An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the DrugAbuse.com Forums?Join or

I miss my husband.

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Tired Wife, Dec 4, 2018.

  1. Tired Wife

    Tired Wife Member

    I don’t even know where to start, I feel so lost and I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t told anyone about this, so sorry if this is really sloppy. My husband has been addicted to meth for years. He’s lost so much weight, his teeth is falling out, he’s broke, he has zero motivation to do anything. He’s a completely different person. He gets high at least 3 days a week. He let himself go, and is totally unrecognizable. His family has asked me “why is he so skinny?” He’s always been the thin one in his family, but now he just looks sick. I’ve tried everything to help him get sober, but if you ask him he doesn’t have a problem. He’s mean now to the point where I’m embarrassed to be with him in public. I have to hide money from him, otherwise he will spend it on drugs. I left him 6 years ago because of drugs, and he was sober for a while so we got married, then I noticed all the same symptoms of his addiction, and he’s been on it since.

    I’m not sure what I can do anymore, he says he loves me, but every time I bring up his addiction and begging him to get help, he says he doesn’t need help. He doesn’t believe in rehab. It’s sad because he had so much going for him, and he’s just thrown it away for drugs. He’s outside right now, High as ever or doing drugs in our bathroom while I’m sleeping. Before this, he was sleeping for 3 days. What can I do to help him understand he needs help? Or is there no
    Hope? Will he never change? I miss the man I fell in love with 10 years ago.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Tired Wife... Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your situation with us. I'm sorry to hear about your husband, and I know you're going through hell because of his addiction. Unfortunately, you can't make your husband change. He is the only person who can take the steps necessary to get clean and sober. If he doesn't want to change, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. It may be that you'll have to make some tough decisions about your relationship at some point in order to save yourself. If you allow yourself to be addicted to his addiction, his disease will take you both down.

    There is a really good book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. I think it would be a worthwhile read for you. The book is written specifically for partners and parents of people struggling with addiction and it's full of good, helpful information. There's also an online companion to the book. It's called The 20 Minute Guide and you can access it here: https://the20minuteguide.com

    The most important thing you can do at this point is to take good care of yourself. Practicing self-care is absolutely essential when you are in a relationship with an addict. You have to preserve yourself, because YOUR life is the most important one; and it's also the only one you have complete control over. As Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach us, we didn't cause our loved one's addiction, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. I would urge you to find a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your area and check it out. Or find an online meeting (https://www.intherooms.com) and give that a try.

    We are here for you. To help, support, and listen. You are not alone. So please reach out and lean on us anytime you need to. We may not be able to fix things for you, but we can certainly stand by you as you deal with your husband's issues.

    Sending you love, light, and hope. And strength. Lots and lots of strength.