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*I Need Women Who Snorted Ice and Cocaine During Pregnancy*

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by TerrifiedMom, Jun 11, 2018.

  1. TerrifiedMom

    TerrifiedMom Member

    I am not better than anyone else, here. I need women who have snorted ice and/or cocaine during pregnancy to share their experiences.

    Okay, I am not, nor have I ever been, a party animal. I am not justifying what I did, but the circumstances really are different. I am Autistic, and therefore my brain lacks the chemical pleasure receptors necessary for getting high. I can't drink because it makes me sick, marijuana makes me flatline, smoking narcotics has no effect on me (I tried inhaled meth once about eight years ago), so you understand my point. This may sound ridiculous, but I am a truck driver, and occasionally, throughout my career, I would get exhausted and coffee wouldn't work in situations where I had to drive four days straight. During one of those times, I ran off the road and almost hit a telephone pole. It terrified me and my brother told me to use cocaine intranasally and I would stay awake. He got me some. I used it, and even though I didn't get the euphoria, the high, or any of the fun stuff, I was focused, alert, and able to make my run without killing anyone or myself. I had to drink more water and learning to eat without throwing up was a challenge, but the cocaine did it's job. I only used it on four day runs, never used it at home, and I didn't fiend for it when I went long periods of time without it. Well, I was getting ready for work and called my brother for some. He said he didn't have it, but he had something similar that could be used intranasally, and keep me awake. So I agreed. I HATE IT! It's PAINFUL from the moment you snort it until the moment you come down three days later. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people do this for fun! Again, I didn't get the euphoria, or the fun feelings, I didn't fiend for it when I went without it... I also didn't get the weird effects either... like I heard meth users pick their skin, they're paranoid, they steal, they fiend, they act like zombies, they get irritable and violent. This may sound laughable, but cocaine is plant based and Ice is pure chemical, which might be why it's so different. (Yes, cocaine comes from a plant called the coca plant.) Coming down from cocaine doesn't hurt. Using ice, PERIOD, feels like you got run over by Mack truck, the entire time. So, having bills to pay and children to feed, I would get cocaine when my brother had it, and when he didn't, I got ice.

    I just found out that I am pregnant. I was TWELVE WEEKS when I found out. I had no idea because when I would be out on the road, my periods would get out of whack. But I have probably used cocaine four times, and I used ice... probably ten times. (Ice is more available here, as cocaine dealers are constantly getting busted, and Ice is cheaper for the dealers to make.) When I found out I was pregnant, I STOPPED using and gave what I had back to my brother. I called my boss and told him I can't do anymore long runs because I can't stay awake. He fired me. I have another job, now. I am not having withdrawals or detox issues.

    My point:

    I am TERRIFIED for my baby, and what the ice and cocaine may have done to it. My questions are: What have I done to my baby? Is there any chance my baby will be okay? How do I address this with an OBGYN? Will CPS take my two children I already have? I am not worried about "getting caught" because I have no reason to lie and won't. I just need to know the extent of the ramifications, here. Health complications on my baby, emotional trauma on my existing children from getting taken from me (I am a loving mom and my kids adore me), addressing my concerns for the baby with the OB... Please tell me. You don't have to tell me that I am a scumbag and piece of crap because I already know.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @TerrifiedMom hey there. welcome and thank you for reaching out.

    i really don't know about this area, as i've never done research.... i do think it's a good idea to let your doctor know, and hopefully they won't judge and if they do, well, maybe find a new dr. or just don't take it personal. this may help the doc be on the lookout for certain things. an investigation may be done by cps, but if you're not using and drug tests show this, i don't think they can take kids away, but that's my opinion and not fact.

    i have an old friend who used crack first couple months of her pregnancy, then quit... and her child turned out fine...

    i am glad to hear that you don't have to do runs that exhaust you like that... not worth it in my eyes. i believe that door has been closed for good reason and i'll believe for a new door to open for you that doesn't require you to stay awake for so long .... :)

    know that i'm here if you need any type of support... sending positive vibes your way!
    TerrifiedMom likes this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @TerrifiedMom... I'm sorry that you're struggling, but I'm glad you're seeking information and help.

    First off, I want you to know that you are NOT a scumbag or a piece of crap. Having an addiction doesn't make you a bad person; it means you are a sick person. Period.

    Like @Dominica, I don't have any knowledge about what you're going through. I, too, suggest that you have a discussion with your doctor. That is the safest thing for you to do, both for you and our unborn baby.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anyone here who has an experience similar to yours, I hope they'll weigh in.
    Dominica likes this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @TerrifiedMom first off you are by no means a Scumbag or piece of crap,hold your head hi you are a loving mother who only thought about being able to provide for your family so in my opinion you are exactly the opposite of those thing's as many people turn their backs on their kid's,i know because i've seen it and infact have a little sister because of it so i have experience with CPS on this exact issue as well.Ok so social services told my family that if any drug were to be picked as best for what they do it would be cocaine or meth(Ice) because it doesn't slow down the growth of the child's mind like heroin or marijuana,that being said no drug should be used while pregnant but the one you did in their word's causes the least amount of harm Mentally.Now my little sister her birth mom was on Meth(Ice) her entire pregnancy and my little sister is so smart and healthy.I'm glad you have stopped and im proud of you for that but from what i know and what i have seen your baby will be ok.12 week's or 3 month's is average for when many mother's to be find out they are pregnant and stop using so if im going off a nation wide average on how children turn out health wise in that time frame i believe you caught the pregnancy in time to not harm your child to be.I would talk to a Dr about it but if you truly have stopped i would not mention it to CPS as what's done is done and you don't need the extra stress while pregnant.Stay Strong and God Bless Take Care
    Dominica and TerrifiedMom like this.
  5. TerrifiedMom

    TerrifiedMom Member

    Thank you for your kind words, but there's a misunderstanding. I didn't get addicted. I just used it at my job to stay awake. In a weird way, I did it for my kids because the money was excellent. But I am not having withdrawals.
  6. TerrifiedMom

    TerrifiedMom Member

    Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. That eases my mind a little. Thank you so much.
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Your very welcome.We are all human none of us perfect.Focus on your love for your family and i believe from what i've read you will be ok,but please no more drug's.
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2018
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  8. TerrifiedMom

    TerrifiedMom Member

    I no longer work for that slave driver, so there won't be any reason for me too. The effect those drugs have on everybody else ("fun" stuff) doesn't happen to me. It just kept me awake.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Believe it or not that's a God's blessing.Considering it does none of the thing's that addicts get addicted to as far as "Fun" you can enjoy your family and cherish that with all your heart and that in my opinion is without a doubt a Blessing
    deanokat and Dominica like this.