  6. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    My sister is teaching me Pilates. Its no joke. I think helping my balance has really helped me in boxing.

    I'm not gonna laugh. Beofre, when I was laughing at my sister for taking Brazilian jujitsu she (before she got pregnant with the last one) she had my butt on the ground before I knew I had been atacked!
    There really is benefit to it. Like for boxing its great to really hone those fine small twitch muscles. Like the reflex muscles. I have not been keeping up the practice but what little I have done has me noticing a difference.
    deanokat likes this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    lol ya with my size im more of a brut force type however i want yoga and pilates to learn discapline not to enhance my physical presence,anymore i walk away from fights i couls do damage in im just not interestede in that anymore
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  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Today is my sisters birthday,i barbequed steak for her,turned on the air conditioner{she loves the air conditioner}let her go wild with all her friends without yelling to stop{tough task}i helped an elderly lady carry her laundry upstairs,i shared some steak with a niehbor,all in all it was a good day
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  9. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I think you took me wrong. That's the reason I do boxing. Because its a way to release my feelings of spent up,frustration. But at the same time there is a big difference between,being a skilled,boxer and just going bare knuckle in the street.LOL
    I too my friend am done with that!
    I do,thowever enjoy boxing as it really if taken seriously is a sport that takes extreme discipline and skill. And another bonus for me is it pushes my body to the limit physically, so I get tired and sleep better.
    In no way am i trying to get tough. I did that already. And i didn't like what it did to me. But I enjoy friendly boxing.
    deanokat likes this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    i got you my friend i maybe just got side tracked in my response
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  11. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    By not liking what it did to me I mean it put my heart in a bad place.
    It was bad for my body as in I got hurt and stuff a lot. But it was worse for my spirit. I wish I could take bit back.
    There's some things I can't forget. But that would be at the top of my list.
    True concern likes this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    i get it brother i really do
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  13. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    And sorry to hear about your blood test brother. Does that mean pre diabetes or is it official? You don't have to answer that if you don't want. Just concerned.
  14. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    .
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2019
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  15. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I can't speak for you, but I bet Pink Floyds Comfotably Numb would make the list along with Johny Cashes cover of Hurt.
    And a whole lot of stuff by Schism...just an observation.
  16. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    i love so many types of music.... it can be very therapeutic. if i had a good voice, i would have definitely had my own band ;) i do spoken word poetry sometimes, and enjoy writing songs, but not the same. the MUSIC ... that's key.
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  17. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I play the alto saxophone...I'm thinking I should have gone with the violin though...I love string instruments.
    I absolutely love a cello quartet.
    But I can't afford a cello nor lessons. But I can afford a violin (because my sister has one) and like you said its in the music! Something about a slow violin solo with lots of low flat notes is so sad and soothing.
    I learned to play the sax starting at 11 so (i quit for about 4) so its taken me 16 years to learn to play well. And its like learning a second language so much easier when you are younger.
    I think if i wasn't afraid of failure or not being as good with the violin then I would have already picked it up. Because my brother in law teaches music for a living. He gives private lessons. But I agree with you oh would trade all of the musical know how for a voice and an extroverted personality so I could stand in front of people and sing. Alas..
  18. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Joshstillclean saxophone.. wow. very nice. violin would be wonderful. some excellent violin players here in southern louisiana!! :) never too late to take lessons and just do it for fun!!

    i hear you about voice and extrovert. but glad to be able to appreciate those that have it!
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  19. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Ill be going to baton rouge in a few days. I hope the weather is nice.
  20. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Joshstillclean oh wow! that's an hour from me! weather is hot and sunny in forecast i believe. a thunderstorm could pop up but they come and go quickly. HOT AND HUMID though... be prepared to sweat!! you're flying in?