I am not better than anyone else, here. I need women who have snorted ice and/or cocaine during pregnancy to share their experiences. Okay, I am not, nor have I ever been, a party animal. I am not justifying what I did, but the circumstances really are different. I am Autistic, and therefore my brain lacks the chemical pleasure receptors necessary for getting high. I can't drink because it makes me sick, marijuana makes me flatline, smoking narcotics has no effect on me (I tried inhaled meth once about eight years ago), so you understand my point. This may sound ridiculous, but I am a truck driver, and occasionally, throughout my career, I would get exhausted and coffee wouldn't work in situations where I had to drive four days straight. During one of those times, I ran off the road and almost hit a telephone pole. It terrified me and my brother told me to use cocaine intranasally and I would stay awake. He got me some. I used it, and even though I didn't get the euphoria, the high, or any of the fun stuff, I was focused, alert, and able to make my run without killing anyone or myself. I had to drink more water and learning to eat without throwing up was a challenge, but the cocaine did it's job. I only used it on four day runs, never used it at home, and I didn't fiend for it when I went long periods of time without it. Well, I was getting ready for work and called my brother for some. He said he didn't have it, but he had something similar that could be used intranasally, and keep me awake. So I agreed. I HATE IT! It's PAINFUL from the moment you snort it until the moment you come down three days later. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people do this for fun! Again, I didn't get the euphoria, or the fun feelings, I didn't fiend for it when I went without it... I also didn't get the weird effects either... like I heard meth users pick their skin, they're paranoid, they steal, they fiend, they act like zombies, they get irritable and violent. This may sound laughable, but cocaine is plant based and Ice is pure chemical, which might be why it's so different. (Yes, cocaine comes from a plant called the coca plant.) Coming down from cocaine doesn't hurt. Using ice, PERIOD, feels like you got run over by Mack truck, the entire time. So, having bills to pay and children to feed, I would get cocaine when my brother had it, and when he didn't, I got ice. I just found out that I am pregnant. I was TWELVE WEEKS when I found out. I had no idea because when I would be out on the road, my periods would get out of whack. But I have probably used cocaine four times, and I used ice... probably ten times. (Ice is more available here, as cocaine dealers are constantly getting busted, and Ice is cheaper for the dealers to make.) When I found out I was pregnant, I STOPPED using and gave what I had back to my brother. I called my boss and told him I can't do anymore long runs because I can't stay awake. He fired me. I have another job, now. I am not having withdrawals or detox issues. My point: I am TERRIFIED for my baby, and what the ice and cocaine may have done to it. My questions are: What have I done to my baby? Is there any chance my baby will be okay? How do I address this with an OBGYN? Will CPS take my two children I already have? I am not worried about "getting caught" because I have no reason to lie and won't. I just need to know the extent of the ramifications, here. Health complications on my baby, emotional trauma on my existing children from getting taken from me (I am a loving mom and my kids adore me), addressing my concerns for the baby with the OB... Please tell me. You don't have to tell me that I am a scumbag and piece of crap because I already know.