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Ignoring Hallucinations

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Joshstillclean, May 21, 2019.

  1. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Hey, im josh- recovering heroin addict(cocaine, xanax, valium, alcohol, all opiods, and probably other stuff I just don't remember. But these were the substances I have been treated for,being physically dependant on).
    I know that's a long intro to say hey, and tell my name.
    But I want to make sure everyone who reads this knows I have a lot of experience with detoxing/using. I'm 31 as of November last year. Started using when I was 15. I've been sober and clean for 1 year. That's half of my life.
    In another thread my good friend@True concern who has been here for me since day one, and has always given me solid advice made a very good point. At the time I believe I meant to comment on it but became distracted.
    He has a wealth of knowledge about detoxing as well. We both share in the opioid and benzodiazepines detox experience I am sad to say for both of our sakes. As these are two of the worst to detox from that I can think of, except possibly alcohol. I cannot think of anything worse to come off of.
    To get down to the point he made a dead serious comment about hallucinations and not fearing what you know is not real. This is very true. He also said to not approach anything that looks like it could be dangerous because it might not be a hallucination, and well in that case it would be bad to say...for example, tell yourself this.
    "Im going to face my fear and show myself that this is not a hot skillet in the middle of the grocery store." So you go and put your hand on a very hot skillet that they were just using to cook free food samples with. They had packed up, and they left the skillet for last by mistake or without thinking.
    Today I was tagged about subutex withdrawal, and it can be severe if not done properly and often leads to very vivid hallucinations. As real as shrooms or acid.
    I never heard back about that but this is a point I have been wanting to make for a while. I hope everyone who read that knew that @True concern was being dead serious about these hallucinations. If you are experiencing them DO NOT DRIVE. STAY WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST!
    It sounds funny until you realize all to late that It WAS a bus coming down the road painted pink for breast cancer awareness. Not a figment of your imagination.
    This happened to my friend and I wanted to share it. He will not ever move anything below his neck again. He is 27.
    This is just another friend that might as well have lost his life to drug DETOX. At least to every one who doesn't know him. But to me he was (still is) a good friend, father of two one on the way, and a 24 year old wife who will never leave his side.
    He will not go rock climbing with us again, never make love to his wife again. Will never run with his children again.
    I just want everyone to know how serious detox is.
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Yes my friend i was being serious and sincere i probably left some room for doubt when i said {Dont fear what isnt real}and this comes from ultimetly to many experiences for myself but indeed be very cautios as it may be very real.I also felt a bit of shame as you mentioned detoxes only get harder which is true and it hurts me to know here i am,NO im not detoxing in such a severe way as i may have made it appear and honestly i have been thinking about talking to a Dr.about subutex or suboxone because i quit opiates but in all honesty after a week or so my internal organs start to feel major distress so i may need something to slowly taper off in a healthy way as to not force me back to even a low dose of opiate just to not feel sick,i have been very stubborn about this and keep trying cold turkey but internally i cant hang past about 10 days and just 1 10mg norco fires my organs back up for a day or so,its really depressing but i want to beat this so im starting to think about this as a treatment option very seriously bso i can just heal and overcome once and for all.
    deanokat, Dominica and Joshstillclean like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Someone keeps logging me out while im trying to type so i guess im gonna go for now,I pray who ever it is will realize i am just trying to heal myself and help others along the way and though who ever it is obviously hates me,i harbor no hard feelings toward them,infact i pray they are happy,healthy,and have a beautiful,wonderful life
    deanokat, Dominica and Joshstillclean like this.
  4. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Don't know why you talk about feeling shame. Mabey same reason we all do and it just comes with the territory.
    Hey man you are as schooled on this as I am and we both know that your kidneys can hang for a while but they are screaming when coming off is norco. Dude, norco is a full agonist. It metabolized the same way morphine does. Norc is not a joke you can get a hell of a high off of em.
    I know that's not what your talking about but my point is its just morphine in a smaller package. Basically think Halloween kiddie size m and m candies and share size pack. Thats about the only difference.
    I would not be able to function because my or hand would stop. I have proven that medically. And you were using oxy and methadone at the same rate if not higher rate than me. Honestly I don't know how your doing it without being sick as fu#k all the time.
    I would definitely get on a small script of sub. No more pain, no more bodily abuse. I think it might be a life changer for you. Just my opinion tho
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  5. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Its her. I know this because im,getting wierd texts I'm not opening them but same thing is going on with my phone.

