I never touched till my 30's

My father was exmilitary and a police man for my whole upbringing. He was insanely strict about boys, smoking and drugs. I was so obedient to him that would never have imagined even experimenting when I was younger. I never drank as a teen and did not rebel. This lasted all the way throught my 20's.

When I was 30 I met a younger man and fell in love. He was smart and fun and all the girls I worked with wanted him.

I found out he was a habitual cocaine user after we were in a committed relationship and it was a shock. I told him it was a deal breaker. I was okay with the fact that he was a stoner and had even smoked with him, but coke was a hard drug and I was terrified I was with a coke head.

Though he promised to quit I caught him several times slipping. I felt betrayed and was so full of shock it tore me up. I couldn't understand the mind of a user and it invaded my mind. This is one story of addiction I've dealt with up close and it scared me.

There are many people who are closet cocaine users, and some of these people are extremely successful, which seems to be misleading because the stereotype of a drug addict is always a negative one. I am sorry that you experienced this. Has he tried to stop?

Your father did well with you. I was accomplished and in my 20's before I even smoked a cigarette. Marijuana became my drug of choice also because of a guy a dated. Cocaine is also a deal breaker for me. I refuse to try it and I feel I can safely say the word never with it. I've been offered it several times as well by female associates who were hooked on doing what they called bumps.

You seem strong and could be an inspiration for him to quit but he has to really want to. Maybe you can help him maybe you can't. And now he hides it from you. It would be hard for me to see a happy ending with that kind of start to a relationship. What else would he hide from you?

I commend you for standing by your principles and even sacrificing a relationship that you had invested so much of your time in. It comes a time when we have to choose and we have to be ready to make a tough decision even though the repercussions might not be so pleasant. I know your decision was worth it because many have fallen victim when in a similar situation.

hi, i'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of problem. But, the comment above me have a point, you can be inspiration for him, guide him to his recovery.

I am so happy to hear you were able to stand up for what you believed was right. I personally do not see the harm in marijuana, however coke is a different ball park when it comes to drugs. The fact that you were so close to this person and did not let it change you, is extremely commendable.

Other's are mentioning guiding him to and through recovery and I agree--that is if you are still with this person.

It depends with your future plans, either to quit or not. It is true that in a way you were influenced, but remembering what your dad used to tell you about drugs, you could have thought this. How possible was it that you could raise funds from friends and family members and persuade him to change to another well paying business. Alternatively, after realizing you were running into trouble you could asked for advice from your father, which is actually hard. Fathers are loving and despite all the quarreling you could have avoided it earlier.

Try encouraging him to stop. It's not going to be easy, but tell him you'll be there for him through the whole process. If he sees sincerity in your eyes, I guess he's really going to quit.

I'd just like to ask what made you so scared of him just because he used a certain type of substance. If he became Violent whenever he took it then I'd totally understand, but personally I don't see much difference in it as compared to other legal substances. The only thing I'd be scared of right out of the gate would be meth and heroin, but even then I'd still most likely base my judgement on the personality and dignity of the person rather than what he or she ingested.

I'd love for Bombshell to come back and give us some more insight into her story. Yet as a woman and based on the background information Bombshell shared, I believe I could understand why she might be "scared" for want of a better word. I stopped and looked up just a bit of the information shared in the forum about the drug and as far as I can see cocaine is a "scary" drug and not one you'd want anyone to be involved with much less the man of your dreams. Actually based on the forum we are in I would think pretty much any drug has the potential to be addictive and harmful and should be discouraged.

At the same time and in light of what you are saying I am eager to hear from her if she was "scared" for her physical safety, scared for his safety or just generally concerned about the cocaine used taking them down a dark and slippery road.

At the end of the day I hope that both can come to a good place and deal with the issues.

I can understand her fear. If bombshell was raised in a sheltered home where she had no exposure to drug or alcohol use the subjection can be scary. When I was younger I remember going to a hotel party and there was literally 3 dishes on the table, one had MDMA in powder form, the other had Coke and the 3rd was full of weed. I was so overwhelmed I walked in and left within 5 minutes.

Personally, I don't see it as scary, at least not any more than I would consider alcohol especially considering that that can even lead to drunk driving and potentially harming someone else, whereas coke mostly just turns people into douches when on it. I think the connotation surrounding it just comes from a lack of understanding and an overall "boogeyman" treatment by our predecessors which have been passed onto us, even though I won't contest that it is addictive and harmful when abused. I'm with you though, I would love to hear what it was that was scary about the whole ordeal, specifically.

Hopefully. Bombshell will be back to shed some further light on the matter. Where I come from marijuana is the most commonly used drug and is illegal. When I came here it opened my eyes to a whole new world where drugs and alcohol are concerned.

Maybe I am one of those affected by the "boogeyman" treatment of the cocaine conversation. I hear cocaine and I honestly get "scared". Wherever there is the potential for addiction and harm, I get angsty. That said I am eager to hear from Bombshell again while learning as much as I can on the subject.

It happens. I know a lot addicts that started late. Mostly gambling addicts, but I knew one guy who I used to go to school with who became addicted to coke because of his new lifestyle. He used to be an electronics engineer, but started a business of renting out sound systems to bands and event organizers. He eventually got swayed by his peers and since then he's been using non-stop.

Hello Bombshell! Are you still with this guy? If you are, I'm not going to say you should leave him. Your best course of action is to help him sober up. I guess the personality he projected which got the girls swooning was all due to the drug. It made him a sociable and confident person that people can't help but be attracted to. However, there's a good enough reason why of all the girls who could have ended up with him, it's you who finally did. So if you love this man, please fight for him. Send him to rehab if you must. And if he loves you just as much, I'm sure he would be open to your suggestions.

Hello. I imagine how shocking it was when you found out your boyfriend was addicted to cocaine. Hard drugs should be a deal breaker. You didn't mention whether you catching him use again led to the end of your relationship. At any rate, I believe it should have. If you really have, you did the right thing. Otherwise you would have ended up in all sorts of trouble.