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I need to understand this terrible thing sweeping the planet "The Sex Trade"and human trafficking

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by True concern, Jun 6, 2019.

  1. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Just because it wasn't the normal kinda hurt doesn't mean it hurt any less. I was devastated. Mabey this explains my constant feeling the need to escape from something. I just don't know what.
    True concern likes this.
  2. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Smells like teen spirit. Man that followed by lithium by heart shaped box by disturbed covering sound of silence...emotional breakdown.
    True concern likes this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Damn,that's why........Emotional trauma from first love....ritalin until 18 year's old...thats why.Fuc* of course.Meth and porn....It all makes since now son of a bitc*.When on meth porn always comes into the picture,my first love started the porn when we had sex and I was on all kinds of Ritalin same as meth.Damn that's a deep scar!!!!!!
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I know that feeling all to well,I myself am always escaping or running from something and I'm never quite sure what other than I know it's necessary
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  5. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I have a night job to pull tonight so I'm about to load up and head out.
    If I'm not dead asleep in the morning ill hollar at y'all. But nice talk, I gotta run and get going. Supposed to be finished by 7am.
    Dominica likes this.
  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Have a good one brother be safe take care
    Dominica and Joshstillclean like this.
  7. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Wow. Personal revelation. I'm glad we talked. What you,said makes so much sense...I am gonna stay up after this job cause I gotta go but I have some new thoughts on this.
    You might have just figured me out!
    True concern likes this.
  8. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I feel dumb for not connecting the dots sooner....ill talk to you tomorrow.
    True concern likes this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    We can't do it alone brother, I didnt.This conversation turned on some light bulbs and that's how I pieced my sh*t together, without this conversation I would still probably be stuck in a cycle of confusion and disgusting porn but now I understand why I have been saying from the beginning that meth was the drug I hated more than any...my subconscious knew it but consciously I was unaware until about 15 minutes ago
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2019
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  10. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    always lessons to learn... :) i don't have internet much the next couple days, so will be touch and go here. but nature..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so healing.
  11. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Ill buy that. But won't be able to use the dead zone excuse for much longer...
    I hope your having a good time Dominica and I'm just picking on you. I bet the nature is beautiful up there right now.
    Are you in the mountains?
  12. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I found this in a journal. I keep a journal at all times. When I was homeless journaling is what kept me sane. (If it can be called that)
    Reading it makes me realize how sad I was. Its a poem I wrote about how I felt at the moment. Its dated 9 years ago.
    Its crazy I still have all these journals I've made a journal entry everyday since I was 14. And I still have them all! Even the ones I wrote while in jail... Its kinda like I can't release emotion until I write it down, I cry a lot when I write too but anyway...I preface this by apologizing for my writing.
    The entry says I have just taken a shot of morphine, and have been "very drunk for several days"...
    This is what I wrote. I'm not going to edit it at all so I hope you can make sense of it. I kinda have an idea where i am coming from-
    "Snakebit"
    "It was only a kiss..."
    "But to me it was theft"
    Clear drop of love venom falls
    from your lips:
    Time slows until it crawls.
    "Baby, I tried to catch the drop,
    But time sped up, it never stopped"
    I turn around in panic time speeds up,
    To match my heartbeat.
    But its no use, the drop is lost forever:
    In the impression of your feet.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Very cool,I use to do the same but one day I burnt year's worth of writings in an angry rage:(
  14. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Wow. Ok that would really make me sad.
  15. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Ya it sucks,but I did it one day after my wife found them and asked "What is that stupid sh*t you write?"So I got drunk and poured them in a metal trash can and lite them up and it is sad because I've tried and I cannot recreate those writings,I don't have the instant emotion needed to do it,I can write new one's but I do t even try anymore
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    How did work go last night?
  17. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Good. Wet. I had to get a power steering pump installed on a customers vehicle so they could go somewhere this morning.
    But they have been with me for a long time. And jobs at night or rush jobs, especially commercial rush jobs always pay good.
    I didn't charge this guy more though because he actually has been not only a customer but a friend. He's an old man. He calls me son, he even came to visit me in rehab and sent me books.
    A lot of my customers that I've known for a long time are more like family now than just customers. And I'm grateful for these people. I stayed at his house and waited till he got up and we went for a test drive and he made coffee. We just sat and talked. I like to hear his stories. Especially the one where in the Vietnam,war his helicopter was taking fire throughout fuselage and he got hit with shrapnel while trying to hit the mortars with the 50,cal. I think he remembers telling it but I like to hear it. He's got a lot of war metals.
    True concern likes this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    My dad was in the Vietnam war, he was one of those guys that fired the massive artillery shells over 10 miles and he told me after his first 9 month's him and 2 members on his team abandoned their post and would get on Huey's and parachute right on the perimeter of the enemy.He jumped over 100 times and was never awarded any medals for it because he was not trained as a paratrooper and when his commanding officer found out he was super pissed off but dad say in his word's "Fuc* him I was fighting for freedom and he was an asshol e out of college with a higher rank but he never took fire"
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  19. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Sounds like a tough man. Its sad I feel like men like that are a dying breed.
    Not that I have been to war, but I have been through some sh!t that others would say they were scared for life over. I'm not saying things haven't scared him, I'm not saying things haven't scared me, but like last night...we talked, we were trying to figure it out and move on.
    I see a lot of teen guys now and think what happened to men?
    And that's sad because I'm young!
    Society needs real men with men roles. Society needs real women with female roles. Freakin fact of life.
    And your dad sounds like a brave man.
  20. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Dad's a fighter,not a fist fighter but what I call a real fighter he has 3 different cancers right now and he still gets up daily to work when asked how he feels he simply says "Fine,why the fu*k do you keep asking"We have never had a father son relationship but I still have never met a stronger man in my life
    Joshstillclean likes this.