I'm no master writer but for times sake ill likely misspell words ' puncuation . LOL Ill leave that mistake up , as we all have common sense . Also since nobody listens to me around here , except my counsler at my MM Clinic. Oh ..The New Ozzy Song just came on , & this song reminds me of how I feel Now. Midlife crisis ??? IDK ? Ill say this all started in mid March ( I may have mentioned this part already , if so bare with me please) thx 2019 began like most new years since I got on SSIDA , Medicaid , basically in 2008- I had a routine , I love to metal detect , esp since I live in a Civil War area but the child in me loves finding Treasure or interesting old lost or discarded items from the past . I used to go detecting 2 maybe 3 times a week ( if the Humidity is under 50% & the temp is under 95 0 ) ... I past summers i'd detect strait through (usually early in the AM ) but this year since Fathers Day I've only gone detecting 5 times the last being on Sun Dec 8.. TMI maybe but my OCD makes me tell this story a certain way.. Well in March right before a family members B Day. I dropped my dose by 5 mg , Note I had very short adjustment periods after each drop , i was on 30 mg for 2+ years before my 5 mg drop. By the end of March I felt normal or My Normal. April was good May was cool but in June things started to change. NOTE as I think this is important , I smoked weed from age 13 -38-or 40. I quit for my clinic , Crazy Dr. & I was ready, as I don't smoke right . "Right" meaning to much with a little OCD involved in that. In late June I made a decision to get my 'GA low THC CBD Oil ' Card. $300+ The lady that I trust that works at my Crazy Dr's office "said " with the card you can get Oil , Bud , Now in AL or FL , I should have done my research as even now, Dec 22. I don't know of a place to get the LthcCBD; So I've had to indulge in the regular way & it's costing me out the rear. Well I've had an Ulcer in the upper part of my stomach since my endoscopy in 2014 , Dr , gave prescription prilosec but my ins, would not cover it , that said I've been taking Tagamet for 15 years & it's kept my stomach under control + Daily Methadone to numb the pain . About May it got to where I was exhausted all the time and could barely get out of bed. It reminded me when I was on 120 mg of done a day. Hated that. As Oxy , Hydro Sped me up , Coke & Meth shut me down with extreme anxiety . Took my first hit of pot on or around June 17, ..I did some serious self inventory that night , after the paranoia of course. Another Story. Around July 11 we went on our first Va-K in 8 years to Daytona , the heavy sleepyness had subsided by then but it was still hard for me to get out of bed even with a beautiful beach right outside the sliding door , It was a good time. Went through a week or more of insomnia around the end of July (tho it was not that bad) ; anyhow my Tiredness continued along with 0 motivation or barely any. Cruz-ed through Aug , Sept feeling the same , then in Oct My Ulcer began waking me up a 4-5 6-7 AM & would not feel better until I got up then it would just be a dull 'hunger type ' pain the rest of the day. All this is still the same to this day , I'm gonna try to go to the Dr, this week 'Monday ' but everytime I see him he judges me . Oh Well ! Then around 7 weeks ago , I started having this , Irritating , dull feeling under my testes ( I call it Restless Nut Syndrome.) It's super bad when I drive ( torturous really ) now it's doing it at different times a day , Worst when my Ulcer wakes me up , the other condition starts & I have to sit a certain way , 'Cup ' The Boy's in my hand until I can calm down. I know lots have it MUCH! worse than me but ( No I do not want to die ) but have prayed if this is goona be my life everyday , take me home " but your will not mine " . P.S. For what it's worth , I did go back up to 30 mg 'MD' a day back in September. God Bless .