    Found out too much and,pissed her off
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Joshstillclean thank you for sharing... your insights are valuable!!

    @True concern how are you feeling today? i hope less withdrawals! and that's weird someone has access to your account?? please change your login information ASAP....
    deanokat likes this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    when you say its her....are we talking about the same thing as far as my acct and your weird text messages....THE HER?
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    The thing is they have the E-mail acct so no matter what i change on here they get all that updated info through the E-mail ive been down this road before its like a never ending loop and the person with the E-mail accesss always wins.I just get so frustrated i stop trying to recover them and just move on but it always gets to the point where whomever wants to be a major jerk.Once i get a new Tablet or laptop im thinking next month i will be changing things and trying to set up something secure so i can push forward without someone having a laugh at my aggravation,or atleast thats the hope
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    i am feeling a bit better i havent touched alcohol in i think 3 maybe 4 days now still a little shakey but i guess the good news is i wasnt drinking for a long period of time but still long enough to make my body start to think alcohol was back to stay.I thank you all for your stories and support as the more i read when im on a shakey foundation the more i think WTF am i doing so it has helped me yet again to get into touch with my feelings and has got me thinking enough to step away from the booze again and yes @Joshstillclean the shame comes from and with the territory as i just want to be able to tell you all and myself that i have this undercontrol however i wont say it until its true so for now im making progress but not completly on stable ground...Not yet but reflection and support is helping so again Thank You All.
    deanokat and Joshstillclean like this.
  10. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Yep.
  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Well thats unfortunate as i have tried to just be civil and supportive as if nothing was out of the norm when i first came back after about 2 months away from the site.I figured no harm no foul,we are all addicts either struggling or in recovery so i just let it go from the last time but now its gonna start up again?What do you call that when you say you want to help someone but actually intend to cause them problems or do the opposite of help them?:confused:Wow i hate that things have gotten so odd.i remember my first day back after my few months away,everyone was there to greet me even THE HER...Why such games?Why not be sincere and try to help?And if you dont want to help or educate yourself on addiction then why show up to the site if your just here to play people as if this is a game?I Stand by what i said lastnight on a different thread.I pray everything is going great for this person,i hope they are happy,safe,and want for nothing.I wish them nothing but the very best life has to offer as for how it affects me.I will keep pushing forward and i will continue to believe there is good in everyone
    deanokat and Joshstillclean like this.
  12. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I know what you mean. That's how I felt about the subutex. I was ashamed to even post until in told that ideas taking it again. I know I need to for the next few seasons but I still wanted to tell someone thati----
    Let me start over. I needed to be able to tell you all that I was ashamed because I feel vulnerable to the point to where it is necessary for me to take this again. That's just the real reason.
    Im ashamed I'm not strong enough to just trust myself without the subutex.
    There I just said what I've been trying to avoid but it felt good.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Always better to be proactive my friend atleast thats my belief,i use this site to keep me truthful even with myself i have learned long ago living a lie doesnt help any make positive progress so i do the best i can
    deanokat and Joshstillclean like this.
  14. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    You know i have to be honest here im not quite yet completly convinced its THE HER as it very well could be someone else knowing we have certain suspicions about THE HER,honestly i just dont want to believe its THE HER as we have had many Private conversations the three of us so in my heart i cant just let go of that as i cant just trust someone and then flip a switch and suddenly not trust,maybe im ignorant,maybe im blind but in my heart i dont want to accept someone ive had personal conversations with via the site.I cant help it i believe in people even if they are acting terribly suspicious....Damnit i use to be so judgemental and kept up a wall and now that ive broke the wall down for the most part i just cant seem to have negeative thoughts or feelings...i thought that was a good thing,i believe it is,i cant back track on how i see people,i dont want to close down emotionally again because i was so miserable living that way,however i will exercise caution moving forward whenever THE HER is involved
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  15. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Seemed like very sincere conversations to me. Mabey someone both into her sh@t, and it isn't really her. I have no clue. Something is going on though, no dought about it.
    But it was her idea to have a face time group meeting. She really did seem honest.
    True concern likes this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Yes it was her idea,who knows brother im just going to try and stay on the positive side of the tracks and if it bites me in the ass well atleast i will know i stayed true to myself
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  17. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Joshstillclean... I can't tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your experiences and insights here in the forum. I think it will really help people who are struggling. So thanks x 1,000,000 for your contributions. :)
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  18. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    Sometimes we just don't know why... I try very hard not to take anything personal. Not always easy, but a worthy endeavor.