OK
Well I had to take my 30 of Done as my stomach hurt , I hit the bed about 2 & woke with the Sun with pain after crazy dreams .
I do remember most of the posts I have read on here ( for the most part ) as I don't talk with many people in person much anymore ,
Maybe feelings are returning some as I come off the Prozac or down to 20mg a day from 60 a day for 12 or so years . don't Know .?
Thinking a-lot lately & praying ( I wanna give Praise to my LORD JESUS on this resurrection Sunday ) His will Be Done.
I'm losing concentration real fast , having so many thought runnin through my head right now , stressin that this 'bowel prep ' i'm suppose to take this eve to clear my Colon will make me start to puke and I won't stop but I GOT TO HAVE IT DONE TOMORROW THO! So I have to try .
I feel i'm caught in my own 'Trap house' caught in this routine , .
For Real Tho
My greatest fear is that my xanax don't work anymore 4 mg a day is like a maintenance thing like the m-done , could take more but don't want to dig my HOLE deeper , as I have not missed a day of it in 10+ years ( Other than when I puked for 2 days last Feb ) . It's been [along with K-pin} since I was 25 ish my Magic Pill to feel better but for the past few years It don't work right ( I know why ie, tolerance & Brain changes , & My addictive ass ) I found taking more makes me more bitchy ? -Example the other morn , I took my Meds but forgot if I took my morning 2 mg or not ; thought I did but then thought "better safe than sorry " & took 2 more about an hour later , well the day went just like any other but I was Bitchy / Whiny a tad more than normal espacally fron 2 pm -6 or 7 pm . again As usual , then I skipped my night doses cept for .05 mg , so I only took 4& a half mg that day .
I'm scared to even wean , Heck I been weaning off the M-done for 5+ years until last March 11 2019 when I went to 25 mg , I felt fine until my Issues started in June & I went back to 40 mg in late July .
So while i'm already in a bad physical & mental state , I've not felt like adding to my misery by tapering in the past year .

I've got to the point where I have nothing that makes me real happy (other than Metal Detecting ) but that has been rare this past year . I can not even watch TV or Movies ( Or get started , if that makes since ) Shows I used to look forward to just 5 years ago , Hate gaming , I have money to get many things I want but won't spend it . Not major money but enough credit to get a Smart phone or a nice AK-47 , I have 0 Sexual Desire but I do have women on TV or You tube I think are HOT!

Everything is a Dread , I do have my moments but they are rare . Ill chill for now but may add to this later .
Now this bowel prep thing

GD until later

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