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I'm slowly Dying & I seem not to care..

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Steve, May 31, 2016.

  1. Steve

    Steve Member

    The following is what's going on in my life with addiction.. I'm sure I'll be judged by many.. Or I'll get no response only because people don't want to hear it.. They just look a obituary and say how sad it is that someone so young died from a drug overdose..

    The struggle is so real no one who's not a addict will ever get it.. I've had people tell me they hate drug addicts.. It's sad because we are people too I include myself in this as well.. I've had my battles with drugs.. It all started Over a injury..2 years ago I had sugary on my leg.. That's when it all started.. I never took pain pills. I always thought what the **** do people see in it.. Now I get it.. I had another surgery three months ago.. So of course I'm back on pain pills ... It's a real struggle..but that doesn't make me a scumbag.. Anyone who knows me knows how beautiful of a person I am. This can effect anyone.. Doctors, Lawyers,Judges, Prosecutors,police, CEO's of major companies, Nurses,... The list goes on & on.. Drugs DON'T discriminate... It's the Most powerful thing I've ever had to fight!!! This is worse then being a alcoholic! The grip that it has on you is tremendous!!! It's a force to be reckoned with & it's unbelievably Evil.. It takes your breath away literally.. I don't want to Die... I Want to see my kids graduate. I want to see my grandchildren & hold them... I want to grow old with my Wife & yell at her on my Rocking chair! However if things keep going the way they are I'll more then likely Die.. I can't help it I need it... It's my lover, Friend, it's always there for me when I'm down.. Yet it's killing me slowly & I know it! I realise it's not truly my friend.. So in closing I'm not a Dirt Ball or a scumbag... I'm a loving & caring person who has people who love me Dearly.. I'm a Loving Dad who has wonderful children & a Beautiful loving Wife.. I have a House it's not a mansion but I've put memories that will never be forgotten in the house. I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not a waste... Should anything happen I just want everyone to know who I am & was!
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Steve... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm so sorry that you're struggling with addiction. For what it's worth, I empathize with you and do not judge you at all. You're right: Drugs and addiction do not discriminate. I know, because my son struggled with addiction for several years. People with addiction are indeed human beings. The stigma that's associated with addiction has declined recently, but it's still maddening. I totally understand how you feel, my friend.

    Have you considered seeking professional help for your problem? It might really benefit you to see an addiction specialist. They can assess your situation and recommend the best next steps for you. Sometimes that's inpatient rehab, sometimes it's an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Treatment), sometimes it's a combination of things. But I think it would be worth giving it a try.

    You can beat your addiction and do all of the things you said you want to do. Will it be easy? Probably not. But if you set the goal, focus on it, and are willing to work hard, you can break free from the drugs. Believe me: There are many, many people who have been right where you are and made it out to the other side. You are not alone.

    We're here to help and support you however we can. You can reach out anytime. You might also want to consider going to an NA or SMART Recovery (12-step alternative) meeting. Being among people who know exactly what you're going through can be incredibly helpful.

    No matter what you do, please don't ever give up. You are a beautiful soul worthy of the best things in life, and you can get there. I know you can.

    Read that quote from Anne Lamott that appears in my signature. It's something I truly believe, and I want you to believe it, too.

    “Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.” --Anne Lamott

    Sending you positive vibes and lots of hope and encouragement.

    -Dean
    Donnchadh likes this.
  3. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    @Steve, welcome to the forum. You are alive and you are going to realise all those things you mentioned in your post! You will grow old with you wife and shout at her in the rocking chair, see your kids graduate and hug your grand children! You have to believe this! You have found a community of wondering caring people who love you and would never judge you. We are all dealing with something and if it is one thing I believe it is that there is never a mountain too high to climb.
    You have our full support and I endorse everything that @deanokat said including his beautiful quote

    "I'm a Loving Dad who has wonderful children & a Beautiful loving Wife". That's how we will always see you. Lots of love you to and your wonderful family.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. Steve, my beautiful 32 year old daughter is addicted to pain pills. She has a great husband and 4 little boys. She began snorting them about 6 years ago. She is now diagnosis with Lupus and has kidney problems. I am so scare for her and my grandsons. I honestly am at a loss how to help her. I think the Lupus is being cause from the drug addiction. As a parent I just want to take her pain away and fix her problem.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ConcernedGrandma... I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling with both addiction and lupus. However, I'm not sure that addiction can cause lupus. I thought lupus was more of a genetic disease. But I'm not a doctor, so maybe you or your daughter should ask a medical professional about that.

    As far as her addiction goes, I understand your fear. My son struggled with addiction for many years. As parents, all we want to do is fix our children. It's what we're programmed to do. Unfortunately, addiction can only be "fixed" by the person who's struggling with the disease. They have to be the one to take action and work on getting better.

    I highly recommend a book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for loved ones of people struggling with addiction and I think it would really help you to understand what your daughter is going through. It would help you learn why you need to take good care of yourself during this time, too.

    I talk about the book more in a blog I wrote. You may want to read it. Here's the link:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    I will keep you and your daughter in my my thoughts and prayers. And your grandsons, too. You are not alone. Feel free to reach out anytime. And never give up hope. Your daughter can beat this.
    Pammy likes this.
  6. Donnchadh

    Donnchadh Active Contributor

  7. Donnchadh

    Donnchadh Active Contributor

    Hey Steve how's your journey going? I just read your post you seem to be going through the mill from what I've read.just a little advice based on my own experience.I've been judged absolutely but you know what screw them let people talk.what I've noticed in recovery people judge other's so that they can feel better about themselves what I would suggest to you is focus on the people who mean the most to you and care the most about you. Now where do you find these people?well I found them right in front of my eyes I've been looking at them for years but I couldn't see them! My family and friends once I opened up and became honest with them help and support came from all directions talk to them.you assumed no one would respond In your opening statement always expect the unexpected if I a total stranger responded then I'm certain that you have someone who you know that can and will listen and will be willing to help you if you really and honestly let them know how your feeling.just go look in the mirror and ask who you see looking back at you who you should talk to then just go and talk to that person that's your starting point. God bless you and I hope you talk to the person.just remember it's the first step in a process. Kind regards
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Steve and @ConcernedGrandma... How are things going with you guys? Check in with us if you get a chance. Remember: We're always here for you for help or support. Or if you just need to get stuff off your chest.
  9. Teresa53

    Teresa53 Member

    It is a cause of her addiction. I got lupus and understand her problem. So much pain with Lupus
  10. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Teresa53... I'm sorry to hear that you have lupus. My sister has it, so I have an idea of how painful and difficult it can be. Sending you good thoughts and positive, healing vibes.