So as a child I was put on Ritalin at 6,but there were so many other abnormalities about my youth.Every adult in the house I grew u0 in was high or drunkALWAYS so of course that had to be the Apple that fell off the family tree and found a child who was raising the adults.My dad was never home he works 7 day's a week and more during leap year..gone to work before I woke up,home from work after I went to bed,my dad has always lived with us yet our first conversation came when I turned 18,no bullshit we lived in the same house for 18 year's before we spoke!Needless to point out but by 18 I was already full of confusion, resentment, a nagging thought of (Why does he never see me ever on any day)and that emotional torment took me down a dark,lonely existence that I am barely making progress with.who knew having a dad in your life was so important?Roughly my first year as an adult I spent over 9 month's of it in a jail cell.Shortly after turned 19 still getting high,still taking car's that don't belong to me I find myself in a high speed chase on the freeway and I was not giving up at all,let alone easy,anyways I'm gonna try to shorten this up by leaving out many thing's after I explain how I met my wife....10 cop cars 4 exits behind me I cut from the far lane to back track and take a lane I shouldn't have attempted but it worked and bought me about 30 more seconds as the police cars all started ice skating on the freeway after that,I cut through some side streets and pulled into a random driveway,quickly a woman runs out tells me to ditch the car and hope the entire block using all the neighbors back yards.Well I did what she said and she told me I could stay until the police stopped looking for me,again no bullshit that woman later became my wife.This lady is 11 year's my senior with three children and she rolled the dice and bet it all on me,a alcoholic, drug addict who has only raised adults never children. I was consumed by addiction the day we got married and about a week later I started freaking out,more than anything I didn't want the kids to pick up drug use from me,I had to change and I knew how deep my resentment went for the adults who were high around me while I was growing, I had to get sober,I couldn't fail the kids(My life has been from 0 to 100)more time's than I can remember. I got sober,went back to work and struggled as I never spoke to anyone about a just one day I was h8gh and the next I wasn't, but my childhood trauma came back to take me down many many more times...I was failing in the one place I could not accept and I was trapped by addiction again.I decided to combat drug's in a very UNCONVENTIONAL way to educate the kids on every reason why they should never mess with the hard stuff,I was winging it but every time I got sick from detoxing, every trip to jail or the hospital, every time addiction directly caused me serious problems I would explain how the life I was living was complete torture,I never glorified my use I always talked about it in a way to make them understand...Never try it because it doesn't just let go and allow you to forget about it,I told them how bad I hated substances and by then they knew if I didn't have it I was sicker than anything they had ever seen,I never glorified any crime I committed rather I lumped it in with addiction and crime are best friends because the addiction is starving and it caused me to do bad things for money to not be sick...again I was winging it.I am happy to say none of them use drug's or drink uncontrollably and the oldest is currently in law enforcement and he hates me,but I'm ok with that I let him and his mom down so I accept the way he feels about me, if he only knew how proud of him I truly am...anyways after 15 year's my wife put me out with no warning, no explanation, no anything So I raised my birth family while I was a kid and took all the bad habits they gave to my new family and in the end I have nothing but endless effort to try and arrest addiction one final time.Shiit instant depression it's about time I was getting tired of being happy. Stay Strong my friend's and dig,retrace everything you can remember before addiction and I pray at some point you will find the way out of that hole we all spend time in.
Click to expand...